Summary
Oblonsky wakes up from a pleasant dream about dining and drinking, only to crash back into the reality of his marital crisis. His wife Dolly discovered his affair with their former French governess, and now their household is in complete chaos. The servants don't know what to do, the children are running wild, and Dolly has locked herself away, threatening to leave. Oblonsky feels genuinely sorry - not just for getting caught, but for hurting his wife. Yet he can't help but think his wife is being dramatic. After all, the affair meant nothing to him, and isn't a man entitled to some excitement after seven years of marriage? This chapter reveals the deep disconnect between how men and women of this era viewed infidelity. Oblonsky sees his affair as a meaningless indulgence, while Dolly experiences it as a betrayal that destroys the foundation of their family. Tolstoy shows us how Oblonsky's selfishness masquerades as reasonableness - he genuinely believes he's the victim of an overreaction. The chaos in the household mirrors the emotional destruction his actions have caused. This opening conflict sets up one of the novel's central themes: the gap between how we see ourselves and how our actions affect others. Oblonsky's inability to truly understand his wife's pain foreshadows the communication failures that will plague other relationships throughout the story. The scene also establishes the social world we're entering - one where appearances matter enormously, but where private behavior often contradicts public respectability.
Coming Up in Chapter 4
Oblonsky must face his household staff and figure out how to manage the domestic crisis his affair has created. Meanwhile, he's expecting an important visitor who might help solve his financial troubles.
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An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
When he was dressed, Stepan Arkadyevitch sprinkled some scent on himself, pulled down his shirt-cuffs, distributed into his pockets his cigarettes, pocketbook, matches, and watch with its double chain and seals, and shaking out his handkerchief, feeling himself clean, fragrant, healthy, and physically at ease, in spite of his unhappiness, he walked with a slight swing on each leg into the dining-room, where coffee was already waiting for him, and beside the coffee, letters and papers from the office. He read the letters. One was very unpleasant, from a merchant who was buying a forest on his wife’s property. To sell this forest was absolutely essential; but at present, until he was reconciled with his wife, the subject could not be discussed. The most unpleasant thing of all was that his pecuniary interests should in this way enter into the question of his reconciliation with his wife. And the idea that he might be led on by his interests, that he might seek a reconciliation with his wife on account of the sale of the forest—that idea hurt him. When he had finished his letters, Stepan Arkadyevitch moved the office-papers close to him, rapidly looked through two pieces of business, made a few notes with a big pencil, and pushing away the papers, turned to his coffee. As he sipped his coffee, he opened a still damp morning paper, and began reading it. Stepan Arkadyevitch took in and read a liberal paper, not an extreme one, but one advocating the views held by the majority. And in spite of the fact that science, art, and politics had no special interest for him, he firmly held those views on all these subjects which were held by the majority and by his paper, and he only changed them when the majority changed them—or, more strictly speaking, he did not change them, but they imperceptibly changed of themselves within him. Stepan Arkadyevitch had not chosen his political opinions or his views; these political opinions and views had come to him of themselves, just as he did not choose the shapes of his hat and coat, but simply took those that were being worn. And for him, living in a certain society—owing to the need, ordinarily developed at years of discretion, for some degree of mental activity—to have views was just as indispensable as to have a hat. If there was a reason for his preferring liberal to conservative views, which were held also by many of his circle, it arose not from his considering liberalism more rational, but from its being in closer accordance with his manner of life. The liberal party said that in Russia everything is wrong, and certainly Stepan Arkadyevitch had many debts and was decidedly short of money. The liberal party said that marriage is an institution quite out of date, and that it needs reconstruction; and family life certainly afforded Stepan Arkadyevitch little gratification, and forced him into lying and hypocrisy, which was so repulsive to his nature....
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Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Justified Selfishness
The mental process of transforming harmful actions into reasonable choices by avoiding empathy for those we've hurt.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to distinguish between genuine remorse and self-serving rationalization by examining whose pain gets centered in the conversation.
Practice This Today
Next time someone apologizes to you, notice whether they focus on their intentions or your actual experience—real accountability acknowledges specific harm without making excuses.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Governess
A live-in woman hired to educate and care for wealthy children in their homes. In 19th-century Russia, French governesses were especially prized as status symbols. They lived with the family but occupied an awkward social position - above servants but below family members.
Modern Usage:
Like today's live-in nannies or au pairs who become part of the household but maintain professional boundaries that can easily blur.
Drawing room
The formal sitting room where wealthy families received guests and conducted social business. It was the most elegant room in the house, used for entertaining and important conversations. The drawing room represented the family's public face.
Modern Usage:
Similar to today's formal living room that nobody actually uses except when company comes over.
Marital propriety
The strict social rules governing how married couples should behave, especially in public. In aristocratic Russian society, maintaining appearances was crucial even if the private reality was different. Divorce was scandalous and nearly impossible for women.
Modern Usage:
Like couples today who post happy photos on social media while their relationship is falling apart behind closed doors.
Masculine privilege
The social expectation that men's desires and freedoms mattered more than women's feelings or security. Upper-class men could have affairs with little social consequence, while women faced ruin for the same behavior.
Modern Usage:
Still seen today in double standards about sexual behavior and the assumption that men 'can't help themselves' when they cheat.
Domestic upheaval
When family conflict disrupts the entire household routine. In wealthy homes with many servants, personal drama affected everyone's daily life and work. The smooth running of the house depended on family harmony.
Modern Usage:
Like when parents fight and the whole house feels tense - kids act out, nobody wants to be home, and normal routines fall apart.
Self-justification
The mental process of convincing yourself that your harmful actions were reasonable or unavoidable. Oblonsky genuinely believes his affair was natural and his wife's reaction is excessive.
Modern Usage:
What people do today when they cheat and then blame their partner for 'not understanding their needs' or 'being too dramatic.'
Characters in This Chapter
Stepan Arkadyevitch Oblonsky
Protagonist of this subplot
A charming but selfish man who had an affair with the family governess. He wakes up to find his comfortable life in chaos but still thinks his wife is overreacting. His inability to truly understand the pain he's caused shows his fundamental selfishness.
Modern Equivalent:
The guy who cheats and then gets frustrated that his wife won't 'just get over it' already
Darya Alexandrovna (Dolly)
Betrayed wife
Oblonsky's wife who discovered his affair and is now locked in her room, devastated and considering leaving. Though we don't see her directly in this chapter, her pain and rage drive all the action. She represents the real cost of Oblonsky's selfishness.
Modern Equivalent:
The wife who finds out about the affair through text messages and is trying to figure out if her marriage can survive
The French governess
Catalyst for crisis
Though no longer present, her affair with Oblonsky has destroyed the family's stability. Her position in the household made the betrayal even more painful for Dolly, as it happened under their own roof with someone trusted with their children.
Modern Equivalent:
The babysitter or family friend who crosses boundaries and ruins everything
The household servants
Witnesses to chaos
They don't know how to behave or whom to obey with the family in crisis. Their confusion shows how personal drama affects everyone around it, not just the main players.
Modern Equivalent:
Coworkers who have to deal with the awkward tension when their boss is going through a messy divorce
Key Quotes & Analysis
"Everything was in confusion in the Oblonskys' house."
Context: Opening line describing the aftermath of the affair's discovery
This simple sentence immediately establishes that personal betrayal creates chaos far beyond just the couple involved. The word 'confusion' suggests that nobody knows how to act or what comes next when the foundation of family life is shattered.
In Today's Words:
When the affair came out, everything at home went completely sideways.
"Stepan Arkadyevitch was a truthful man in his relations with himself."
Context: Describing Oblonsky's self-awareness about his situation
This is deeply ironic - Tolstoy shows us that Oblonsky's 'truthfulness' with himself is actually elaborate self-deception. He's honest about wanting pleasure but dishonest about the consequences of his actions.
In Today's Words:
Steve was really good at lying to himself and calling it honesty.
"He could not at this date repent of the fact that he, a handsome, susceptible man of thirty-four, was not in love with his wife, the mother of five living children and one dead one."
Context: Oblonsky reflecting on his feelings toward his wife
This reveals Oblonsky's fundamental selfishness - he sees his lack of love for his wife as natural and unchangeable, ignoring his responsibility to the family he created. The mention of their dead child emphasizes what Dolly has sacrificed.
In Today's Words:
He couldn't feel bad about not loving his wife anymore - after all, he was still young and attractive, and she was just a tired mom.
"His wife had found out that he was having an affair with a French girl, who had been a governess in their family, and she had announced to him that she could not go on living in the same house with him."
Context: Explaining the crisis that has erupted
The clinical, matter-of-fact tone contrasts sharply with the emotional devastation this represents. The fact that it was their children's governess makes the betrayal even more intimate and painful.
In Today's Words:
His wife caught him sleeping with the nanny and told him she was done.
Thematic Threads
Self-Deception
In This Chapter
Oblonsky genuinely believes his wife is overreacting to his 'meaningless' affair
Development
Introduced here
In Your Life:
Notice when you find yourself with elaborate explanations for why your hurtful behavior was actually reasonable.
Consequences
In This Chapter
The household chaos mirrors the emotional destruction Oblonsky has caused
Development
Building from Chapter 1's surface-level problems
In Your Life:
Your actions create ripple effects beyond what you intended or want to acknowledge.
Gender Expectations
In This Chapter
Oblonsky assumes men are entitled to excitement while women should accept and forgive
Development
Introduced here
In Your Life:
Question which behaviors you excuse in yourself that you'd judge harshly in others.
Communication
In This Chapter
Complete breakdown between spouses who can't access each other's actual experience
Development
Introduced here
In Your Life:
The biggest relationship problems often stem from assuming you understand someone else's inner world.
Class
In This Chapter
The household servants reflect the family's emotional state, showing how personal chaos affects everyone
Development
Developing from earlier establishment of social world
In Your Life:
Your personal problems don't stay personal—they affect everyone around you, especially those with less power.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
What specific justifications does Oblonsky give himself for why his affair wasn't really that bad?
analysis • surface - 2
Why can't Oblonsky truly understand why Dolly is so upset, even though he feels sorry?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see this pattern of justified selfishness in modern workplaces, relationships, or politics?
application • medium - 4
How would you recognize if you were falling into the justified selfishness loop in your own life?
application • deep - 5
What does Oblonsky's inability to feel genuine empathy for Dolly reveal about how we protect our self-image?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Rewrite the Morning from Dolly's Perspective
Write a short paragraph describing this same morning from Dolly's point of view. What is she thinking and feeling as she hears Oblonsky moving around the house? What specific details would matter to her that Oblonsky completely misses? Focus on the gap between what he assumes she's thinking versus what she might actually be experiencing.
Consider:
- •How might discovering the affair have changed how she sees their entire marriage?
- •What practical worries might she have beyond just feeling betrayed?
- •How does the chaos in the household affect her differently than it affects him?
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when someone hurt you but seemed genuinely confused about why you were upset. What were they missing about your actual experience?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 4
Moving forward, we'll examine key events and character development in this chapter, and understand thematic elements and literary techniques. These insights bridge the gap between classic literature and modern experience.