Summary
Prince Andrew delivers a shocking confession to his friend Pierre over dinner: marriage has destroyed his potential and trapped him in a meaningless social world. Speaking with unusual passion, Andrew warns Pierre never to marry until he's accomplished everything he's capable of, or risk losing his best self to 'drawing rooms, gossip, balls, vanity, and triviality.' His wife is a good woman, he admits, but marriage itself has chained him like a convict, destroying his freedom and hope. This outburst reveals Andrew's deep frustration with his constrained life as he prepares to leave for war. Pierre, illegitimate and directionless, listens in amazement to his friend's bitter wisdom. Despite Andrew's harsh words about women and society, Pierre recognizes his friend's superior qualities—his willpower, memory, and capacity for work that Pierre himself lacks. The conversation shifts when Andrew, after his emotional release, turns attention to Pierre's dissolute lifestyle with the Kuragin family. Pierre admits he's tired of the debauchery and empty pleasures, promising on his honor to avoid another night of such company. This intimate exchange shows two men at crossroads: Andrew trapped by duty and social expectations, Pierre adrift without purpose or direction. Andrew's marriage warning serves as both personal confession and life lesson about the dangers of premature commitment before self-discovery.
Coming Up in Chapter 9
The scene shifts as we meet more characters navigating the complex social world that has trapped Prince Andrew. New personalities emerge, each carrying their own burdens and ambitions in Russian high society.
Share it with friends
An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
The friends were silent. Neither cared to begin talking. Pierre continually glanced at Prince Andrew; Prince Andrew rubbed his forehead with his small hand. “Let us go and have supper,” he said with a sigh, going to the door. They entered the elegant, newly decorated, and luxurious dining room. Everything from the table napkins to the silver, china, and glass bore that imprint of newness found in the households of the newly married. Halfway through supper Prince Andrew leaned his elbows on the table and, with a look of nervous agitation such as Pierre had never before seen on his face, began to talk—as one who has long had something on his mind and suddenly determines to speak out. “Never, never marry, my dear fellow! That’s my advice: never marry till you can say to yourself that you have done all you are capable of, and until you have ceased to love the woman of your choice and have seen her plainly as she is, or else you will make a cruel and irrevocable mistake. Marry when you are old and good for nothing—or all that is good and noble in you will be lost. It will all be wasted on trifles. Yes! Yes! Yes! Don’t look at me with such surprise. If you marry expecting anything from yourself in the future, you will feel at every step that for you all is ended, all is closed except the drawing room, where you will be ranged side by side with a court lackey and an idiot!... But what’s the good?...” and he waved his arm. Pierre took off his spectacles, which made his face seem different and the good-natured expression still more apparent, and gazed at his friend in amazement. “My wife,” continued Prince Andrew, “is an excellent woman, one of those rare women with whom a man’s honor is safe; but, O God, what would I not give now to be unmarried! You are the first and only one to whom I mention this, because I like you.” As he said this Prince Andrew was less than ever like that Bolkónski who had lolled in Anna Pávlovna’s easy chairs and with half-closed eyes had uttered French phrases between his teeth. Every muscle of his thin face was now quivering with nervous excitement; his eyes, in which the fire of life had seemed extinguished, now flashed with brilliant light. It was evident that the more lifeless he seemed at ordinary times, the more impassioned he became in these moments of almost morbid irritation. “You don’t understand why I say this,” he continued, “but it is the whole story of life. You talk of Bonaparte and his career,” said he (though Pierre had not mentioned Bonaparte), “but Bonaparte when he worked went step by step toward his goal. He was free, he had nothing but his aim to consider, and he reached it. But tie yourself up with a woman and, like a chained convict, you lose all freedom! And all...
Master this chapter. Complete your experience
Purchase the complete book to access all chapters and support classic literature
As an Amazon Associate, we earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.
Available in paperback, hardcover, and e-book formats
Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Premature Commitment
Making life-defining choices before developing the self-knowledge to choose wisely, leading to resentment and stunted growth.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to spot when you're making life-defining choices to meet others' expectations rather than your own understanding of what you need.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when someone pressures you toward a 'good opportunity'—ask yourself if you're being sold their version of success or genuinely exploring your own path.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Drawing room society
The formal social world of the wealthy, centered around elaborate parlors where people gathered for conversation, gossip, and social positioning. This was where marriages were arranged, reputations made or destroyed, and social hierarchies maintained through careful performance.
Modern Usage:
Today's equivalent is the networking event circuit, country club scene, or social media influence culture where people perform their status.
Arranged marriage expectations
In 19th-century Russian aristocracy, marriage was primarily a social and economic contract between families rather than a romantic choice. Personal compatibility was secondary to family status, wealth, and social advancement.
Modern Usage:
We see this in cultures that still practice arranged marriages, but also in modern 'strategic' relationships based on career advancement or social climbing.
Masculine domesticity trap
The idea that marriage and family responsibilities could limit a man's potential for great achievements, adventure, or self-development. This was a common fear among ambitious young men of the era.
Modern Usage:
Today this shows up as fear of 'settling down too early' or the stereotype that marriage and kids end your dreams and freedom.
Honor-based promises
In aristocratic culture, giving your word of honor was the highest form of commitment, more binding than legal contracts. Breaking such a promise meant social disgrace and loss of reputation.
Modern Usage:
We still use 'I give you my word' or 'I swear on my mother's grave' when we want to show we're absolutely serious about a commitment.
Dissolute lifestyle
Living without moral restraints, typically involving excessive drinking, gambling, sexual adventures, and other behaviors considered socially destructive. For wealthy young men, this was often a phase before 'settling down.'
Modern Usage:
Today's party lifestyle, club scene, or what we might call 'living wild' before getting serious about life and responsibilities.
Social vanity
Excessive concern with appearance, status symbols, and what others think of you. In aristocratic society, this meant constant attention to fashion, gossip, and maintaining your position in social hierarchies.
Modern Usage:
Modern social media culture, where people curate their image for likes and follows, or keeping up with the Joneses mentality.
Characters in This Chapter
Prince Andrew
Disillusioned mentor figure
Delivers a passionate warning about marriage destroying personal potential. He's preparing to leave for war, suggesting he sees military service as escape from his trapped domestic life. His unusual emotional outburst reveals deep frustration with his constrained existence.
Modern Equivalent:
The successful friend who seems to have it all but privately warns you about the choices that trapped him
Pierre
Seeking protagonist
Listens to Andrew's marriage warning while dealing with his own directionless life of partying and empty pleasures. He's illegitimate, which affects his social status, and he's searching for meaning and purpose. He promises to change his dissolute ways.
Modern Equivalent:
The friend who's drifting through life, partying too much, and looking for someone to tell him how to get his act together
Key Quotes & Analysis
"Never, never marry, my dear fellow! That's my advice: never marry till you can say to yourself that you have done all you are capable of"
Context: Andrew suddenly opens up during dinner, sharing his bitter feelings about marriage
This reveals Andrew's deep regret about marrying before achieving his potential. He sees marriage as a trap that prevents personal growth and accomplishment. His passionate tone shows this isn't casual advice but hard-won wisdom from personal suffering.
In Today's Words:
Don't get married until you've figured out who you are and what you want to accomplish, or you'll lose yourself completely
"If you marry expecting anything from yourself in the future, you will feel at every step that for you all is ended, all is closed except the drawing room"
Context: Continuing his warning about marriage destroying ambition
Andrew describes marriage as death to personal ambition and growth. The 'drawing room' represents the shallow social world that becomes your entire universe when you're trapped in domestic obligations. This reflects his view that marriage reduces life to social performance.
In Today's Words:
Get married while you still have big dreams and you'll end up stuck in a world of small talk and social obligations
"I give you my word of honor"
Context: Pierre promises Andrew he'll avoid another night of debauchery with the Kuragins
This shows Pierre recognizing he needs to change his lifestyle and taking Andrew's friendship seriously enough to make a binding promise. In their culture, honor-based promises were sacred, showing Pierre's genuine commitment to reform.
In Today's Words:
I swear to you, I'm done with that crowd and that lifestyle
Thematic Threads
Identity
In This Chapter
Andrew realizes marriage prevented him from discovering his true capabilities and potential
Development
Deepens from earlier social performance themes—now we see the cost of living for others' expectations
In Your Life:
You might feel this when major life choices were made to please family or society rather than from self-knowledge
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Marriage as social duty that traps rather than fulfills, despite wife being 'good'
Development
Continues exploration of how social roles can become prisons
In Your Life:
You see this when following traditional life scripts feels suffocating rather than meaningful
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Andrew's recognition that he committed before fully developing himself
Development
Introduced here as central tension between security and self-discovery
In Your Life:
You experience this when wondering 'what if' about paths not taken due to early commitments
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Pierre and Andrew's honest friendship allows brutal truth-telling about life choices
Development
Shows how authentic relationships enable self-examination
In Your Life:
You need this kind of friend who'll listen to your real struggles without judgment
Class
In This Chapter
Upper-class social world described as 'drawing rooms, gossip, balls'—empty privilege
Development
Continues critique of aristocratic society as meaningless performance
In Your Life:
You might recognize this in any social circle that demands conformity over authenticity
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
What specific warning does Andrew give Pierre about marriage, and why does he compare himself to a convict?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Andrew blame marriage for destroying his potential rather than blaming his wife directly?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see people today making major life commitments before they know who they are or what they want?
application • medium - 4
How can someone protect their growth and self-discovery while still meeting social expectations about major life milestones?
application • deep - 5
What does Andrew's confession reveal about the difference between choosing safety and choosing growth?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Map Your Commitment Timeline
Create a timeline of major commitments in your life or ones you're considering. For each commitment, mark whether you made it from self-knowledge or external pressure. Then identify one area where you could create more space for exploration before your next big decision.
Consider:
- •Consider both commitments you've made and ones others expect you to make
- •Think about the difference between choosing from fear versus choosing from knowledge
- •Remember that some commitments can be modified or approached differently even after they're made
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you felt pressured to commit to something before you were ready. What did you learn from that experience, and how would you handle similar pressure now?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 9: The Dangerous Bet
Moving forward, we'll examine weak character leads to broken promises and self-justification, and understand the psychology of peer pressure and dangerous group dynamics. These insights bridge the gap between classic literature and modern experience.