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War and Peace - When Mothers Make Excuses for Bad Men

Leo Tolstoy

War and Peace

When Mothers Make Excuses for Bad Men

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Summary

After the duel, Rostóv becomes friends with the recovering Dólokhov, who's being nursed by his adoring mother. She constantly defends her son, painting him as noble and misunderstood while blaming Pierre for the duel. Dólokhov himself puts on a philosophical act, claiming he only cares about a few people he loves deeply and dismissing most others as harmful, especially women he considers corrupt. He talks about seeking a pure woman who could redeem him. When the Rostóvs return to Moscow for winter, their house becomes a hub of young social life with Véra, Sónya, and Natásha attracting many suitors. Dólokhov becomes a regular visitor, clearly pursuing Sónya despite her obvious discomfort. While everyone else is charmed by him, Natásha sees through his act, insisting he's calculating and unnatural. She correctly predicts his interest in Sónya, which makes everyone uncomfortable except Dólokhov himself. Meanwhile, war preparations against Napoleon intensify, and Nicholas plans to return to his regiment after Christmas. This chapter reveals how manipulative people use family loyalty and philosophical talk to mask their true nature, while showing how some people—like Natásha—have an instinct for spotting phonies that others miss.

Coming Up in Chapter 79

As Dólokhov's pursuit of Sónya intensifies, the uncomfortable dynamics in the Rostóv household are about to reach a breaking point. Nicholas will be forced to confront what his friendship with Dólokhov really means for his family.

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An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 1288 words)

R

ostóv’s share in Dólokhov’s duel with Bezúkhov was hushed up by
the efforts of the old count, and instead of being degraded to the ranks
as he expected he was appointed an adjutant to the governor general of
Moscow. As a result he could not go to the country with the rest of the
family, but was kept all summer in Moscow by his new duties. Dólokhov
recovered, and Rostóv became very friendly with him during his
convalescence. Dólokhov lay ill at his mother’s who loved him
passionately and tenderly, and old Mary Ivánovna, who had grown fond of
Rostóv for his friendship to her Fédya, often talked to him about her
son.

“Yes, Count,” she would say, “he is too noble and pure-souled for
our present, depraved world. No one now loves virtue; it seems like
a reproach to everyone. Now tell me, Count, was it right, was it
honorable, of Bezúkhov? And Fédya, with his noble spirit, loved him
and even now never says a word against him. Those pranks in Petersburg
when they played some tricks on a policeman, didn’t they do it
together? And there! Bezúkhov got off scotfree, while Fédya had to
bear the whole burden on his shoulders. Fancy what he had to go through!
It’s true he has been reinstated, but how could they fail to do that?
I think there were not many such gallant sons of the fatherland out
there as he. And now—this duel! Have these people no feeling, or
honor? Knowing him to be an only son, to challenge him and shoot so
straight! It’s well God had mercy on us. And what was it for? Who
doesn’t have intrigues nowadays? Why, if he was so jealous, as I see
things he should have shown it sooner, but he lets it go on for months.
And then to call him out, reckoning on Fédya not fighting because he
owed him money! What baseness! What meanness! I know you understand
Fédya, my dear count; that, believe me, is why I am so fond of you. Few
people do understand him. He is such a lofty, heavenly soul!”

Dólokhov himself during his convalescence spoke to Rostóv in a way no
one would have expected of him.

“I know people consider me a bad man!” he said. “Let them! I
don’t care a straw about anyone but those I love; but those I love,
I love so that I would give my life for them, and the others I’d
throttle if they stood in my way. I have an adored, a priceless mother,
and two or three friends—you among them—and as for the rest I only
care about them in so far as they are harmful or useful. And most of
them are harmful, especially the women. Yes, dear boy,” he continued,
“I have met loving, noble, high-minded men, but I have not yet met
any women—countesses or cooks—who were not venal. I have not yet met
that divine purity and devotion I look for in women. If I found such a
one I’d give my life for her! But those!...” and he made a gesture
of contempt. “And believe me, if I still value my life it is
only because I still hope to meet such a divine creature, who will
regenerate, purify, and elevate me. But you don’t understand it.”

“Oh, yes, I quite understand,” answered Rostóv, who was under his
new friend’s influence.

In the autumn the Rostóvs returned to Moscow. Early in the winter
Denísov also came back and stayed with them. The first half of the
winter of 1806, which Nicholas Rostóv spent in Moscow, was one of the
happiest, merriest times for him and the whole family. Nicholas brought
many young men to his parents’ house. Véra was a handsome girl
of twenty; Sónya a girl of sixteen with all the charm of an opening
flower; Natásha, half grown up and half child, was now childishly
amusing, now girlishly enchanting.

At that time in the Rostóvs’ house there prevailed an amorous
atmosphere characteristic of homes where there are very young and very
charming girls. Every young man who came to the house—seeing those
impressionable, smiling young faces (smiling probably at their own
happiness)
, feeling the eager bustle around him, and hearing the fitful
bursts of song and music and the inconsequent but friendly prattle of
young girls ready for anything and full of hope—experienced the same
feeling; sharing with the young folk of the Rostóvs’ household a
readiness to fall in love and an expectation of happiness.

Among the young men introduced by Rostóv one of the first was
Dólokhov, whom everyone in the house liked except Natásha. She almost
quarreled with her brother about him. She insisted that he was a bad
man, and that in the duel with Bezúkhov, Pierre was right and Dólokhov
wrong, and further that he was disagreeable and unnatural.

“There’s nothing for me to understand,” she cried out with
resolute self-will, “he is wicked and heartless. There now, I like
your Denísov though he is a rake and all that, still I like him; so
you see I do understand. I don’t know how to put it... with this one
everything is calculated, and I don’t like that. But Denísov...”

“Oh, Denísov is quite different,” replied Nicholas, implying that
even Denísov was nothing compared to Dólokhov—“you must understand
what a soul there is in Dólokhov, you should see him with his mother.
What a heart!”

“Well, I don’t know about that, but I am uncomfortable with him. And
do you know he has fallen in love with Sónya?”

“What nonsense...”

“I’m certain of it; you’ll see.”

Natásha’s prediction proved true. Dólokhov, who did not usually care
for the society of ladies, began to come often to the house, and the
question for whose sake he came (though no one spoke of it) was soon
settled. He came because of Sónya. And Sónya, though she would never
have dared to say so, knew it and blushed scarlet every time Dólokhov
appeared.

Dólokhov often dined at the Rostóvs’, never missed a performance at
which they were present, and went to Iogel’s balls for young people
which the Rostóvs always attended. He was pointedly attentive to Sónya
and looked at her in such a way that not only could she not bear his
glances without coloring, but even the old countess and Natásha blushed
when they saw his looks.

It was evident that this strange, strong man was under the irresistible
influence of the dark, graceful girl who loved another.

Rostóv noticed something new in Dólokhov’s relations with Sónya,
but he did not explain to himself what these new relations were.
“They’re always in love with someone,” he thought of Sónya and
Natásha. But he was not as much at ease with Sónya and Dólokhov as
before and was less frequently at home.

In the autumn of 1806 everybody had again begun talking of the war with
Napoleon with even greater warmth than the year before. Orders were
given to raise recruits, ten men in every thousand for the regular army,
and besides this, nine men in every thousand for the militia. Everywhere
Bonaparte was anathematized and in Moscow nothing but the coming war
was talked of. For the Rostóv family the whole interest of these
preparations for war lay in the fact that Nicholas would not hear of
remaining in Moscow, and only awaited the termination of Denísov’s
furlough after Christmas to return with him to their regiment. His
approaching departure did not prevent his amusing himself, but rather
gave zest to his pleasures. He spent the greater part of his time away
from home, at dinners, parties, and balls.

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Let's Analyse the Pattern

Pattern: The Philosophy Shield
This chapter reveals a crucial pattern: manipulative people weaponize philosophy and family loyalty to mask predatory behavior. They present themselves as deep thinkers with noble ideals while systematically targeting vulnerable people. The mechanism is sophisticated. Dólokhov uses his mother's devotion as social proof—if his own mother defends him so passionately, he must be misunderstood rather than dangerous. He layers on philosophical talk about seeking 'pure' women and dismissing others as corrupt, positioning himself as a romantic idealist rather than a calculating predator. This creates cognitive dissonance in observers: his words sound noble, his mother vouches for him, so their gut instincts must be wrong. Meanwhile, he systematically pursues Sónya despite her obvious discomfort, using the social setting to normalize his unwanted attention. This exact pattern appears everywhere today. In healthcare, you'll encounter doctors who use medical jargon and their professional status to dismiss patient concerns while pursuing inappropriate relationships with staff. At work, there's always someone who talks about 'mentoring' younger colleagues while consistently targeting the most vulnerable for unwanted attention. In families, relatives use holiday gatherings and family loyalty to corner people who've been avoiding them, counting on social pressure to prevent their targets from making scenes. Online, predators craft elaborate philosophical profiles about seeking 'authentic connections' while systematically targeting people going through difficult transitions. When you recognize this pattern, trust your gut over their words. Like Natásha, some people have strong instincts for spotting phonies—listen to them. If someone makes you uncomfortable but everyone else defends them, pay attention to the power dynamics. Ask yourself: who benefits from believing this person's story? Create boundaries and stick to them, regardless of social pressure. Document concerning behavior. Most importantly, understand that your discomfort is data, not a character flaw. When you can name the pattern, predict where it leads, and navigate it successfully—that's amplified intelligence working to protect you and others.

Manipulative people use high-minded talk and family endorsements to mask predatory behavior and overcome others' natural defenses.

Why This Matters

Connect literature to life

Skill: Detecting Weaponized Philosophy

This chapter teaches how manipulative people use high-minded talk and family endorsements to mask predatory behavior.

Practice This Today

This week, notice when someone's noble words don't match their targeting behavior—if their philosophy serves their desires rather than guiding them away from harmful actions, trust your gut over their presentation.

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Now let's explore the literary elements.

Key Quotes & Analysis

"He is too noble and pure-souled for our present, depraved world. No one now loves virtue; it seems like a reproach to everyone."

— Mary Ivánovna

Context: Defending her son Dólokhov to Rostóv while he recovers from the duel

Shows how enabling parents reframe their child's problems as the world being against them. She can't see that Dólokhov's issues come from his own choices, not society's corruption.

In Today's Words:

Everyone's just jealous of how good my son is - that's why they don't like him.

"I value only those few people whom I love; and as for the rest I only care for them in so far as they are harmful or useful."

— Dólokhov

Context: Explaining his philosophy of life to make himself sound deep and misunderstood

This sounds philosophical but reveals his purely transactional view of relationships. He divides people into useful, harmful, or beloved - showing his manipulative mindset.

In Today's Words:

I only care about people I can use or people I love - everyone else is just in my way.

"I don't like him at all. He's calculating and unnatural."

— Natásha

Context: Expressing her immediate distrust of Dólokhov when others find him charming

Natásha's intuition cuts through Dólokhov's performance instantly. Her use of 'calculating' and 'unnatural' perfectly captures what others miss - he's performing rather than being genuine.

In Today's Words:

Something's off about him - he's fake and he's working an angle.

Thematic Threads

Deception

In This Chapter

Dólokhov uses philosophical talk about seeking pure love to mask his calculated pursuit of uncomfortable Sónya

Development

Evolved from Pierre's self-deception to active manipulation of others

In Your Life:

You might encounter this in dating apps where someone's noble-sounding profile masks controlling behavior in person.

Family Loyalty

In This Chapter

Dólokhov's mother's passionate defense of him serves as social proof that he's misunderstood rather than dangerous

Development

Introduced here as a weapon rather than genuine bond

In Your Life:

You might see this when family members pressure you to give problematic relatives 'another chance' at gatherings.

Social Pressure

In This Chapter

Everyone except Natásha is charmed by Dólokhov, making her accurate assessment seem like the odd one out

Development

Building from earlier scenes of social conformity

In Your Life:

You might experience this when you're the only one who sees red flags in someone everyone else loves.

Intuition

In This Chapter

Natásha sees through Dólokhov's act and correctly predicts his intentions while others are fooled

Development

Introduced here as a protective skill

In Your Life:

You might have this gut feeling about someone that you dismiss because others think you're being unfair.

Power Dynamics

In This Chapter

Dólokhov uses his social position and the Rostóvs' hospitality to pursue Sónya despite her discomfort

Development

Evolved from earlier military and social hierarchies

In Your Life:

You might see this when someone uses their position or social connections to make unwanted advances difficult to refuse.

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You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.

Discussion Questions

  1. 1

    How does Dolokhov's mother defend him, and what effect does this have on how others see him?

    analysis • surface
  2. 2

    Why does Dolokhov's philosophical talk about seeking 'pure' women make his pursuit of the uncomfortable Sonya even more concerning?

    analysis • medium
  3. 3

    Where have you seen people use family loyalty, professional status, or noble-sounding words to deflect criticism while continuing harmful behavior?

    application • medium
  4. 4

    When someone makes you uncomfortable but others defend them, how do you decide whether to trust your instincts or dismiss your feelings?

    application • deep
  5. 5

    What does Natasha's ability to see through Dolokhov when others can't teach us about trusting people with good instincts for character?

    reflection • deep

Critical Thinking Exercise

10 minutes

Spot the Red Flag Pattern

Think of someone who made you uncomfortable but who others defended or praised. Map out their tactics: What noble-sounding reasons did they give for their behavior? Who vouched for them and why? What made you uncomfortable despite their good reputation? Write down the specific pattern you recognize.

Consider:

  • •Notice how they used other people's voices to defend themselves rather than addressing concerns directly
  • •Pay attention to the gap between their stated values and their actual behavior toward vulnerable people
  • •Consider whether your discomfort was about their actions or just their words and reputation

Journaling Prompt

Write about a time when you ignored your gut instincts about someone because others vouched for them. What happened, and what would you do differently now?

Coming Up Next...

Chapter 79: Love, Duty, and Difficult Choices

As Dólokhov's pursuit of Sónya intensifies, the uncomfortable dynamics in the Rostóv household are about to reach a breaking point. Nicholas will be forced to confront what his friendship with Dólokhov really means for his family.

Continue to Chapter 79
Previous
Birth, Death, and the Weight of Guilt
Contents
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Love, Duty, and Difficult Choices

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