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War and Peace - The Weight of Farewell

Leo Tolstoy

War and Peace

The Weight of Farewell

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Summary

Prince Andrew prepares to leave for war, and every interaction reveals the complex web of family relationships beneath the surface. His sister Mary desperately tries to bridge the gap between him and his pregnant wife Lise, but Andrew's polite indifference toward his marriage becomes painfully clear. Mary, ever the peacemaker, gives Andrew a religious icon for protection—a gesture that highlights her deep faith against his skepticism. The chapter's emotional core comes in Andrew's final conversation with his harsh but loving father, where both men struggle to express their fears about separation and death. The old prince's gruff exterior cracks just enough to show his terror of losing his son, while Andrew reveals his own doubts about his loveless marriage. When Andrew finally says goodbye to his wife, her dramatic fainting spell feels performative rather than genuine, underscoring the emotional distance between them. The chapter masterfully shows how families navigate love, duty, and unspoken truths when facing uncertainty. Tolstoy reveals that sometimes the people who know us best are the ones we find hardest to be honest with, and that ritual—like Mary's icon—can carry the weight of feelings too complex for words.

Coming Up in Chapter 29

The scene shifts to the broader canvas of war as we enter Book Two, where personal dramas intersect with the grand sweep of history. The intimate family dynamics we've witnessed will soon collide with the chaos of 1805's military campaigns.

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An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 3283 words)

P

rince Andrew was to leave next evening. The old prince, not altering
his routine, retired as usual after dinner. The little princess was in
her sister-in-law’s room. Prince Andrew in a traveling coat without
epaulettes had been packing with his valet in the rooms assigned to him.
After inspecting the carriage himself and seeing the trunks put in, he
ordered the horses to be harnessed. Only those things he always kept
with him remained in his room; a small box, a large canteen fitted
with silver plate, two Turkish pistols and a saber—a present from
his father who had brought it from the siege of Ochákov. All these
traveling effects of Prince Andrew’s were in very good order: new,
clean, and in cloth covers carefully tied with tapes.

When starting on a journey or changing their mode of life, men capable
of reflection are generally in a serious frame of mind. At such moments
one reviews the past and plans for the future. Prince Andrew’s face
looked very thoughtful and tender. With his hands behind him he paced
briskly from corner to corner of the room, looking straight before him
and thoughtfully shaking his head. Did he fear going to the war, or was
he sad at leaving his wife?—perhaps both, but evidently he did not
wish to be seen in that mood, for hearing footsteps in the passage he
hurriedly unclasped his hands, stopped at a table as if tying the
cover of the small box, and assumed his usual tranquil and impenetrable
expression. It was the heavy tread of Princess Mary that he heard.

“I hear you have given orders to harness,” she cried, panting (she
had apparently been running)
, “and I did so wish to have another talk
with you alone! God knows how long we may again be parted. You are not
angry with me for coming? You have changed so, Andrúsha,” she added,
as if to explain such a question.

She smiled as she uttered his pet name, “Andrúsha.” It was
obviously strange to her to think that this stern handsome man should be
Andrúsha—the slender mischievous boy who had been her playfellow in
childhood.

“And where is Lise?” he asked, answering her question only by a
smile.

“She was so tired that she has fallen asleep on the sofa in my room.
Oh, Andrew! What a treasure of a wife you have,” said she, sitting
down on the sofa, facing her brother. “She is quite a child: such a
dear, merry child. I have grown so fond of her.”

Prince Andrew was silent, but the princess noticed the ironical and
contemptuous look that showed itself on his face.

“One must be indulgent to little weaknesses; who is free from them,
Andrew? Don’t forget that she has grown up and been educated in
society, and so her position now is not a rosy one. We should enter into
everyone’s situation. Tout comprendre, c’est tout pardonner. * Think
what it must be for her, poor thing, after what she has been used to,
to be parted from her husband and be left alone in the country, in her
condition! It’s very hard.”

* To understand all is to forgive all.

Prince Andrew smiled as he looked at his sister, as we smile at those we
think we thoroughly understand.

“You live in the country and don’t think the life terrible,” he
replied.

“I... that’s different. Why speak of me? I don’t want any other
life, and can’t, for I know no other. But think, Andrew: for a young
society woman to be buried in the country during the best years of her
life, all alone—for Papa is always busy, and I... well, you know what
poor resources I have for entertaining a woman used to the best society.
There is only Mademoiselle Bourienne....”

“I don’t like your Mademoiselle Bourienne at all,” said Prince
Andrew.

“No? She is very nice and kind and, above all, she’s much to be
pitied. She has no one, no one. To tell the truth, I don’t need her,
and she’s even in my way. You know I always was a savage, and now am
even more so. I like being alone.... Father likes her very much. She and
Michael Ivánovich are the two people to whom he is always gentle and
kind, because he has been a benefactor to them both. As Sterne says:
‘We don’t love people so much for the good they have done us, as
for the good we have done them.’ Father took her when she was homeless
after losing her own father. She is very good-natured, and my father
likes her way of reading. She reads to him in the evenings and reads
splendidly.”

“To be quite frank, Mary, I expect Father’s character sometimes
makes things trying for you, doesn’t it?” Prince Andrew asked
suddenly.

Princess Mary was first surprised and then aghast at this question.

“For me? For me?... Trying for me!...” said she.

“He always was rather harsh; and now I should think he’s getting
very trying,” said Prince Andrew, apparently speaking lightly of their
father in order to puzzle or test his sister.

“You are good in every way, Andrew, but you have a kind of
intellectual pride,” said the princess, following the train of her own
thoughts rather than the trend of the conversation—“and that’s a
great sin. How can one judge Father? But even if one might, what feeling
except veneration could such a man as my father evoke? And I am so
contented and happy with him. I only wish you were all as happy as I
am.”

Her brother shook his head incredulously.

“The only thing that is hard for me... I will tell you the truth,
Andrew... is Father’s way of treating religious subjects. I don’t
understand how a man of his immense intellect can fail to see what is
as clear as day, and can go so far astray. That is the only thing
that makes me unhappy. But even in this I can see lately a shade of
improvement. His satire has been less bitter of late, and there was a
monk he received and had a long talk with.”

“Ah! my dear, I am afraid you and your monk are wasting your
powder,” said Prince Andrew banteringly yet tenderly.

“Ah! mon ami, I only pray, and hope that God will hear me.
Andrew...” she said timidly after a moment’s silence, “I have a
great favor to ask of you.”

“What is it, dear?”

“No—promise that you will not refuse! It will give you no trouble
and is nothing unworthy of you, but it will comfort me. Promise,
Andrúsha!...” said she, putting her hand in her reticule but not yet
taking out what she was holding inside it, as if what she held were
the subject of her request and must not be shown before the request was
granted.

She looked timidly at her brother.

“Even if it were a great deal of trouble...” answered Prince Andrew,
as if guessing what it was about.

“Think what you please! I know you are just like Father. Think as
you please, but do this for my sake! Please do! Father’s father, our
grandfather, wore it in all his wars.” (She still did not take out
what she was holding in her reticule.)
“So you promise?”

“Of course. What is it?”

“Andrew, I bless you with this icon and you must promise me you will
never take it off. Do you promise?”

“If it does not weigh a hundredweight and won’t break my neck...
To please you...” said Prince Andrew. But immediately, noticing
the pained expression his joke had brought to his sister’s face, he
repented and added: “I am glad; really, dear, I am very glad.”

“Against your will He will save and have mercy on you and bring you
to Himself, for in Him alone is truth and peace,” said she in a voice
trembling with emotion, solemnly holding up in both hands before her
brother a small, oval, antique, dark-faced icon of the Saviour in a gold
setting, on a finely wrought silver chain.

She crossed herself, kissed the icon, and handed it to Andrew.

“Please, Andrew, for my sake!...”

Rays of gentle light shone from her large, timid eyes. Those eyes lit
up the whole of her thin, sickly face and made it beautiful. Her brother
would have taken the icon, but she stopped him. Andrew understood,
crossed himself and kissed the icon. There was a look of tenderness, for
he was touched, but also a gleam of irony on his face.

“Thank you, my dear.” She kissed him on the forehead and sat down
again on the sofa. They were silent for a while.

“As I was saying to you, Andrew, be kind and generous as you always
used to be. Don’t judge Lise harshly,” she began. “She is so
sweet, so good-natured, and her position now is a very hard one.”

“I do not think I have complained of my wife to you, Másha, or blamed
her. Why do you say all this to me?”

Red patches appeared on Princess Mary’s face and she was silent as if
she felt guilty.

“I have said nothing to you, but you have already been talked to. And
I am sorry for that,” he went on.

The patches grew deeper on her forehead, neck, and cheeks. She tried to
say something but could not. Her brother had guessed right: the little
princess had been crying after dinner and had spoken of her forebodings
about her confinement, and how she dreaded it, and had complained of her
fate, her father-in-law, and her husband. After crying she had fallen
asleep. Prince Andrew felt sorry for his sister.

“Know this, Másha: I can’t reproach, have not reproached, and never
shall reproach my wife with anything, and I cannot reproach myself
with anything in regard to her; and that always will be so in whatever
circumstances I may be placed. But if you want to know the truth... if
you want to know whether I am happy? No! Is she happy? No! But why this
is so I don’t know...”

As he said this he rose, went to his sister, and, stooping, kissed
her forehead. His fine eyes lit up with a thoughtful, kindly, and
unaccustomed brightness, but he was looking not at his sister but over
her head toward the darkness of the open doorway.

“Let us go to her, I must say good-by. Or—go and wake and I’ll
come in a moment. Petrúshka!” he called to his valet: “Come here,
take these away. Put this on the seat and this to the right.”

Princess Mary rose and moved to the door, then stopped and said:
“Andrew, if you had faith you would have turned to God and asked Him
to give you the love you do not feel, and your prayer would have been
answered.”

“Well, maybe!” said Prince Andrew. “Go, Másha; I’ll come
immediately.”

On the way to his sister’s room, in the passage which connected one
wing with the other, Prince Andrew met Mademoiselle Bourienne smiling
sweetly. It was the third time that day that, with an ecstatic and
artless smile, she had met him in secluded passages.

“Oh! I thought you were in your room,” she said, for some reason
blushing and dropping her eyes.

Prince Andrew looked sternly at her and an expression of anger suddenly
came over his face. He said nothing to her but looked at her forehead
and hair, without looking at her eyes, with such contempt that the
Frenchwoman blushed and went away without a word. When he reached his
sister’s room his wife was already awake and her merry voice, hurrying
one word after another, came through the open door. She was speaking as
usual in French, and as if after long self-restraint she wished to make
up for lost time.

“No, but imagine the old Countess Zúbova, with false curls and her
mouth full of false teeth, as if she were trying to cheat old age....
Ha, ha, ha! Mary!”

This very sentence about Countess Zúbova and this same laugh Prince
Andrew had already heard from his wife in the presence of others some
five times. He entered the room softly. The little princess, plump and
rosy, was sitting in an easy chair with her work in her hands, talking
incessantly, repeating Petersburg reminiscences and even phrases. Prince
Andrew came up, stroked her hair, and asked if she felt rested after
their journey. She answered him and continued her chatter.

The coach with six horses was waiting at the porch. It was an autumn
night, so dark that the coachman could not see the carriage pole.
Servants with lanterns were bustling about in the porch. The immense
house was brilliant with lights shining through its lofty windows. The
domestic serfs were crowding in the hall, waiting to bid good-by to
the young prince. The members of the household were all gathered in the
reception hall: Michael Ivánovich, Mademoiselle Bourienne, Princess
Mary, and the little princess. Prince Andrew had been called to his
father’s study as the latter wished to say good-by to him alone. All
were waiting for them to come out.

When Prince Andrew entered the study the old man in his old-age
spectacles and white dressing gown, in which he received no one but his
son, sat at the table writing. He glanced round.

“Going?” And he went on writing.

“I’ve come to say good-by.”

“Kiss me here,” and he touched his cheek: “Thanks, thanks!”

“What do you thank me for?”

“For not dilly-dallying and not hanging to a woman’s apron strings.
The Service before everything. Thanks, thanks!” And he went on
writing, so that his quill spluttered and squeaked. “If you have
anything to say, say it. These two things can be done together,” he
added.

“About my wife... I am ashamed as it is to leave her on your
hands....”

“Why talk nonsense? Say what you want.”

“When her confinement is due, send to Moscow for an accoucheur.... Let
him be here....”

The old prince stopped writing and, as if not understanding, fixed his
stern eyes on his son.

“I know that no one can help if nature does not do her work,” said
Prince Andrew, evidently confused. “I know that out of a million
cases only one goes wrong, but it is her fancy and mine. They have been
telling her things. She has had a dream and is frightened.”

“Hm... Hm...” muttered the old prince to himself, finishing what he
was writing. “I’ll do it.”

He signed with a flourish and suddenly turning to his son began to
laugh.

“It’s a bad business, eh?”

“What is bad, Father?”

“The wife!” said the old prince, briefly and significantly.

“I don’t understand!” said Prince Andrew.

“No, it can’t be helped, lad,” said the prince. “They’re
all like that; one can’t unmarry. Don’t be afraid; I won’t tell
anyone, but you know it yourself.”

He seized his son by the hand with small bony fingers, shook it, looked
straight into his son’s face with keen eyes which seemed to see
through him, and again laughed his frigid laugh.

The son sighed, thus admitting that his father had understood him. The
old man continued to fold and seal his letter, snatching up and throwing
down the wax, the seal, and the paper, with his accustomed rapidity.

“What’s to be done? She’s pretty! I will do everything. Make your
mind easy,” said he in abrupt sentences while sealing his letter.

Andrew did not speak; he was both pleased and displeased that his father
understood him. The old man got up and gave the letter to his son.

“Listen!” said he; “don’t worry about your wife: what can be
done shall be. Now listen! Give this letter to Michael Ilariónovich. *
I have written that he should make use of you in proper places and not
keep you long as an adjutant: a bad position! Tell him I remember
and like him. Write and tell me how he receives you. If he is all
right—serve him. Nicholas Bolkónski’s son need not serve under
anyone if he is in disfavor. Now come here.”

*Kutúzov.

He spoke so rapidly that he did not finish half his words, but his son
was accustomed to understand him. He led him to the desk, raised the
lid, drew out a drawer, and took out an exercise book filled with his
bold, tall, close handwriting.

“I shall probably die before you. So remember, these are my memoirs;
hand them to the Emperor after my death. Now here is a Lombard bond
and a letter; it is a premium for the man who writes a history of
Suvórov’s wars. Send it to the Academy. Here are some jottings for
you to read when I am gone. You will find them useful.”

Andrew did not tell his father that he would no doubt live a long time
yet. He felt that he must not say it.

“I will do it all, Father,” he said.

“Well, now, good-by!” He gave his son his hand to kiss, and embraced
him. “Remember this, Prince Andrew, if they kill you it will hurt me,
your old father...” he paused unexpectedly, and then in a querulous
voice suddenly shrieked: “but if I hear that you have not behaved like
a son of Nicholas Bolkónski, I shall be ashamed!”

“You need not have said that to me, Father,” said the son with a
smile.

The old man was silent.

“I also wanted to ask you,” continued Prince Andrew, “if I’m
killed and if I have a son, do not let him be taken away from you—as I
said yesterday... let him grow up with you.... Please.”

“Not let the wife have him?” said the old man, and laughed.

They stood silent, facing one another. The old man’s sharp eyes were
fixed straight on his son’s. Something twitched in the lower part of
the old prince’s face.

“We’ve said good-by. Go!” he suddenly shouted in a loud, angry
voice, opening his door.

“What is it? What?” asked both princesses when they saw for a moment
at the door Prince Andrew and the figure of the old man in a white
dressing gown, spectacled and wigless, shouting in an angry voice.

Prince Andrew sighed and made no reply.

“Well!” he said, turning to his wife.

And this “Well!” sounded coldly ironic, as if he were saying: “Now
go through your performance.”

“Andrew, already!” said the little princess, turning pale and
looking with dismay at her husband.

He embraced her. She screamed and fell unconscious on his shoulder.

He cautiously released the shoulder she leaned on, looked into her face,
and carefully placed her in an easy chair.

“Adieu, Mary,” said he gently to his sister, taking her by the hand
and kissing her, and then he left the room with rapid steps.

The little princess lay in the armchair, Mademoiselle Bourienne chafing
her temples. Princess Mary, supporting her sister-in-law, still looked
with her beautiful eyes full of tears at the door through which Prince
Andrew had gone and made the sign of the cross in his direction. From
the study, like pistol shots, came the frequent sound of the old man
angrily blowing his nose. Hardly had Prince Andrew gone when the study
door opened quickly and the stern figure of the old man in the white
dressing gown looked out.

“Gone? That’s all right!” said he; and looking angrily at the
unconscious little princess, he shook his head reprovingly and slammed
the door.

BOOK TWO: 1805

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Let's Analyse the Pattern

Pattern: The Duty Performance Loop
Andrew's interactions with his family reveal a devastating pattern: when we can't be vulnerable with the people closest to us, we create elaborate performances instead of real connection. He's polite to his pregnant wife but emotionally absent. He accepts his sister's religious icon not from faith but from duty. Even with his father—the one person who truly knows him—both men dance around their terror of separation with gruff jokes and practical concerns. This pattern operates through emotional self-protection. When relationships feel unsafe or unfulfilling, we retreat into roles: the dutiful son, the proper husband, the responsible brother. We go through the motions because it's easier than risking real intimacy or admitting our true feelings. Andrew can't tell his wife he doesn't love her, can't tell his father he's scared, can't tell his sister her faith means nothing to him. So he performs care while feeling nothing. This exact pattern shows up everywhere today. The nurse who's burned out but keeps saying 'I'm fine' to worried family members. The husband who brings flowers every Friday but never shares what's actually bothering him at work. The daughter who calls her aging parents dutifully but keeps conversations surface-level because deeper topics feel too risky. The manager who holds team meetings and says all the right things while privately planning to quit. When you recognize this pattern, you have a choice: keep performing or risk being real. Start small—share one genuine feeling with one safe person. Notice when you're going through motions versus actually connecting. Ask yourself: 'Am I doing this because I care, or because I'm supposed to?' Real love requires dropping the script sometimes, even when it's uncomfortable. The icon Mary gives Andrew matters not because of its religious power, but because it carries her genuine fear and love. When you can name the pattern, predict where it leads, and navigate it successfully—that's amplified intelligence. Emotional distance masquerading as duty kills relationships slowly but surely.

When fear of vulnerability makes us perform care instead of feeling it, creating distance disguised as devotion.

Why This Matters

Connect literature to life

Skill: Detecting Emotional Performance

This chapter teaches how to distinguish between genuine care and going through the motions in family relationships.

Practice This Today

This week, notice when you're saying what you're supposed to say versus what you actually feel—then try sharing one real emotion with someone safe.

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Now let's explore the literary elements.

Key Quotes & Analysis

"When starting on a journey or changing their mode of life, men capable of reflection are generally in a serious frame of mind."

— Narrator

Context: As Andrew prepares for war, pacing his room thoughtfully

Tolstoy reveals how major life transitions force us to confront our deeper thoughts and feelings. Andrew's careful packing is really about processing the enormity of what he's facing - possible death, leaving family, escaping an unhappy marriage.

In Today's Words:

Big life changes make you think about everything - your past, your future, what really matters.

"Did he fear going to the war, or was he sad at leaving his wife?—perhaps both, but evidently he did not wish to be seen in that mood."

— Narrator

Context: Observing Andrew's private moment of vulnerability before others arrive

This captures the complexity of Andrew's emotions and his need to maintain composure. He's facing multiple fears - death in battle and the emptiness of his marriage - but social expectations require him to hide these feelings.

In Today's Words:

He was scared and sad about multiple things, but didn't want anyone to see him falling apart.

"All these traveling effects of Prince Andrew's were in very good order: new, clean, and in cloth covers carefully tied with tapes."

— Narrator

Context: Describing Andrew's meticulous preparation for departure

The obsessive attention to material details reveals Andrew's attempt to control what he can when facing the uncontrollable. His careful organization of belongings represents his need for order in the face of chaos and uncertainty.

In Today's Words:

Everything was perfectly organized and spotless - the way people clean house when their life is falling apart.

Thematic Threads

Class

In This Chapter

Aristocratic duty requires emotional restraint - Andrew must be proper even when his heart is elsewhere

Development

Evolved from earlier chapters showing how class expectations shape personal behavior

In Your Life:

You might feel pressured to act 'professional' even when you're struggling personally at work.

Identity

In This Chapter

Andrew struggles between who he's supposed to be (dutiful husband/son) and who he actually is (skeptical, distant)

Development

Deepened from his earlier social interactions to now affect intimate family relationships

In Your Life:

You might find yourself playing different versions of yourself with different people instead of being authentic.

Social Expectations

In This Chapter

Family rituals (the icon, formal goodbyes) carry weight beyond their participants' actual beliefs

Development

Extended from party manners to family dynamics and religious observance

In Your Life:

You might go through holiday traditions or family customs that feel empty but seem too important to others to skip.

Human Relationships

In This Chapter

Love exists but can't be expressed directly - shown through Mary's desperate peacemaking and the father's hidden terror

Development

Introduced here as counterpoint to the shallow social connections shown earlier

In Your Life:

You might struggle to say 'I love you' or 'I'm scared' to the people who matter most.

Personal Growth

In This Chapter

Andrew's self-awareness about his loveless marriage shows growth, but he still can't act on that knowledge

Development

Building from his earlier social observations to deeper self-reflection

In Your Life:

You might recognize patterns in your life but feel stuck about how to change them.

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You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.

Discussion Questions

  1. 1

    What does Andrew's behavior toward each family member reveal about his emotional state as he prepares for war?

    analysis • surface
  2. 2

    Why do you think Andrew accepts Mary's religious icon even though he doesn't share her faith?

    analysis • medium
  3. 3

    Where do you see this pattern of 'going through the motions' in modern relationships - at work, home, or in friendships?

    application • medium
  4. 4

    When someone is emotionally distant but still fulfilling their duties, how can you tell the difference between genuine care and performance?

    application • deep
  5. 5

    What does this chapter suggest about why people sometimes find it hardest to be honest with the people who know them best?

    reflection • deep

Critical Thinking Exercise

10 minutes

Rewrite the Goodbye Scene

Choose one of Andrew's goodbye conversations (with Mary, his father, or Lise) and rewrite it as if both people decided to drop their emotional defenses and speak honestly about their fears. What would they actually say if they weren't protecting themselves or performing their roles?

Consider:

  • •What is each person really afraid of beneath their polite or dutiful words?
  • •How might the relationship change if they spoke these truths out loud?
  • •What risks would they be taking by being completely honest?

Journaling Prompt

Write about a time when you went through the motions in an important relationship instead of being real. What were you protecting yourself from? What might have happened if you had been completely honest?

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Coming Up Next...

Chapter 29: The Inspection That Backfired

The scene shifts to the broader canvas of war as we enter Book Two, where personal dramas intersect with the grand sweep of history. The intimate family dynamics we've witnessed will soon collide with the chaos of 1805's military campaigns.

Continue to Chapter 29
Previous
Dinner Table Power Dynamics
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The Inspection That Backfired

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