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War and Peace - When Love Becomes Obsession

Leo Tolstoy

War and Peace

When Love Becomes Obsession

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Summary

Sónya discovers Natásha has been secretly corresponding with Anatole and confronts her friend about abandoning Prince Andrew. What follows is a devastating argument that reveals how completely Anatole has manipulated Natásha. Natásha claims she's found true love and has no choice but to follow her heart, even writing to Princess Mary to break off her engagement. She describes feeling like Anatole's 'slave' and insists this overwhelming passion is different from anything she's felt before. Sónya, horrified by the secrecy and Anatole's refusal to openly court Natásha, tries to make her friend see reason. But every attempt to help only drives Natásha further away. The chapter shows how predators isolate their victims by making them believe that anyone who questions the relationship is an enemy. Natásha, completely under Anatole's influence, becomes hostile toward the person who cares most about her welfare. Sónya realizes Natásha is planning to elope and positions herself as the last line of defense for the family's honor. This chapter brilliantly illustrates how manipulation works - not through force, but by making the victim feel they're making free choices while actually being controlled. It also shows the painful position of watching someone you love destroy themselves while being powerless to stop them.

Coming Up in Chapter 161

Sónya stands guard in the dark passage, determined to prevent disaster. But will her vigilance be enough to stop Natásha's desperate plan, or has Anatole's web already tightened beyond escape?

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An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 1923 words)

O

n returning late in the evening Sónya went to Natásha’s room, and
to her surprise found her still dressed and asleep on the sofa. Open on
the table, beside her lay Anatole’s letter. Sónya picked it up and
read it.

As she read she glanced at the sleeping Natásha, trying to find in her
face an explanation of what she was reading, but did not find it. Her
face was calm, gentle, and happy. Clutching her breast to keep herself
from choking, Sónya, pale and trembling with fear and agitation, sat
down in an armchair and burst into tears.

“How was it I noticed nothing? How could it go so far? Can she have
left off loving Prince Andrew? And how could she let Kurágin go to
such lengths? He is a deceiver and a villain, that’s plain! What will
Nicholas, dear noble Nicholas, do when he hears of it? So this is
the meaning of her excited, resolute, unnatural look the day before
yesterday, yesterday, and today,” thought Sónya. “But it can’t be
that she loves him! She probably opened the letter without knowing who
it was from. Probably she is offended by it. She could not do such a
thing!”

Sónya wiped away her tears and went up to Natásha, again scanning her
face.

“Natásha!” she said, just audibly.

Natásha awoke and saw Sónya.

“Ah, you’re back?”

And with the decision and tenderness that often come at the moment of
awakening, she embraced her friend, but noticing Sónya’s look of
embarrassment, her own face expressed confusion and suspicion.

“Sónya, you’ve read that letter?” she demanded.

“Yes,” answered Sónya softly.

Natásha smiled rapturously.

“No, Sónya, I can’t any longer!” she said. “I can’t hide it
from you any longer. You know, we love one another! Sónya, darling, he
writes... Sónya...”

Sónya stared open-eyed at Natásha, unable to believe her ears.

“And Bolkónski?” she asked.

“Ah, Sónya, if you only knew how happy I am!” cried Natásha.
“You don’t know what love is....”

“But, Natásha, can that be all over?”

Natásha looked at Sónya with wide-open eyes as if she could not grasp
the question.

“Well, then, are you refusing Prince Andrew?” said Sónya.

“Oh, you don’t understand anything! Don’t talk nonsense, just
listen!” said Natásha, with momentary vexation.

“But I can’t believe it,” insisted Sónya. “I don’t
understand. How is it you have loved a man for a whole year and
suddenly... Why, you have only seen him three times! Natásha, I don’t
believe you, you’re joking! In three days to forget everything and
so...”

“Three days?” said Natásha. “It seems to me I’ve loved him a
hundred years. It seems to me that I have never loved anyone before. You
can’t understand it.... Sónya, wait a bit, sit here,” and Natásha
embraced and kissed her.

“I had heard that it happens like this, and you must have heard it
too, but it’s only now that I feel such love. It’s not the same as
before. As soon as I saw him I felt he was my master and I his slave,
and that I could not help loving him. Yes, his slave! Whatever he orders
I shall do. You don’t understand that. What can I do? What can I do,
Sónya?” cried Natásha with a happy yet frightened expression.

“But think what you are doing,” cried Sónya. “I can’t leave
it like this. This secret correspondence... How could you let him go so
far?” she went on, with a horror and disgust she could hardly conceal.

“I told you that I have no will,” Natásha replied. “Why can’t
you understand? I love him!”

“Then I won’t let it come to that... I shall tell!” cried Sónya,
bursting into tears.

“What do you mean? For God’s sake... If you tell, you are my
enemy!” declared Natásha. “You want me to be miserable, you want us
to be separated....”

When she saw Natásha’s fright, Sónya shed tears of shame and pity
for her friend.

“But what has happened between you?” she asked. “What has he said
to you? Why doesn’t he come to the house?”

Natásha did not answer her questions.

“For God’s sake, Sónya, don’t tell anyone, don’t torture
me,” Natásha entreated. “Remember no one ought to interfere in such
matters! I have confided in you....”

“But why this secrecy? Why doesn’t he come to the house?” asked
Sónya. “Why doesn’t he openly ask for your hand? You know Prince
Andrew gave you complete freedom—if it is really so; but I don’t
believe it! Natásha, have you considered what these secret reasons can
be?”

Natásha looked at Sónya with astonishment. Evidently this question
presented itself to her mind for the first time and she did not know how
to answer it.

“I don’t know what the reasons are. But there must be reasons!”

Sónya sighed and shook her head incredulously.

“If there were reasons...” she began.

But Natásha, guessing her doubts, interrupted her in alarm.

“Sónya, one can’t doubt him! One can’t, one can’t! Don’t you
understand?” she cried.

“Does he love you?”

“Does he love me?” Natásha repeated with a smile of pity at her
friend’s lack of comprehension. “Why, you have read his letter and
you have seen him.”

“But if he is dishonorable?”

“He! dishonorable? If you only knew!” exclaimed Natásha.

“If he is an honorable man he should either declare his intentions or
cease seeing you; and if you won’t do this, I will. I will write to
him, and I will tell Papa!” said Sónya resolutely.

“But I can’t live without him!” cried Natásha.

“Natásha, I don’t understand you. And what are you saying! Think of
your father and of Nicholas.”

“I don’t want anyone, I don’t love anyone but him. How dare you
say he is dishonorable? Don’t you know that I love him?” screamed
Natásha. “Go away, Sónya! I don’t want to quarrel with you, but
go, for God’s sake go! You see how I am suffering!” Natásha cried
angrily, in a voice of despair and repressed irritation. Sónya burst
into sobs and ran from the room.

Natásha went to the table and without a moment’s reflection wrote
that answer to Princess Mary which she had been unable to write all
the morning. In this letter she said briefly that all their
misunderstandings were at an end; that availing herself of the
magnanimity of Prince Andrew who when he went abroad had given her her
freedom, she begged Princess Mary to forget everything and forgive her
if she had been to blame toward her, but that she could not be his
wife. At that moment this all seemed quite easy, simple, and clear to
Natásha.

On Friday the Rostóvs were to return to the country, but on Wednesday
the count went with the prospective purchaser to his estate near Moscow.

On the day the count left, Sónya and Natásha were invited to a big
dinner party at the Karágins’, and Márya Dmítrievna took them
there. At that party Natásha again met Anatole, and Sónya noticed
that she spoke to him, trying not to be overheard, and that all through
dinner she was more agitated than ever. When they got home Natásha was
the first to begin the explanation Sónya expected.

“There, Sónya, you were talking all sorts of nonsense about him,”
Natásha began in a mild voice such as children use when they wish to be
praised. “We have had an explanation today.”

“Well, what happened? What did he say? Natásha, how glad I am
you’re not angry with me! Tell me everything—the whole truth. What
did he say?”

Natásha became thoughtful.

“Oh, Sónya, if you knew him as I do! He said... He asked me what I
had promised Bolkónski. He was glad I was free to refuse him.”

Sónya sighed sorrowfully.

“But you haven’t refused Bolkónski?” said she.

“Perhaps I have. Perhaps all is over between me and Bolkónski. Why do
you think so badly of me?”

“I don’t think anything, only I don’t understand this...”

“Wait a bit, Sónya, you’ll understand everything. You’ll see what
a man he is! Now don’t think badly of me or of him. I don’t think
badly of anyone: I love and pity everybody. But what am I to do?”

Sónya did not succumb to the tender tone Natásha used toward her.
The more emotional and ingratiating the expression of Natásha’s face
became, the more serious and stern grew Sónya’s.

“Natásha,” said she, “you asked me not to speak to you, and I
haven’t spoken, but now you yourself have begun. I don’t trust him,
Natásha. Why this secrecy?”

“Again, again!” interrupted Natásha.

“Natásha, I am afraid for you!”

“Afraid of what?”

“I am afraid you’re going to your ruin,” said Sónya resolutely,
and was herself horrified at what she had said.

Anger again showed in Natásha’s face.

“And I’ll go to my ruin, I will, as soon as possible! It’s not
your business! It won’t be you, but I, who’ll suffer. Leave me
alone, leave me alone! I hate you!”

“Natásha!” moaned Sónya, aghast.

“I hate you, I hate you! You’re my enemy forever!” And Natásha
ran out of the room.

Natásha did not speak to Sónya again and avoided her. With the same
expression of agitated surprise and guilt she went about the house,
taking up now one occupation, now another, and at once abandoning them.

Hard as it was for Sónya, she watched her friend and did not let her
out of her sight.

The day before the count was to return, Sónya noticed that Natásha sat
by the drawing room window all the morning as if expecting something and
that she made a sign to an officer who drove past, whom Sónya took to
be Anatole.

Sónya began watching her friend still more attentively and noticed that
at dinner and all that evening Natásha was in a strange and unnatural
state. She answered questions at random, began sentences she did not
finish, and laughed at everything.

After tea Sónya noticed a housemaid at Natásha’s door timidly
waiting to let her pass. She let the girl go in, and then listening at
the door learned that another letter had been delivered.

Then suddenly it became clear to Sónya that Natásha had some dreadful
plan for that evening. Sónya knocked at her door. Natásha did not let
her in.

“She will run away with him!” thought Sónya. “She is capable of
anything. There was something particularly pathetic and resolute in
her face today. She cried as she said good-by to Uncle,” Sónya
remembered. “Yes, that’s it, she means to elope with him, but
what am I to do?” thought she, recalling all the signs that clearly
indicated that Natásha had some terrible intention. “The count is
away. What am I to do? Write to Kurágin demanding an explanation? But
what is there to oblige him to reply? Write to Pierre, as Prince Andrew
asked me to in case of some misfortune?... But perhaps she really
has already refused Bolkónski—she sent a letter to Princess Mary
yesterday. And Uncle is away....” To tell Márya Dmítrievna who had
such faith in Natásha seemed to Sónya terrible. “Well, anyway,”
thought Sónya as she stood in the dark passage, “now or never I must
prove that I remember the family’s goodness to me and that I love
Nicholas. Yes! If I don’t sleep for three nights I’ll not leave this
passage and will hold her back by force and will and not let the family
be disgraced,” thought she.

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Let's Analyse the Pattern

Pattern: Isolation by Design
This chapter reveals a devastating pattern: predators don't control victims through force—they control them by making isolation feel like love. Natásha believes she's making free choices about her heart, but every 'choice' Anatole has guided her toward cuts another tie to her support system. The mechanism is brilliant in its simplicity. First, create overwhelming emotion that drowns out rational thought. Then, frame anyone who questions the relationship as an enemy of 'true love.' Finally, demand secrecy as proof of devotion. Each step makes the victim feel more special and chosen while actually becoming more trapped. Natásha describes herself as Anatole's 'slave' but calls it freedom. She's hostile toward Sónya—her closest friend—because Anatole's manipulation has rewired her to see concern as betrayal. This exact pattern plays out everywhere today. The boss who says 'this stays between us' while asking you to cut corners, making you complicit and isolated from coworkers. The romantic partner who gradually convinces you that your family 'doesn't understand' your relationship. The MLM recruiter who frames your friends' skepticism as jealousy of your success. The financial advisor who insists only he truly cares about your future while discouraging you from seeking second opinions. In healthcare, it's the provider who makes you feel like asking questions means you don't trust their expertise. When someone demands secrecy while claiming to have your best interests at heart, that's your warning signal. Real love and legitimate opportunities can withstand outside scrutiny. Create a personal rule: any major decision gets input from at least two people who care about you but have nothing to gain from your choice. If someone tries to isolate your decision-making, they're not protecting you—they're protecting their control over you. When you can name this pattern, you'll spot it before it traps you. When you can predict where isolation leads, you'll protect your connections to people who truly care. That's amplified intelligence.

Predators control victims not through force but by making isolation from support systems feel like proof of special love or trust.

Why This Matters

Connect literature to life

Skill: Detecting Isolation Tactics

This chapter teaches how manipulators use the language of love and loyalty to cut victims off from their support systems.

Practice This Today

This week, notice when someone frames outside concern as jealousy or asks you to keep major decisions secret from people who care about you.

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Now let's explore the literary elements.

Key Quotes & Analysis

"How was it I noticed nothing? How could it go so far?"

— Sónya

Context: When she discovers the extent of Natásha's secret relationship

This captures the shock of realizing someone you're close to has been living a double life. Sónya blames herself for missing the signs, which is typical when we discover deception.

In Today's Words:

How did I miss all the red flags? How did this get so out of hand?

"He is a deceiver and a villain, that's plain!"

— Sónya

Context: Her immediate assessment of Anatole's character

Sónya sees clearly what Natásha cannot - that Anatole is a predator. This shows how outsiders often spot manipulation that victims can't see.

In Today's Words:

This guy is obviously a player and a user!

"She could not do such a thing!"

— Sónya

Context: Trying to convince herself Natásha isn't really planning to elope

This is denial - when we can't accept that someone we love is making destructive choices. Sónya knows Natásha well enough to see this is completely out of character.

In Today's Words:

There's no way she would actually do something this stupid!

Thematic Threads

Manipulation

In This Chapter

Anatole controls Natásha by making her feel chosen while systematically cutting her ties to family and friends

Development

Escalated from earlier subtle influence to complete psychological control

In Your Life:

You might see this when someone makes you feel special for keeping secrets that isolate you from your support system

Identity

In This Chapter

Natásha's sense of self has been completely rewritten by Anatole's influence, calling herself his 'slave' while believing she's free

Development

Continued erosion from confident young woman to someone who no longer recognizes her own values

In Your Life:

You might notice this when you find yourself defending choices that contradict your previous values or goals

Loyalty

In This Chapter

Natásha turns against Sónya, her most loyal friend, because manipulation rewires victims to see concern as betrayal

Development

Perverted from healthy family bonds into misplaced devotion to a predator

In Your Life:

You might experience this when someone makes you choose between them and the people who've always supported you

Social Expectations

In This Chapter

The conflict between proper courtship (open, family-approved) versus secret manipulation disguised as romantic passion

Development

Continued tension between social structures designed to protect versus individual desire

In Your Life:

You might face this when someone pressures you to bypass normal safeguards in relationships or business deals

Power

In This Chapter

Anatole's power comes not from position but from psychological control that makes Natásha complicit in her own manipulation

Development

Shifted from social/economic power to psychological domination

In Your Life:

You might encounter this when someone gains influence over you by making you feel like you're making all the choices

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You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.

Discussion Questions

  1. 1

    How does Natásha describe her feelings for Anatole, and what language does she use that reveals how completely he's influenced her thinking?

    analysis • surface
  2. 2

    Why does Natásha become hostile toward Sónya, the person who cares most about her welfare? What does this reveal about how manipulation works?

    analysis • medium
  3. 3

    Where do you see this pattern of 'isolation disguised as special love' in modern relationships, workplaces, or sales situations?

    application • medium
  4. 4

    If you were Sónya, knowing that direct confrontation is pushing Natásha away, what approach would you take to help your friend see the manipulation?

    application • deep
  5. 5

    What does this chapter teach us about the difference between healthy privacy and dangerous secrecy in relationships?

    reflection • deep

Critical Thinking Exercise

10 minutes

Create Your Manipulation Warning System

Think about a major decision you're facing or might face soon. Create a personal 'red flag checklist' based on Anatole's manipulation tactics. List specific warning signs that would tell you someone is trying to isolate your decision-making rather than genuinely help you. Then identify two people in your life who could give you honest input on this decision.

Consider:

  • •Notice if someone discourages you from seeking other opinions or advice
  • •Pay attention to requests for secrecy that benefit the other person more than you
  • •Watch for language that makes you feel 'special' for keeping secrets or making quick decisions

Journaling Prompt

Write about a time when someone tried to rush you into a decision or discouraged you from talking to others about it. What happened, and what would you do differently now?

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Coming Up Next...

Chapter 161: The Point of No Return

Sónya stands guard in the dark passage, determined to prevent disaster. But will her vigilance be enough to stop Natásha's desperate plan, or has Anatole's web already tightened beyond escape?

Continue to Chapter 161
Previous
The Heart Divided
Contents
Next
The Point of No Return

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