Summary
Count Rostov reluctantly takes Natasha to meet Prince Bolkonski and Princess Mary, hoping to smooth the path for her engagement to Andrew. The visit becomes a disaster of miscommunication and wounded feelings. Natasha arrives confident and eager to please, but immediately senses the household's tension. The old prince, claiming illness, refuses to see them properly, appearing only briefly in his nightgown to deliver a sarcastic, humiliating pseudo-apology. Princess Mary, already jealous of Natasha's youth and beauty, judges her as frivolous and vain before they even speak. With Mademoiselle Bourienne hovering and preventing private conversation, neither young woman can address the elephant in the room—Andrew's proposal. The awkward encounter ends with Princess Mary's stilted attempt at warmth, which Natasha coldly rejects, sensing its insincerity. Back home, Natasha breaks down crying, devastated by the rejection and humiliation. This chapter reveals how family baggage and personal insecurities can poison potentially important relationships. The old prince's rudeness stems from his opposition to the match, while Princess Mary's coldness masks her fear of losing her brother. Natasha's confidence crumbles when faced with disapproval, showing how even the most self-assured people can be wounded by rejection. The failed meeting sets up future complications for Andrew and Natasha's relationship, proving that love doesn't exist in a vacuum—family approval matters more than young hearts want to admit.
Coming Up in Chapter 153
The aftermath of the disastrous visit continues to ripple through both families, as the failed meeting creates new obstacles for the young couple's future together.
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An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
Next day, by Márya Dmítrievna’s advice, Count Rostóv took Natásha to call on Prince Nicholas Bolkónski. The count did not set out cheerfully on this visit, at heart he felt afraid. He well remembered the last interview he had had with the old prince at the time of the enrollment, when in reply to an invitation to dinner he had had to listen to an angry reprimand for not having provided his full quota of men. Natásha, on the other hand, having put on her best gown, was in the highest spirits. “They can’t help liking me,” she thought. “Everybody always has liked me, and I am so willing to do anything they wish, so ready to be fond of him—for being his father—and of her—for being his sister—that there is no reason for them not to like me....” They drove up to the gloomy old house on the Vozdvízhenka and entered the vestibule. “Well, the Lord have mercy on us!” said the count, half in jest, half in earnest; but Natásha noticed that her father was flurried on entering the anteroom and inquired timidly and softly whether the prince and princess were at home. When they had been announced a perturbation was noticeable among the servants. The footman who had gone to announce them was stopped by another in the large hall and they whispered to one another. Then a maidservant ran into the hall and hurriedly said something, mentioning the princess. At last an old, cross looking footman came and announced to the Rostóvs that the prince was not receiving, but that the princess begged them to walk up. The first person who came to meet the visitors was Mademoiselle Bourienne. She greeted the father and daughter with special politeness and showed them to the princess’ room. The princess, looking excited and nervous, her face flushed in patches, ran in to meet the visitors, treading heavily, and vainly trying to appear cordial and at ease. From the first glance Princess Mary did not like Natásha. She thought her too fashionably dressed, frivolously gay and vain. She did not at all realize that before having seen her future sister-in-law she was prejudiced against her by involuntary envy of her beauty, youth, and happiness, as well as by jealousy of her brother’s love for her. Apart from this insuperable antipathy to her, Princess Mary was agitated just then because on the Rostóvs’ being announced, the old prince had shouted that he did not wish to see them, that Princess Mary might do so if she chose, but they were not to be admitted to him. She had decided to receive them, but feared lest the prince might at any moment indulge in some freak, as he seemed much upset by the Rostóvs’ visit. “There, my dear princess, I’ve brought you my songstress,” said the count, bowing and looking round uneasily as if afraid the old prince might appear. “I am so glad you should get to know one another... very...
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Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of First Impressions - When Family Baggage Hijacks New Relationships
Families unconsciously sabotage new relationships to protect existing dynamics and avoid change.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to recognize when family coldness is actually protective behavior disguised as personal rejection.
Practice This Today
Next time you encounter family resistance, ask yourself what they're protecting rather than what they're rejecting—you'll find the real issue faster.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Social calling
A formal visit to someone's home to maintain or establish social relationships. In aristocratic society, these visits followed strict rules about timing, dress, and behavior. They were crucial for arranging marriages and business deals.
Modern Usage:
Like meeting your partner's parents for the first time, or networking events where you have to make a good impression on people who can help or hurt your future.
Anteroom
A waiting room before the main reception area where visitors would be announced and screened. The servants' behavior here sent signals about how welcome you were. Getting stuck in the anteroom was a subtle insult.
Modern Usage:
Like being left waiting in a doctor's office or having your call put on hold - the delay itself sends a message about your importance.
Family approval
In aristocratic marriages, parents and relatives had veto power over romantic matches. Love wasn't enough - you needed the family's blessing for social, financial, and inheritance reasons. Disapproval could kill even strong relationships.
Modern Usage:
Still happens today when families refuse to accept a partner due to race, religion, class, or just not liking them - can make or break relationships.
Social confidence
The belief that you'll be liked and accepted in any social situation. Natasha assumes everyone will love her because that's been her experience. This confidence can be shattered by unexpected rejection.
Modern Usage:
Like someone who's always been popular suddenly facing a group that doesn't accept them - job interviews, new schools, or meeting judgmental in-laws.
Deliberate rudeness
Using bad manners as a weapon to show disapproval or assert power. The old prince's behavior - appearing in nightclothes, giving fake apologies - was calculated to humiliate his guests.
Modern Usage:
Like a boss who keeps you waiting on purpose, or someone who gives you the silent treatment to show they're angry.
Protective jealousy
When someone fears losing a close relationship to an outsider. Princess Mary sees Natasha as a threat who will take her brother away, making her hostile before they even meet.
Modern Usage:
Like when your best friend gets a serious boyfriend, or your adult child gets married - fear that the new person will replace you.
Characters in This Chapter
Natasha
Young woman seeking acceptance
Arrives confident and eager to please but gets crushed by unexpected hostility. Her breakdown shows how rejection can devastate even the most self-assured people, especially when it threatens something important to them.
Modern Equivalent:
The girlfriend meeting hostile future in-laws
Count Rostov
Anxious father
Dreads the visit because of past conflicts with the old prince. His nervousness proves justified when the meeting goes badly. He's caught between protecting his daughter and maintaining important social connections.
Modern Equivalent:
The parent who has to deal with difficult people for their kid's sake
Prince Nicholas Bolkonski
Hostile patriarch
Uses deliberate rudeness to show his disapproval of the match. His cruel behavior in nightclothes and fake apology is designed to humiliate and discourage. He's asserting his power over his son's life.
Modern Equivalent:
The controlling parent who sabotages their adult child's relationships
Princess Mary
Jealous sister
Judges Natasha harshly before they even speak, seeing her as a threat to her relationship with her brother. Her attempt at politeness fails because her hostility shows through, making everything worse.
Modern Equivalent:
The sister-in-law who never thinks anyone is good enough for her brother
Key Quotes & Analysis
"They can't help liking me. Everybody always has liked me, and I am so willing to do anything they wish."
Context: Her thoughts before entering the house, full of confidence about winning them over
Shows Natasha's naive optimism and how her past success has made her unprepared for rejection. This confidence makes her fall even harder when things go wrong.
In Today's Words:
I'm sure they'll love me - everyone always does, and I'll do whatever it takes to make them happy.
"Well, the Lord have mercy on us!"
Context: Said half-jokingly as they approach the house, but reveals his real anxiety
His nervous humor shows he knows this could go badly. The religious reference suggests he feels they're walking into danger and need divine protection.
In Today's Words:
God help us - this is going to be rough.
"When they had been announced a perturbation was noticeable among the servants."
Context: Describing the household's reaction to their arrival
The servants' nervous whispering signals that something is wrong. In aristocratic homes, servants' behavior reflected their masters' attitudes, so this chaos warns of trouble ahead.
In Today's Words:
You could tell from how flustered the staff got that this visit wasn't going to go well.
Thematic Threads
Class
In This Chapter
The Bolkonskis use aristocratic superiority and formal coldness to reject Natasha's merchant-class background
Development
Continues the book's exploration of how class differences create barriers to genuine human connection
In Your Life:
You might see this when people use education, income, or social status to dismiss others without really knowing them
Pride
In This Chapter
Both families' pride prevents them from being vulnerable or admitting their fears about the potential marriage
Development
Builds on earlier examples of how pride creates distance between characters who could connect
In Your Life:
Your own pride might keep you from admitting when you're wrong or asking for help when you need it
Fear
In This Chapter
Princess Mary's fear of losing her brother and the old prince's fear of change drive their hostile behavior
Development
Deepens the theme of how unacknowledged fears shape our worst behaviors
In Your Life:
You might recognize how your fear of abandonment or change makes you push away the very people you want to keep close
Communication
In This Chapter
The failure to have honest conversation about Andrew's proposal allows misunderstandings to fester
Development
Continues showing how avoiding difficult conversations makes problems worse
In Your Life:
You might avoid important conversations with family members, letting resentment build instead of addressing issues directly
Identity
In This Chapter
Natasha's confident sense of self crumbles when faced with systematic rejection and disapproval
Development
Explores how our identity depends partly on external validation, even when we think we're secure
In Your Life:
You might find your self-confidence shaken when facing disapproval from people whose opinions matter to you
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
What specific behaviors did each family member use to make Natasha feel unwelcome, and how did she respond?
analysis • surface - 2
Why did Princess Mary judge Natasha so harshly before they even had a real conversation?
analysis • medium - 3
Where have you seen families close ranks against an outsider, and what fears were they really protecting?
application • medium - 4
If you were Natasha, how would you handle this rejection without letting it poison your relationship with Andrew?
application • deep - 5
What does this disaster reveal about how family loyalty can become family toxicity?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Map the Fear Behind the Attack
Think of a time when someone's family treated you coldly or unfairly. Instead of focusing on what they did wrong, dig deeper: what were they afraid of losing? Write down each person's behavior, then identify the fear driving it. The old prince fears losing control, Princess Mary fears losing her brother's attention - what fears were your difficult family members protecting?
Consider:
- •People rarely attack unless they feel threatened by something
- •Family resistance often protects old wounds or insecurities, not actual problems with you
- •Understanding their fears doesn't excuse bad behavior, but it helps you not take it personally
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you felt like an outsider in someone else's family. Looking back, what might they have been protecting that had nothing to do with who you actually are?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 153: The Theater of Social Performance
What lies ahead teaches us public spaces become stages where we perform versions of ourselves, and shows us heartbreak can make us feel both invisible and hypervisible at the same time. These patterns appear in literature and life alike.