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War and Peace - The Wise Woman's Guidance

Leo Tolstoy

War and Peace

The Wise Woman's Guidance

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Summary

Count Rostov brings Natasha and Sonya to Moscow to prepare for Natasha's wedding to Prince Andrew. They stay with Marya Dmitrievna, a formidable older woman who runs her household with military precision and speaks her mind without filter. Despite her gruff exterior, she genuinely cares for Natasha and takes charge of wedding preparations with characteristic efficiency. The chapter reveals Marya Dmitrievna as the kind of mentor every young person needs—someone who combines practical wisdom with fierce protection. She understands that Natasha's upcoming marriage isn't just about love; it's about navigating complex family politics. Prince Andrew's father, old Prince Bolkonski, disapproves of the match, and Marya Dmitrievna knows this could derail everything. Her advice to Natasha is strategic: win over the family first, especially Andrew's sister Mary. This isn't manipulation—it's social intelligence. Marya Dmitrievna recognizes that sustainable relationships require building bridges, not just following your heart. Natasha's response reveals her youth and romantic idealism. She bristles at anyone interfering in her love story, believing that pure love should be enough. This tension between youthful passion and experienced pragmatism drives the chapter's emotional core. Tolstoy shows us how different generations approach relationships—the young with idealistic fervor, the experienced with strategic caution. Both perspectives have merit, but Marya Dmitrievna's approach acknowledges a crucial truth: love doesn't exist in a vacuum. Family approval, social dynamics, and practical considerations all matter in creating lasting happiness.

Coming Up in Chapter 152

Natasha must now face her first real test as she meets Prince Andrew's formidable father and sister. Will her natural charm be enough to win over a family that doesn't want her, or will Marya Dmitrievna's warnings prove prophetic?

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An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 1235 words)

A

t the end of January old Count Rostóv went to Moscow with Natásha and
Sónya. The countess was still unwell and unable to travel but it was
impossible to wait for her recovery. Prince Andrew was expected in
Moscow any day, the trousseau had to be ordered and the estate near
Moscow had to be sold, besides which the opportunity of presenting his
future daughter-in-law to old Prince Bolkónski while he was in Moscow
could not be missed. The Rostóvs’ Moscow house had not been heated
that winter and, as they had come only for a short time and the countess
was not with them, the count decided to stay with Márya Dmítrievna
Akhrosímova, who had long been pressing her hospitality on them.

Late one evening the Rostóvs’ four sleighs drove into Márya
Dmítrievna’s courtyard in the old Konyúsheny street. Márya
Dmítrievna lived alone. She had already married off her daughter, and
her sons were all in the service.

She held herself as erect, told everyone her opinion as candidly,
loudly, and bluntly as ever, and her whole bearing seemed a reproach
to others for any weakness, passion, or temptation—the possibility of
which she did not admit. From early in the morning, wearing a dressing
jacket, she attended to her household affairs, and then she drove out:
on holy days to church and after the service to jails and prisons on
affairs of which she never spoke to anyone. On ordinary days, after
dressing, she received petitioners of various classes, of whom there
were always some. Then she had dinner, a substantial and appetizing meal
at which there were always three or four guests; after dinner she played
a game of boston, and at night she had the newspapers or a new book read
to her while she knitted. She rarely made an exception and went out to
pay visits, and then only to the most important persons in the town.

She had not yet gone to bed when the Rostóvs arrived and the pulley of
the hall door squeaked from the cold as it let in the Rostóvs and their
servants. Márya Dmítrievna, with her spectacles hanging down on her
nose and her head flung back, stood in the hall doorway looking with
a stern, grim face at the new arrivals. One might have thought she was
angry with the travelers and would immediately turn them out, had she
not at the same time been giving careful instructions to the servants
for the accommodation of the visitors and their belongings.

“The count’s things? Bring them here,” she said, pointing to the
portmanteaus and not greeting anyone. “The young ladies’? There
to the left. Now what are you dawdling for?” she cried to the maids.
“Get the samovar ready!... You’ve grown plumper and prettier,” she
remarked, drawing Natásha (whose cheeks were glowing from the cold)
to her by the hood. “Foo! You are cold! Now take off your things,
quick!” she shouted to the count who was going to kiss her hand.
“You’re half frozen, I’m sure! Bring some rum for tea!... Bonjour,
Sónya dear!” she added, turning to Sónya and indicating by this
French greeting her slightly contemptuous though affectionate attitude
toward her.

When they came in to tea, having taken off their outdoor things and
tidied themselves up after their journey, Márya Dmítrievna kissed them
all in due order.

“I’m heartily glad you have come and are staying with me. It was
high time,” she said, giving Natásha a significant look. “The old
man is here and his son’s expected any day. You’ll have to make his
acquaintance. But we’ll speak of that later on,” she added, glancing
at Sónya with a look that showed she did not want to speak of it in her
presence. “Now listen,” she said to the count. “What do you want
tomorrow? Whom will you send for? Shinshín?” she crooked one of her
fingers. “The sniveling Anna Mikháylovna? That’s two. She’s here
with her son. The son is getting married! Then Bezúkhov, eh? He is here
too, with his wife. He ran away from her and she came galloping after
him. He dined with me on Wednesday. As for them”—and she pointed to
the girls—“tomorrow I’ll take them first to the Iberian shrine
of the Mother of God, and then we’ll drive to the Super-Rogue’s.
I suppose you’ll have everything new. Don’t judge by me: sleeves
nowadays are this size! The other day young Princess Irína Vasílevna
came to see me; she was an awful sight—looked as if she had put two
barrels on her arms. You know not a day passes now without some new
fashion.... And what have you to do yourself?” she asked the count
sternly.

“One thing has come on top of another: her rags to buy, and now a
purchaser has turned up for the Moscow estate and for the house. If you
will be so kind, I’ll fix a time and go down to the estate just for a
day, and leave my lassies with you.”

“All right. All right. They’ll be safe with me, as safe as in
Chancery! I’ll take them where they must go, scold them a bit, and
pet them a bit,” said Márya Dmítrievna, touching her goddaughter and
favorite, Natásha, on the cheek with her large hand.

Next morning Márya Dmítrievna took the young ladies to the Iberian
shrine of the Mother of God and to Madame Suppert-Roguet, who was so
afraid of Márya Dmítrievna that she always let her have costumes at
a loss merely to get rid of her. Márya Dmítrievna ordered almost the
whole trousseau. When they got home she turned everybody out of the room
except Natásha, and then called her pet to her armchair.

“Well, now we’ll talk. I congratulate you on your betrothed.
You’ve hooked a fine fellow! I am glad for your sake and I’ve known
him since he was so high.” She held her hand a couple of feet from the
ground. Natásha blushed happily. “I like him and all his family.
Now listen! You know that old Prince Nicholas much dislikes his son’s
marrying. The old fellow’s crotchety! Of course Prince Andrew is not
a child and can shift without him, but it’s not nice to enter a family
against a father’s will. One wants to do it peacefully and lovingly.
You’re a clever girl and you’ll know how to manage. Be kind, and use
your wits. Then all will be well.”

Natásha remained silent, from shyness Márya Dmítrievna supposed, but
really because she disliked anyone interfering in what touched her love
of Prince Andrew, which seemed to her so apart from all human affairs
that no one could understand it. She loved and knew Prince Andrew, he
loved her only, and was to come one of these days and take her. She
wanted nothing more.

“You see I have known him a long time and am also fond of Mary, your
future sister-in-law. ‘Husbands’ sisters bring up blisters,’
but this one wouldn’t hurt a fly. She has asked me to bring you two
together. Tomorrow you’ll go with your father to see her. Be very
nice and affectionate to her: you’re younger than she. When he comes,
he’ll find you already know his sister and father and are liked by
them. Am I right or not? Won’t that be best?”

“Yes, it will,” Natásha answered reluctantly.

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Let's Analyse the Pattern

Pattern: The Alliance Imperative
This chapter reveals a crucial pattern: sustainable love requires building strategic alliances, not just following your heart. Pure passion, no matter how genuine, rarely survives without social support systems. Marya Dmitrievna understands what Natasha doesn't yet grasp—that love exists within webs of family, culture, and expectation. The mechanism operates through social pressure and approval dynamics. When families disapprove, they create constant friction that erodes even strong relationships. Old Prince Bolkonski's resistance isn't just about Natasha personally—it's about control, tradition, and protecting his son's future. Marya Dmitrievna recognizes that winning over key family members transforms opposition into support, creating sustainable conditions for love to flourish. This pattern appears everywhere in modern life. Think about workplace relationships where office politics matter as much as chemistry. The couple who gets along great but whose families hate each other, creating constant tension at holidays and major life events. The single parent dating someone whose kids refuse to accept them. The healthcare worker trying to implement changes who needs buy-in from resistant colleagues—pure passion for improvement isn't enough without building alliances. When you recognize this pattern, invest in relationship infrastructure. Meet the family. Understand their concerns. Find common ground with key influencers. Don't dismiss their worries as irrelevant—address them directly. Build bridges before you need them. Sometimes this means slowing down when your heart wants to rush forward, but strategic patience creates lasting success. When you can name the pattern—that love needs allies—predict where resistance will emerge, and navigate it by building genuine connections with key stakeholders, that's amplified intelligence working for your relationships.

Sustainable relationships require building strategic support systems beyond just the primary connection.

Why This Matters

Connect literature to life

Skill: Reading Family Power Dynamics

This chapter teaches how to identify key influencers within family systems and understand that winning over strategic allies often matters more than charming everyone equally.

Practice This Today

This week, notice who holds real influence in family or workplace decisions—it's rarely the loudest person, often someone whose opinion everyone quietly seeks before making moves.

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Now let's explore the literary elements.

Key Quotes & Analysis

"She held herself as erect, told everyone her opinion as candidly, loudly, and bluntly as ever, and her whole bearing seemed a reproach to others for any weakness, passion, or temptation."

— Narrator

Context: Describing Márya Dmítrievna's intimidating presence and moral authority

This shows how some people use their very presence as a form of leadership and judgment. Márya Dmítrievna doesn't need to lecture people - her upright bearing and direct manner make others feel judged for their own compromises and weaknesses.

In Today's Words:

She carried herself like she had her life completely together, which made everyone else feel like a mess just by comparison.

"The opportunity of presenting his future daughter-in-law to old Prince Bolkónski while he was in Moscow could not be missed."

— Narrator

Context: Explaining why the Rostóvs must travel to Moscow despite the countess being ill

This reveals how family approval was crucial for aristocratic marriages. The timing creates urgency - missing this chance could derail the entire engagement. It shows marriage as negotiation between families, not just individuals.

In Today's Words:

They had to introduce Natasha to Andrew's dad while they had the chance - this meeting could make or break everything.

"From early in the morning, wearing a dressing jacket, she attended to her household affairs, and then she drove out: on holy days to church and after the service to jails and prisons on affairs of which she never spoke to anyone."

— Narrator

Context: Describing Márya Dmítrievna's daily routine and mysterious charitable work

This shows her as someone who combines practical household management with secret good works. Her refusal to discuss her charity work reveals genuine virtue rather than performance - she helps people without seeking credit or recognition.

In Today's Words:

She ran her house like clockwork and did volunteer work she never bragged about - the kind of person who actually walks the walk.

Thematic Threads

Social Intelligence

In This Chapter

Marya Dmitrievna coaches Natasha on family politics rather than just celebrating romance

Development

Building from earlier themes about navigating complex social hierarchies

In Your Life:

You see this when you realize getting along with your partner's family affects your relationship's long-term success

Generational Wisdom

In This Chapter

Older woman's strategic approach clashes with young woman's romantic idealism

Development

Continues exploration of how experience shapes perspective on relationships

In Your Life:

You experience this tension when older relatives give relationship advice that feels calculated rather than romantic

Class Dynamics

In This Chapter

Marriage negotiations involve family status and social positioning beyond personal feelings

Development

Deepens earlier themes about how social class affects personal choices

In Your Life:

You encounter this when dating someone from a different economic background and feeling judged by their family

Protective Authority

In This Chapter

Marya Dmitrievna takes charge of Natasha's welfare with fierce but caring control

Development

Introduces new dynamic of surrogate parental protection in social navigation

In Your Life:

You recognize this in mentors who give tough advice because they genuinely want to protect your future

Idealism vs Reality

In This Chapter

Natasha's belief that pure love conquers all conflicts with practical relationship challenges

Development

Continues theme of characters learning that good intentions need strategic implementation

In Your Life:

You face this when your romantic ideals clash with the practical work required to make relationships succeed

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You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.

Discussion Questions

  1. 1

    Why does Marya Dmitrievna insist that Natasha needs to win over Prince Andrew's family before the wedding?

    analysis • surface
  2. 2

    What does Natasha's resistance to family politics reveal about how young people approach relationships differently than older, experienced people?

    analysis • medium
  3. 3

    Where do you see this pattern today—situations where love or passion alone isn't enough without building the right alliances?

    application • medium
  4. 4

    If you were advising Natasha, how would you help her balance staying true to her feelings while also being strategic about family dynamics?

    application • deep
  5. 5

    What does this chapter teach us about the difference between romantic idealism and sustainable relationship building?

    reflection • deep

Critical Thinking Exercise

10 minutes

Map Your Relationship Ecosystem

Think of an important relationship in your life—romantic, professional, or friendship. Draw a simple map showing all the key people who influence that relationship: family members, friends, colleagues, anyone whose opinion matters. Mark each person as supportive, neutral, or resistant. Now identify the two most influential people who aren't fully supportive yet.

Consider:

  • •Focus on people whose opinions actually impact your relationship, not just anyone with an opinion
  • •Consider why resistant people feel that way—is it about you, the situation, or their own fears?
  • •Think about what small steps might shift neutral people toward supportive

Journaling Prompt

Write about a time when family or friend disapproval affected one of your relationships. What would you do differently now, knowing what Marya Dmitrievna knows about building alliances?

Coming Up Next...

Chapter 152: When First Impressions Go Wrong

Natasha must now face her first real test as she meets Prince Andrew's formidable father and sister. Will her natural charm be enough to win over a family that doesn't want her, or will Marya Dmitrievna's warnings prove prophetic?

Continue to Chapter 152
Previous
The Art of Strategic Romance
Contents
Next
When First Impressions Go Wrong

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