Summary
Zarathustra poses a provocative question: are you entitled to want a child? But he's not talking about legal rights or social norms—he's asking whether you've done the inner work necessary to create something greater than yourself. He argues that before you can build a family, you must first build yourself into someone whole and self-directed. True marriage, in his view, isn't about finding someone to complete you or escape loneliness with. It's about two people who have mastered themselves coming together to create something that transcends them both. Zarathustra contrasts this vision with what he sees around him: people settling for mediocrity, marrying out of need rather than strength, or choosing partners who drag them down rather than lift them up. He's particularly harsh about marriages where people lose themselves—the hero who settles for lies, the choosy person who throws away their standards, the strong person who becomes subservient. These aren't partnerships; they're mutual diminishment. Real love, he suggests, should be a torch that lights the way to becoming more than you are alone. It should create thirst for growth, not satisfaction with staying small. The chapter challenges readers to examine their own relationships: Are you partnering from strength or weakness? Are you and your partner pushing each other toward growth, or enabling each other's limitations? Zarathustra's vision is demanding but hopeful—he believes in love that creates rather than consumes.
Coming Up in Chapter 21
Having explored what it means to create new life responsibly, Zarathustra turns to an even more fundamental question: when is the right time to let life go? His thoughts on death and timing will challenge everything you think you know about living fully.
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An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
Have a question for thee alone, my brother: like a sounding-lead, cast I this question into thy soul, that I may know its depth. Thou art young, and desirest child and marriage. But I ask thee: Art thou a man ENTITLED to desire a child? Art thou the victorious one, the self-conqueror, the ruler of thy passions, the master of thy virtues? Thus do I ask thee. Or doth the animal speak in thy wish, and necessity? Or isolation? Or discord in thee? I would have thy victory and freedom long for a child. Living monuments shalt thou build to thy victory and emancipation. Beyond thyself shalt thou build. But first of all must thou be built thyself, rectangular in body and soul. Not only onward shalt thou propagate thyself, but upward! For that purpose may the garden of marriage help thee! A higher body shalt thou create, a first movement, a spontaneously rolling wheel—a creating one shalt thou create. Marriage: so call I the will of the twain to create the one that is more than those who created it. The reverence for one another, as those exercising such a will, call I marriage. Let this be the significance and the truth of thy marriage. But that which the many-too-many call marriage, those superfluous ones—ah, what shall I call it? Ah, the poverty of soul in the twain! Ah, the filth of soul in the twain! Ah, the pitiable self-complacency in the twain! Marriage they call it all; and they say their marriages are made in heaven. Well, I do not like it, that heaven of the superfluous! No, I do not like them, those animals tangled in the heavenly toils! Far from me also be the God who limpeth thither to bless what he hath not matched! Laugh not at such marriages! What child hath not had reason to weep over its parents? Worthy did this man seem, and ripe for the meaning of the earth: but when I saw his wife, the earth seemed to me a home for madcaps. Yea, I would that the earth shook with convulsions when a saint and a goose mate with one another. This one went forth in quest of truth as a hero, and at last got for himself a small decked-up lie: his marriage he calleth it. That one was reserved in intercourse and chose choicely. But one time he spoilt his company for all time: his marriage he calleth it. Another sought a handmaid with the virtues of an angel. But all at once he became the handmaid of a woman, and now would he need also to become an angel. Careful, have I found all buyers, and all of them have astute eyes. But even the astutest of them buyeth his wife in a sack. Many short follies—that is called love by you. And your marriage putteth an end to many short follies, with one long stupidity. Your love to woman, and woman’s love to man—ah, would...
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Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Earned Partnership
Seeking relationships to fill internal gaps rather than building from personal wholeness creates mutual diminishment instead of mutual growth.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to recognize when partnerships are built on mutual strength versus mutual need-filling.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when you or your partner defer, diminish yourselves, or avoid growth to keep peace—these are signs of codependence masquerading as love.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Self-mastery
The ability to control your impulses, emotions, and desires rather than being controlled by them. Nietzsche believed you must become the master of yourself before you can create anything meaningful with another person.
Modern Usage:
We see this in people who've done therapy, broken bad patterns, or learned to manage their triggers before entering serious relationships.
Living monuments
Children or creations that represent the best of what two people can build together. Not just biological offspring, but anything that carries forward their growth and values into the future.
Modern Usage:
This could be actual kids raised with intention, a business built together, or any shared project that makes the world better.
The many-too-many
Nietzsche's term for the masses who settle for mediocrity and follow social expectations without thinking. People who marry because 'it's what you do' rather than from genuine purpose.
Modern Usage:
Think of people who get married just because they hit 30, or stay in dead-end relationships because being alone feels scary.
Superfluous ones
People who add nothing meaningful to the world, who live without purpose or growth. They consume resources and space but don't contribute anything valuable.
Modern Usage:
Those who coast through life without ever challenging themselves, always taking but never giving back to their community or relationships.
Rectangular in body and soul
Being solid, stable, and well-built as a person - physically healthy and emotionally/mentally strong. Having clear boundaries and a solid foundation before trying to build with someone else.
Modern Usage:
Someone who's got their life together, knows their values, takes care of their health, and doesn't need a relationship to feel complete.
Creating one
A person capable of bringing something new and valuable into existence. Someone who doesn't just copy what others do but has the power to innovate and build.
Modern Usage:
Entrepreneurs, artists, parents who raise independent thinkers, or anyone who leaves their corner of the world better than they found it.
Characters in This Chapter
Zarathustra
Philosophical teacher and questioner
He challenges conventional thinking about marriage and parenthood, demanding that people examine their motives. He's not trying to stop people from having families, but pushing them to do it for the right reasons.
Modern Equivalent:
The tough-love therapist who asks the hard questions
The brother
The person being questioned
Represents anyone considering marriage or children. Zarathustra uses this person to explore whether they're ready for such responsibility or just following biological urges and social pressure.
Modern Equivalent:
The friend asking for relationship advice
The hero
Example of someone who compromised themselves
A strong person who weakened themselves by accepting lies in their relationship. Shows how even capable people can diminish themselves through poor partnership choices.
Modern Equivalent:
The successful person who stays with someone who constantly puts them down
The choosing one
Example of someone who gave up their standards
Someone who used to be selective and discerning but threw away their judgment for the sake of a relationship. Represents the danger of abandoning your values.
Modern Equivalent:
The person with high standards who settles for someone who treats them poorly
Key Quotes & Analysis
"Art thou a man ENTITLED to desire a child?"
Context: He's questioning whether the person has done enough self-development to deserve the responsibility of creating new life
This isn't about legal rights but moral readiness. Zarathustra believes parenthood should be earned through personal growth, not just assumed as a biological right. He's challenging people to think deeply about their motivations.
In Today's Words:
Have you gotten your own life together enough to be responsible for someone else's?
"Living monuments shalt thou build to thy victory and emancipation"
Context: Describing what children should represent - proof of the parents' growth and freedom
Children shouldn't be accidents or attempts to fill emotional voids. They should be the natural result of two people who have conquered themselves and want to create something greater together.
In Today's Words:
Your kids should be evidence that you've won the battle with your own demons and limitations.
"Marriage: so call I the will of the twain to create the one that is more than those who created it"
Context: Defining what real marriage should be, not just legal or social arrangement
True partnership isn't about finding your 'other half' or avoiding loneliness. It's about two complete people choosing to build something together that neither could create alone.
In Today's Words:
Real marriage is when two whole people decide to create something bigger than either of them could manage solo.
"Or doth the animal speak in thy wish, and necessity? Or isolation? Or discord in thee?"
Context: Questioning the real motivations behind wanting children or marriage
He's asking whether the desire comes from biological urges, loneliness, or internal conflict rather than genuine readiness. These are warning signs that someone isn't ready for the responsibility.
In Today's Words:
Are you just horny, lonely, or trying to fix something broken inside yourself?
Thematic Threads
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Zarathustra demands self-mastery before attempting to create with another person
Development
Evolution from individual transformation to relational responsibility
In Your Life:
You might notice yourself choosing partners who need fixing because it feels safer than being with an equal
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
True partnership requires two whole people creating something greater than themselves
Development
First exploration of love as creative force rather than comfort-seeking
In Your Life:
You might recognize relationships where you've lost yourself trying to keep peace or avoid conflict
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Challenges conventional marriage as settling for mediocrity or mutual need-fulfillment
Development
Continues critique of social conformity, now applied to intimate relationships
In Your Life:
You might question whether you're following relationship scripts that don't serve your actual growth
Identity
In This Chapter
Warns against partnerships where people lose their essential selves
Development
Extends identity preservation from social pressure to intimate relationships
In Your Life:
You might notice how certain relationships make you smaller versus those that encourage your full expression
Class
In This Chapter
Implies that settling for less in relationships reflects broader patterns of accepting limitation
Development
Connects personal relationship choices to larger questions of deserving better
In Your Life:
You might see how accepting subpar treatment in love mirrors accepting subpar treatment at work or in healthcare
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
What does Zarathustra mean when he asks if you're 'entitled' to want a child? What kind of inner work does he think people need to do first?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Zarathustra criticize marriages where 'the hero settles for lies' or 'the strong person becomes subservient'? What's he really worried about?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see people entering relationships from weakness rather than strength in your own life or community? What does that look like practically?
application • medium - 4
How would you tell the difference between a partnership that makes both people stronger versus one that makes them smaller? What are the warning signs?
application • deep - 5
What does this chapter suggest about the relationship between self-respect and the ability to love others well? Why might doing your own inner work be a prerequisite for healthy relationships?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Audit Your Relationship Patterns
Think about your three most significant relationships (romantic, friendship, family, or work partnerships). For each one, honestly assess: Are you bringing strength or neediness to this relationship? Is this partnership making you more yourself or less? Write down specific examples of how each relationship either challenges you to grow or enables you to stay small.
Consider:
- •Notice the difference between healthy interdependence and codependence
- •Consider whether you're attracted to people who need fixing or people who challenge you
- •Pay attention to relationships where you lose your voice or compromise your values
Journaling Prompt
Write about a relationship where you felt yourself becoming smaller or losing your sense of self. What were the warning signs you missed? How might you handle a similar situation differently now?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 21: Die at the Right Time
As the story unfolds, you'll explore to recognize when it's time to let go of things that no longer serve you, while uncovering clinging to past glory or outdated versions of yourself holds you back. These lessons connect the classic to contemporary challenges we all face.