Summary
Montaigne explores a fundamental human paradox: we desire most what is hardest to get, and lose interest in what comes easily. He begins with the philosophical question of whether we should fear losing what we love, then flips it—maybe the fear of loss actually makes us love more intensely. Through vivid examples from ancient Rome to his own time, he shows how difficulty creates value. Lovers stolen moments are sweeter than marriage beds. People travel far for healing waters they ignore at home. Romans flocked to French fencing schools while ignoring their own. Even his old horse lost interest in familiar mares but went wild for strangers. Montaigne extends this beyond romance to religion, noting how persecution strengthens faith more than comfort does. He argues that easy divorce actually strengthened Roman marriages because spouses had to earn each other's continued presence. In a deeply personal turn, he reveals how this principle shaped his own survival strategy during France's civil wars—by leaving his house completely undefended, he made it less tempting to attack than heavily fortified neighbors. The vulnerability itself became protection. This isn't just about psychology—it's about power, value, and the strange ways humans assign meaning. Montaigne suggests that understanding this pattern helps us navigate everything from relationships to politics to personal security.
Coming Up in Chapter 72
Next, Montaigne turns his attention to glory—that intoxicating pursuit that drives humans to seek fame and recognition. He'll examine whether the hunger for glory elevates us or destroys us, and why we care so much about what others think.
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An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
HAT OUR DESIRES ARE AUGMENTED BY DIFFICULTY There is no reason that has not its contrary, say the wisest of the philosophers. I was just now ruminating on the excellent saying one of the ancients alleges for the contempt of life: “No good can bring pleasure, unless it be that for the loss of which we are beforehand prepared.” “In aequo est dolor amissae rei, et timor amittendae,” [“The grief of losing a thing, and the fear of losing it, are equal.”--Seneca, Ep., 98.] meaning by this that the fruition of life cannot be truly pleasant to us if we are in fear of losing it. It might, however, be said, on the contrary, that we hug and embrace this good so much the more earnestly, and with so much greater affection, by how much we see it the less assured and fear to have it taken from us: for it is evident, as fire burns with greater fury when cold comes to mix with it, that our will is more obstinate by being opposed: “Si nunquam Danaen habuisset ahenea turris, Non esses, Danae, de Jove facta parens;” [“If a brazen tower had not held Danae, you would not, Danae, have been made a mother by Jove.”--Ovid, Amoy., ii. 19, 27.] and that there is nothing naturally so contrary to our taste as satiety which proceeds from facility; nor anything that so much whets it as rarity and difficulty: “Omnium rerum voluptas ipso, quo debet fugare, periculo crescit.” [“The pleasure of all things increases by the same danger that should deter it.”--Seneca, De Benef., vii. 9.] “Galla, nega; satiatur amor, nisi gaudia torquent.” [“Galla, refuse me; love is glutted with joys that are not attended with trouble.”--Martial, iv. 37.] To keep love in breath, Lycurgus made a decree that the married people of Lacedaemon should never enjoy one another but by stealth; and that it should be as great a shame to take them in bed together as committing with others. The difficulty of assignations, the danger of surprise, the shame of the morning, “Et languor, et silentium, Et latere petitus imo Spiritus:” [“And languor, and silence, and sighs, coming from the innermost heart.”--Hor., Epod., xi. 9.] these are what give the piquancy to the sauce. How many very wantonly pleasant sports spring from the most decent and modest language of the works on love? Pleasure itself seeks to be heightened with pain; it is much sweeter when it smarts and has the skin rippled. The courtesan Flora said she never lay with Pompey but that she made him wear the prints of her teeth.--[Plutarch, Life of Pompey, c. i.] “Quod petiere, premunt arcte, faciuntque dolorem Corporis, et dentes inlidunt saepe labellis . . . Et stimuli subsunt, qui instigant laedere ad ipsum, Quodcunque est, rabies unde illae germina surgunt.” [“What they have sought they dress closely, and cause pain; on the lips fix the teeth, and every kiss indents: urged by latent stimulus the part to wound”--Lucretius, i. 4.]...
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Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Difficult Desire - Why We Want What's Hard to Get
We assign higher value to things that are difficult to obtain and lose interest in what becomes easily accessible.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to recognize when perceived value comes from artificial scarcity versus genuine worth.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when you want something more because it's hard to get, and ask yourself if you'd still want it if it were freely available.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Stoicism
A philosophy that taught emotional control and acceptance of what you can't change. Stoics believed in preparing for loss so it wouldn't devastate you. Montaigne references Stoic ideas but questions whether being ready to lose something actually makes life less sweet.
Modern Usage:
We see this in modern self-help advice about 'letting go' and not getting too attached to outcomes.
Paradox of desire
The psychological truth that humans want most what's hardest to get and lose interest in what comes easily. Difficulty creates value in our minds, even when the object itself hasn't changed. This drives everything from romance to marketing.
Modern Usage:
Dating apps exploit this - people swipe past available matches to chase those who seem uninterested.
Civil Wars of Religion
The brutal religious conflicts tearing apart France during Montaigne's lifetime. Catholics and Protestants fought for control, making normal life dangerous. Montaigne lived through decades of this violence and had to develop survival strategies.
Modern Usage:
Similar to how people in war zones today must navigate between competing factions to stay safe.
Roman marriage customs
Romans could divorce easily, which Montaigne argues actually strengthened marriages. When either spouse could leave anytime, both had to keep earning the other's love. Contrast with his era's arranged marriages that trapped people together.
Modern Usage:
Like modern relationships where people choose to stay together rather than being legally or socially trapped.
Reverse psychology
The strategy of getting what you want by appearing not to want it, or making something attractive by making it seem unavailable. Montaigne shows how this works in everything from romance to military strategy.
Modern Usage:
Sales tactics like 'limited time offers' or playing hard to get in dating.
Classical allusion
References to ancient Greek and Roman stories, used to illustrate universal human patterns. Montaigne uses the myth of Danae (locked in a tower, which made Zeus want her more) to show how obstacles increase desire.
Modern Usage:
Like how movies reference older films to make a point about human nature that audiences will recognize.
Characters in This Chapter
Danae
mythological example
The princess locked in a bronze tower by her father to prevent prophecy of her bearing a child. Zeus desired her more because she was forbidden and inaccessible, eventually reaching her as golden rain.
Modern Equivalent:
The person everyone wants to date because they seem unattainable
Montaigne
narrator and philosopher
Shares his personal strategy of leaving his house undefended during civil wars, making it less attractive to attackers. Uses his own experience to illustrate the broader principle about difficulty creating desire.
Modern Equivalent:
The person who survives office politics by staying neutral and non-threatening
The Romans
historical example
Montaigne describes how Romans ignored their own excellent teachers but flocked to French fencing masters, showing how distance and difficulty made the same skills seem more valuable.
Modern Equivalent:
People who hire expensive consultants from other cities instead of using local experts
Montaigne's horse
animal example
Lost interest in familiar mares but became excited by strange ones, proving this desire pattern exists even in animals. Shows the principle isn't just human psychology but something deeper in nature.
Modern Equivalent:
The person who gets bored with their long-term partner but gets excited about new people
Key Quotes & Analysis
"No good can bring pleasure, unless it be that for the loss of which we are beforehand prepared."
Context: Montaigne opens by presenting the Stoic view that we should prepare for loss
This represents the traditional wisdom Montaigne is about to challenge. The Stoics believed emotional preparation prevented suffering, but Montaigne questions whether this preparation might actually diminish joy.
In Today's Words:
You can't really enjoy something unless you're ready to lose it.
"Our will is more obstinate by being opposed."
Context: Explaining why difficulty increases desire rather than decreasing it
This captures the core psychological insight of the chapter. Human nature rebels against limits and wants most what it can't easily have. Opposition strengthens rather than weakens desire.
In Today's Words:
Tell someone they can't have something and they'll want it even more.
"There is nothing naturally so contrary to our taste as satiety which proceeds from facility."
Context: Explaining why easy access kills desire
Montaigne identifies the flip side of his main point - abundance and ease breed boredom. This explains why people lose interest in what they have and crave what's difficult to obtain.
In Today's Words:
Nothing kills your interest faster than getting something too easily.
"The pleasure of all things increases by the same danger that should deter us from them."
Context: Summarizing how risk makes experiences more intense
This paradox drives much human behavior - the very danger that should make us avoid something often makes it more appealing. Risk creates value and intensity that safety cannot match.
In Today's Words:
The riskier something is, the more exciting it becomes.
Thematic Threads
Human Psychology
In This Chapter
Montaigne reveals how difficulty creates desire and ease breeds contempt across all human activities
Development
Builds on earlier psychological observations to show this as a fundamental human operating system
In Your Life:
You might notice wanting things more when they're hard to get and losing interest when they become routine.
Value Creation
In This Chapter
Shows how perceived worth comes from effort required rather than inherent qualities
Development
Expands understanding of how humans determine what matters to them
In Your Life:
You might realize you're paying premium prices for things that feel exclusive rather than actually superior.
Strategic Vulnerability
In This Chapter
Montaigne's undefended house becomes safer because it's less tempting to attack
Development
Introduced here as a counterintuitive survival strategy
In Your Life:
You might find that being too defensive or protective sometimes creates the problems you're trying to avoid.
Social Dynamics
In This Chapter
Romans valued foreign expertise over local knowledge, showing how distance creates authority
Development
Continues exploration of how perception shapes social reality
In Your Life:
You might notice giving more weight to advice from distant experts than local wisdom.
Relationship Patterns
In This Chapter
Easy divorce strengthened Roman marriages by requiring ongoing effort to maintain them
Development
Deepens understanding of how constraint and freedom interact in human bonds
In Your Life:
You might see how having options can make you less committed to what you already have.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
According to Montaigne, why did his undefended house stay safe during the civil wars while fortified neighbors got attacked?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Montaigne think difficulty and obstacles actually increase our desire for something rather than decrease it?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see this 'wanting what's hard to get' pattern playing out in modern dating, work, or social media?
application • medium - 4
If you wanted someone to value your time and attention more, how might you apply Montaigne's insights about scarcity and availability?
application • deep - 5
What does this pattern reveal about how humans decide what's worth having versus what's actually good for them?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Track Your Scarcity Responses
For the next week, notice when you want something more because it's hard to get, and when you lose interest because something becomes too easy. Keep a simple log: what you wanted, why it seemed valuable, and whether the difficulty was the real draw. Look for patterns in your own 'wanting what's hard to get' behavior.
Consider:
- •Pay attention to your gut reaction when someone is always available versus sometimes busy
- •Notice how your interest changes when a limited-time offer becomes permanent
- •Watch for moments when you chase something mainly because others want it too
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you got something you really wanted, then lost interest once you had it. What made it seem so valuable when it was out of reach? How might understanding this pattern change how you pursue goals or evaluate opportunities?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 72: The Hollow Chase for Glory
Next, Montaigne turns his attention to glory—that intoxicating pursuit that drives humans to seek fame and recognition. He'll examine whether the hunger for glory elevates us or destroys us, and why we care so much about what others think.
