Summary
Natasha remains trapped in depression months after her scandal with Anatole. She's lost all joy—can't laugh without crying, can't sing without choking up. The carefree girl who once lived for balls and parties now finds such pleasures feel like betrayal of her pain. She isolates herself, finding comfort only with her young brother Petya and surprisingly, with Pierre. Pierre treats her with extraordinary gentleness, never pushing, never expecting gratitude. His kindness feels natural rather than effortful, creating a safe space where she doesn't have to perform or pretend. When a devout family friend suggests Natasha prepare for communion through intensive prayer and fasting, she eagerly embraces the discipline. Rising at 3 AM, attending services daily, she discovers something unexpected in the ritual and structure. The prayers of repentance particularly move her—not because she's seeking forgiveness from others, but because acknowledging her flaws honestly becomes a pathway to self-acceptance. In the early morning darkness of nearly empty churches, surrounded by the smell of candles and incense, Natasha finds what therapy and medicine couldn't provide: a sense that change is possible, that she might rebuild herself into someone she can live with. The chapter shows how spiritual practice—whether religious or secular—can provide the scaffolding needed to reconstruct a shattered sense of self. It's not about becoming perfect, but about finding peace with imperfection.
Coming Up in Chapter 185
Natasha's spiritual awakening brings temporary peace, but the real world waits beyond the church doors. As she begins to heal, the complex dynamics of her relationships—especially with Pierre—will face new tests.
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An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
Natásha was calmer but no happier. She not merely avoided all external forms of pleasure—balls, promenades, concerts, and theaters—but she never laughed without a sound of tears in her laughter. She could not sing. As soon as she began to laugh, or tried to sing by herself, tears choked her: tears of remorse, tears at the recollection of those pure times which could never return, tears of vexation that she should so uselessly have ruined her young life which might have been so happy. Laughter and singing in particular seemed to her like a blasphemy, in face of her sorrow. Without any need of self-restraint, no wish to coquet ever entered her head. She said and felt at that time that no man was more to her than Nastásya Ivánovna, the buffoon. Something stood sentinel within her and forbade her every joy. Besides, she had lost all the old interests of her carefree girlish life that had been so full of hope. The previous autumn, the hunting, “Uncle,” and the Christmas holidays spent with Nicholas at Otrádnoe were what she recalled oftenest and most painfully. What would she not have given to bring back even a single day of that time! But it was gone forever. Her presentiment at the time had not deceived her—that that state of freedom and readiness for any enjoyment would not return again. Yet it was necessary to live on. It comforted her to reflect that she was not better as she had formerly imagined, but worse, much worse, than anybody else in the world. But this was not enough. She knew that, and asked herself, “What next?” But there was nothing to come. There was no joy in life, yet life was passing. Natásha apparently tried not to be a burden or a hindrance to anyone, but wanted nothing for herself. She kept away from everyone in the house and felt at ease only with her brother Pétya. She liked to be with him better than with the others, and when alone with him she sometimes laughed. She hardly ever left the house and of those who came to see them was glad to see only one person, Pierre. It would have been impossible to treat her with more delicacy, greater care, and at the same time more seriously than did Count Bezúkhov. Natásha unconsciously felt this delicacy and so found great pleasure in his society. But she was not even grateful to him for it; nothing good on Pierre’s part seemed to her to be an effort, it seemed so natural for him to be kind to everyone that there was no merit in his kindness. Sometimes Natásha noticed embarrassment and awkwardness on his part in her presence, especially when he wanted to do something to please her, or feared that something they spoke of would awaken memories distressing to her. She noticed this and attributed it to his general kindness and shyness, which she imagined must be the same toward everyone as...
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Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Sacred Structure
When emotionally devastated, we need external scaffolding and structured practice to rebuild our internal world, independent of how we feel.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to create external structure that supports internal healing when emotions are too unreliable to guide us.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when you're relying on motivation alone to make changes—then identify one small, consistent practice you could maintain regardless of how you feel.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Melancholia
A deep, persistent sadness that goes beyond normal grief - what we'd now call clinical depression. In Tolstoy's time, it was seen as a condition of sensitive souls who felt life's disappointments too deeply.
Modern Usage:
We see this in people who can't bounce back from major life setbacks - job loss, divorce, or public humiliation that leaves them unable to find joy in anything.
Social exile
When someone withdraws from society after scandal or shame, cutting themselves off from normal social activities. It was both self-imposed punishment and protection from judgment.
Modern Usage:
Like someone who deletes all social media and stops going out after a public embarrassment or relationship disaster.
Spiritual discipline
Using religious practices like prayer, fasting, and ritual to create structure and find meaning during emotional crisis. The routine itself becomes healing, separate from religious belief.
Modern Usage:
Similar to how people use meditation apps, yoga practice, or even strict workout routines to rebuild themselves after trauma.
Penitential practices
Religious activities focused on acknowledging wrongdoing and seeking spiritual cleansing. In Russian Orthodoxy, this included intensive prayer, fasting, and confession.
Modern Usage:
Like people who throw themselves into therapy, support groups, or self-help programs after hitting rock bottom.
Communion preparation
A period of spiritual preparation before receiving the Eucharist, involving prayer, fasting, and self-examination. It required serious commitment and was seen as spiritually transformative.
Modern Usage:
Similar to intensive therapy programs or retreats where people do deep work to prepare for major life changes.
Emotional sanctuary
A safe space or relationship where someone can exist without judgment or pressure to perform happiness. Often found with unexpected people who offer unconditional acceptance.
Modern Usage:
That one friend who lets you be a mess without trying to fix you, or a therapist's office where you don't have to pretend you're okay.
Characters in This Chapter
Natasha
Protagonist in crisis
She's trapped in severe depression months after her scandal, unable to find joy in anything that once made her happy. Her attempt to find healing through religious practice shows her desperate search for a way forward.
Modern Equivalent:
The person who had a public breakdown and is trying everything to feel normal again
Pierre
Compassionate friend
He provides Natasha with gentle, non-judgmental companionship without trying to fix her or expecting gratitude. His natural kindness creates the only space where she feels safe.
Modern Equivalent:
The friend who shows up with no agenda, just sits with you in your mess
Petya
Innocent companion
Natasha's young brother represents the only relationship untainted by her scandal. With him, she can access small moments of genuine feeling without the weight of judgment.
Modern Equivalent:
The little kid in your life who doesn't know about your drama and treats you the same as always
Nastasya Ivanovna
Neutral presence
The family's buffoon represents how Natasha now views all men - as completely irrelevant to her emotional life. She's shut down romantically and sexually as protection.
Modern Equivalent:
That harmless older coworker who's just part of the furniture
Key Quotes & Analysis
"She could not sing. As soon as she began to laugh, or tried to sing by herself, tears choked her: tears of remorse, tears at the recollection of those pure times which could never return."
Context: Describing how Natasha's depression has stolen her ability to express joy
This shows how trauma can make our former sources of happiness feel like betrayal. Natasha can't access joy without being flooded by grief for who she used to be.
In Today's Words:
Every time she tried to be happy, it just reminded her of how much she'd lost.
"Something stood sentinel within her and forbade her every joy."
Context: Explaining why Natasha can't enjoy anything anymore
Tolstoy personifies depression as an internal guard that blocks happiness. It's not a choice - there's literally something inside preventing her from feeling good.
In Today's Words:
Part of her brain was basically blocking any chance of feeling okay.
"What would she not have given to bring back even a single day of that time! But it was gone forever."
Context: Natasha remembering happier times before her scandal
This captures the devastating finality of lost innocence. She's not just sad about what happened - she's grieving the person she can never be again.
In Today's Words:
She would have traded anything to go back to when life was simple, but that girl was gone for good.
Thematic Threads
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Natasha discovers that healing requires structured practice and honest self-examination, not just time or willpower
Development
Evolved from her earlier impulsive nature to recognizing the need for disciplined reconstruction
In Your Life:
You might need structured routines and practices during your own periods of emotional rebuilding or major life transitions.
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Pierre's gentle, non-demanding presence provides the safe space Natasha needs for healing
Development
Continued development of Pierre as someone who understands how to love without pressure
In Your Life:
You might recognize the difference between people who demand your gratitude for help versus those who simply offer steady presence.
Identity
In This Chapter
Natasha must rebuild her sense of self after the scandal destroyed her previous identity as carefree and joyful
Development
Advanced from her earlier crisis to active reconstruction of who she wants to become
In Your Life:
You might face periods where you need to consciously rebuild your identity after major failures or life changes.
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Natasha rejects society's expectations for how she should recover and finds her own path through spiritual practice
Development
Continued theme of characters choosing authentic paths over social conventions
In Your Life:
You might need to ignore others' timelines and expectations for how you should heal or change.
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
What specific changes does Natasha make to her daily routine, and how does her emotional state shift as a result?
analysis • surface - 2
Why do you think structured religious practice helps Natasha when other forms of comfort have failed?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see people today using routine and structure to get through difficult times - in recovery programs, grief support, or personal crises?
application • medium - 4
If someone you cared about was struggling with depression or trauma, how would you help them build helpful structure without being pushy?
application • deep - 5
What does Natasha's story teach us about the difference between healing and just feeling better?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Design Your Own Scaffolding
Think of a difficult period in your life when you felt emotionally scattered or overwhelmed. Design a daily routine that could have provided structure during that time - not to fix everything, but to create stability. Include specific times, activities, and small rituals that would work regardless of how you felt on any given day.
Consider:
- •Focus on actions you could do even when motivation was low
- •Include at least one element that involves honest acknowledgment of struggle
- •Think about what time of day you typically have the most energy or focus
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when routine or structure carried you through a difficult period. What made certain practices sustainable when others fell away?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 185: Prayer in a Time of Crisis
In the next chapter, you'll discover spiritual practices can provide clarity during personal turmoil, and learn the difference between public anxiety and private reflection. These insights reveal timeless patterns that resonate in our own lives and relationships.