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War and Peace - When Old Friends Become Strangers

Leo Tolstoy

War and Peace

When Old Friends Become Strangers

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Summary

Boris has successfully climbed the social ladder and now moves in elite circles, even witnessing the historic meeting between Napoleon and the Russian Emperor at Tilsit. He's learned to play the political game perfectly, calling Napoleon by his imperial title rather than the dismissive 'Bonaparte' that others use. Meanwhile, Rostov arrives unexpectedly, still carrying the army's hatred for the French and shocked to find French officers dining in Boris's quarters. The reunion is painfully awkward. Boris, now polished and diplomatic, treats his old friend with the same distant courtesy he shows everyone else. Rostov feels like an outsider—which he is. When Rostov asks Boris to help with Denisov's legal troubles, Boris offers only bureaucratic suggestions, not the personal intervention Rostov hoped for. The chapter captures that devastating moment when you realize an old friend has moved beyond your world. Boris isn't necessarily cruel, but his priorities have shifted. Success in his new environment requires different loyalties and behaviors. Rostov represents Boris's past—a past that no longer serves his ambitions. The scene illustrates how social mobility can create unbridgeable gaps between people who once shared everything. It's a universal experience: the friend who gets promoted and suddenly seems like a stranger, the college buddy who moves to a different social class. Tolstoy shows us that these changes, while natural, carry real emotional costs for everyone involved.

Coming Up in Chapter 104

Rostov's isolation deepens as he remains alone, listening to the lighthearted French conversation from the next room. His discomfort with this new world of political convenience and social climbing will force him to confront what he truly values.

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An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 1534 words)

H

aving returned to the regiment and told the commander the state of
Denísov’s affairs, Rostóv rode to Tilsit with the letter to the
Emperor.

On the thirteenth of June the French and Russian Emperors arrived in
Tilsit. Borís Drubetskóy had asked the important personage on whom he
was in attendance, to include him in the suite appointed for the stay at
Tilsit.

“I should like to see the great man,” he said, alluding to Napoleon,
whom hitherto he, like everyone else, had always called Buonaparte.

“You are speaking of Buonaparte?” asked the general, smiling.

Borís looked at his general inquiringly and immediately saw that he was
being tested.

“I am speaking, Prince, of the Emperor Napoleon,” he replied. The
general patted him on the shoulder, with a smile.

“You will go far,” he said, and took him to Tilsit with him.

Borís was among the few present at the Niemen on the day the two
Emperors met. He saw the raft, decorated with monograms, saw Napoleon
pass before the French Guards on the farther bank of the river, saw the
pensive face of the Emperor Alexander as he sat in silence in a tavern
on the bank of the Niemen awaiting Napoleon’s arrival, saw both
Emperors get into boats, and saw how Napoleon—reaching the raft
first—stepped quickly forward to meet Alexander and held out his hand
to him, and how they both retired into the pavilion. Since he had begun
to move in the highest circles Borís had made it his habit to watch
attentively all that went on around him and to note it down. At the time
of the meeting at Tilsit he asked the names of those who had come with
Napoleon and about the uniforms they wore, and listened attentively to
words spoken by important personages. At the moment the Emperors went
into the pavilion he looked at his watch, and did not forget to look at
it again when Alexander came out. The interview had lasted an hour and
fifty-three minutes. He noted this down that same evening, among other
facts he felt to be of historic importance. As the Emperor’s suite
was a very small one, it was a matter of great importance, for a man who
valued his success in the service, to be at Tilsit on the occasion of
this interview between the two Emperors, and having succeeded in this,
Borís felt that henceforth his position was fully assured. He had not
only become known, but people had grown accustomed to him and accepted
him. Twice he had executed commissions to the Emperor himself, so
that the latter knew his face, and all those at court, far from
cold-shouldering him as at first when they considered him a newcomer,
would now have been surprised had he been absent.

Borís lodged with another adjutant, the Polish Count Zhilínski.
Zhilínski, a Pole brought up in Paris, was rich, and passionately
fond of the French, and almost every day of the stay at Tilsit, French
officers of the Guard and from French headquarters were dining and
lunching with him and Borís.

On the evening of the twenty-fourth of June, Count Zhilínski arranged a
supper for his French friends. The guest of honor was an aide-de-camp of
Napoleon’s, there were also several French officers of the Guard,
and a page of Napoleon’s, a young lad of an old aristocratic French
family. That same day, Rostóv, profiting by the darkness to avoid being
recognized in civilian dress, came to Tilsit and went to the lodging
occupied by Borís and Zhilínski.

Rostóv, in common with the whole army from which he came, was far
from having experienced the change of feeling toward Napoleon and the
French—who from being foes had suddenly become friends—that had
taken place at headquarters and in Borís. In the army, Bonaparte and
the French were still regarded with mingled feelings of anger, contempt,
and fear. Only recently, talking with one of Plátov’s Cossack
officers, Rostóv had argued that if Napoleon were taken prisoner he
would be treated not as a sovereign, but as a criminal. Quite lately,
happening to meet a wounded French colonel on the road, Rostóv had
maintained with heat that peace was impossible between a legitimate
sovereign and the criminal Bonaparte. Rostóv was therefore unpleasantly
struck by the presence of French officers in Borís’ lodging, dressed
in uniforms he had been accustomed to see from quite a different point
of view from the outposts of the flank. As soon as he noticed a French
officer, who thrust his head out of the door, that warlike feeling of
hostility which he always experienced at the sight of the enemy suddenly
seized him. He stopped at the threshold and asked in Russian whether
Drubetskóy lived there. Borís, hearing a strange voice in the
anteroom, came out to meet him. An expression of annoyance showed itself
for a moment on his face on first recognizing Rostóv.

“Ah, it’s you? Very glad, very glad to see you,” he said, however,
coming toward him with a smile. But Rostóv had noticed his first
impulse.

“I’ve come at a bad time I think. I should not have come, but I have
business,” he said coldly.

“No, I only wonder how you managed to get away from your regiment.
Dans un moment je suis à vous,” * he said, answering someone who
called him.

* “In a minute I shall be at your disposal.”

“I see I’m intruding,” Rostóv repeated.

The look of annoyance had already disappeared from Borís’ face:
having evidently reflected and decided how to act, he very quietly took
both Rostóv’s hands and led him into the next room. His eyes, looking
serenely and steadily at Rostóv, seemed to be veiled by something,
as if screened by blue spectacles of conventionality. So it seemed to
Rostóv.

“Oh, come now! As if you could come at a wrong time!” said Borís,
and he led him into the room where the supper table was laid and
introduced him to his guests, explaining that he was not a civilian, but
an hussar officer, and an old friend of his.

“Count Zhilínski—le Comte N. N.—le Capitaine S. S.,” said he,
naming his guests. Rostóv looked frowningly at the Frenchmen, bowed
reluctantly, and remained silent.

Zhilínski evidently did not receive this new Russian person very
willingly into his circle and did not speak to Rostóv. Borís did not
appear to notice the constraint the newcomer produced and, with the same
pleasant composure and the same veiled look in his eyes with which
he had met Rostóv, tried to enliven the conversation. One of the
Frenchmen, with the politeness characteristic of his countrymen,
addressed the obstinately taciturn Rostóv, saying that the latter had
probably come to Tilsit to see the Emperor.

“No, I came on business,” replied Rostóv, briefly.

Rostóv had been out of humor from the moment he noticed the look of
dissatisfaction on Borís’ face, and as always happens to those in a
bad humor, it seemed to him that everyone regarded him with aversion
and that he was in everybody’s way. He really was in their way, for he
alone took no part in the conversation which again became general. The
looks the visitors cast on him seemed to say: “And what is he sitting
here for?” He rose and went up to Borís.

“Anyhow, I’m in your way,” he said in a low tone. “Come and talk
over my business and I’ll go away.”

“Oh, no, not at all,” said Borís. “But if you are tired, come and
lie down in my room and have a rest.”

“Yes, really...”

They went into the little room where Borís slept. Rostóv, without
sitting down, began at once, irritably (as if Borís were to blame in
some way)
telling him about Denísov’s affair, asking him whether,
through his general, he could and would intercede with the Emperor on
Denísov’s behalf and get Denísov’s petition handed in. When he
and Borís were alone, Rostóv felt for the first time that he could not
look Borís in the face without a sense of awkwardness. Borís, with one
leg crossed over the other and stroking his left hand with the slender
fingers of his right, listened to Rostóv as a general listens to the
report of a subordinate, now looking aside and now gazing straight into
Rostóv’s eyes with the same veiled look. Each time this happened
Rostóv felt uncomfortable and cast down his eyes.

“I have heard of such cases and know that His Majesty is very severe
in such affairs. I think it would be best not to bring it before the
Emperor, but to apply to the commander of the corps.... But in general,
I think...”

“So you don’t want to do anything? Well then, say so!” Rostóv
almost shouted, not looking Borís in the face.

Borís smiled.

“On the contrary, I will do what I can. Only I thought...”

At that moment Zhilínski’s voice was heard calling Borís.

“Well then, go, go, go...” said Rostóv, and refusing supper and
remaining alone in the little room, he walked up and down for a long
time, hearing the lighthearted French conversation from the next room.

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Let's Analyse the Pattern

Pattern: The Mobility Gap
This chapter reveals the pattern of social mobility creating emotional distance between people who once shared the same world. Boris hasn't become evil—he's adapted to survive and thrive in elite circles. But this adaptation requires him to treat everyone, including old friends, with the same polished detachment that his new environment demands. The mechanism works like this: when you climb social or professional ladders, you learn new codes of behavior, new priorities, new ways of speaking and thinking. These aren't just surface changes—they rewire how you relate to people. Boris can't afford to show favoritism or act on old loyalties because his position depends on being seen as professional and impartial. His success requires him to value different things than he once did. Meanwhile, Rostov represents Boris's former life, and maintaining that connection threatens Boris's carefully constructed new identity. This exact pattern plays out everywhere today. The nurse who becomes a supervisor suddenly can't grab drinks with former coworkers because it might compromise her authority. The friend who gets promoted to management starts speaking differently in meetings, using corporate language that creates distance. The family member who goes to college returns home feeling like an outsider at family gatherings, unable to connect the way they used to. The coworker who gets transferred to the corporate office begins dressing differently, talking about different things, seeming like a stranger when they visit the old department. When you recognize this pattern, you can navigate it better from both sides. If you're the one climbing, acknowledge the tension honestly—don't pretend nothing has changed. If you're watching someone else climb, understand that their distance isn't necessarily personal rejection. Set realistic expectations for what the relationship can become rather than mourning what it was. Look for new ways to connect that honor both your current realities. When you can name the pattern, predict where it leads, and navigate it successfully—that's amplified intelligence.

Social or professional advancement creates emotional distance from former peers as new environments require different behaviors and loyalties.

Why This Matters

Connect literature to life

Skill: Reading Social Mobility Signals

This chapter teaches how to recognize when someone's changed behavior reflects new social pressures rather than personal rejection.

Practice This Today

This week, notice when someone speaks differently in professional settings versus personal ones—watch for the code-switching that reveals divided loyalties.

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Now let's explore the literary elements.

Key Quotes & Analysis

"You are speaking of Buonaparte?"

— The General

Context: Testing whether Boris understands the political implications of how he refers to Napoleon

This seemingly casual question is actually a loyalty test. The General wants to see if Boris is sophisticated enough to use the respectful title 'Emperor Napoleon' rather than the dismissive 'Bonaparte' that shows lingering hostility.

In Today's Words:

Are you talking about that guy we're supposed to hate, or are you being diplomatic?

"You will go far"

— The General

Context: After Boris correctly calls Napoleon 'Emperor Napoleon' instead of 'Bonaparte'

The General recognizes that Boris understands how to navigate political realities. Success in elite circles requires knowing when to set aside personal feelings for strategic advantage.

In Today's Words:

You get it - you know how to play the game.

"I am speaking, Prince, of the Emperor Napoleon"

— Boris

Context: His careful correction when the General tests his political awareness

Boris demonstrates he's learned to separate personal feelings from political necessity. He knows that using the proper title shows respect for current diplomatic realities, even if he personally dislikes Napoleon.

In Today's Words:

I mean the guy we're officially treating with respect now, regardless of how we feel about him.

Thematic Threads

Class

In This Chapter

Boris has successfully moved from middle-class army officer to elite diplomatic circles, adopting their mannerisms and priorities

Development

Evolved from earlier chapters showing Boris's calculated networking and social climbing

In Your Life:

You might see this when a coworker gets promoted and suddenly seems like a different person in meetings

Identity

In This Chapter

Boris has crafted a new identity that requires him to distance himself from his past self and old relationships

Development

Developed from his earlier strategic social positioning into complete transformation

In Your Life:

You experience this when you change jobs or social circles and feel pressure to be someone different

Social Expectations

In This Chapter

Boris must behave according to diplomatic protocol, treating even old friends with formal courtesy

Development

Built on previous scenes of Boris learning to navigate elite social rules

In Your Life:

You face this when your new role requires you to maintain professional boundaries with former peers

Human Relationships

In This Chapter

The friendship between Boris and Rostov becomes strained by their different social positions and priorities

Development

Continuation of their relationship's evolution as Boris has changed

In Your Life:

You might feel this distance when reconnecting with old friends who've moved to different life circumstances

Personal Growth

In This Chapter

Boris has grown into someone more sophisticated but potentially less authentic and loyal

Development

Shows the complex costs of his earlier ambitions coming to fruition

In Your Life:

You might question whether your own professional development is changing you in ways you're not sure you like

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You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.

Discussion Questions

  1. 1

    What specific changes in Boris's behavior make Rostov feel like he's talking to a stranger?

    analysis • surface
  2. 2

    Why can't Boris help Rostov with Denisov's legal troubles the way Rostov expects him to?

    analysis • medium
  3. 3

    Where have you seen this same pattern—someone getting promoted or moving up socially and suddenly seeming different with old friends?

    application • medium
  4. 4

    If you were in Boris's position, how would you balance maintaining old friendships with succeeding in your new environment?

    application • deep
  5. 5

    What does this chapter reveal about the hidden costs of social mobility and professional success?

    reflection • deep

Critical Thinking Exercise

10 minutes

Map Your Social Climbing Experiences

Think of a time when either you or someone close to you experienced a significant change in social or professional status—a promotion, new job, educational opportunity, or move to a different community. Draw a simple before-and-after comparison showing how relationships changed. What behaviors, language, or priorities shifted? What relationships became strained or distant?

Consider:

  • •Consider both sides: the person who moved up and those who stayed behind
  • •Look for specific behavioral changes, not just general 'they changed'
  • •Think about what survival needs or pressures drove these changes

Journaling Prompt

Write about a relationship that changed when someone's status shifted. What did you learn about navigating these transitions, and how would you handle a similar situation differently now?

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Coming Up Next...

Chapter 104: When Power Says No

Rostov's isolation deepens as he remains alone, listening to the lighthearted French conversation from the next room. His discomfort with this new world of political convenience and social climbing will force him to confront what he truly values.

Continue to Chapter 104
Previous
Pride vs. Pragmatism in Crisis
Contents
Next
When Power Says No

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