An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 1374 words)
f those passions which take their origin from a particular turn or habit of the imagination.
Even of the passions derived from the imagination,
those which take their origin from a peculiar
turn or habit it has acquired, though they may be
acknowledged to be perfectly natural, are, however,
but little sympathized with. The imaginations of
mankind, not having acquired that particular turn,
cannot enter into them; and such passions, though
they may be allowed to be almost unavoidable in
some part of life, are always in some measure ridiculous.
This is the case with that strong attachment
which naturally grows up between two persons
of different sexes, who have long fixed their thoughts
upon one another. Our imagination not having run
in the same channel with that of the lover, we cannot
enter into the eagerness of his emotions. If
our friend has been injured, we readily sympathize
with his resentment, and grow angry with the very
person with whom he is angry. If he has received
a benefit, we readily enter into his gratitude, and
have a very high sense of the merit of his benefactor.
But if he is in love, though we may think his passion
just as reasonable as any of the kind, yet we
never think ourselves bound to conceive a passion of
the same kind, and for the same person for whom
he has conceived it. The passion appears to every
body, but the man who feels it, entirely disproportioned
42to the value of the object; and love,
though it is pardoned in a certain age because we
know it is natural, is always laughed at, because we
cannot enter into it. All serious and strong expressions
of it appear ridiculous to a third person;
and though a lover may be good company to his
mistress, he is so to nobody else. He himself is sensible
of this; and as long as he continues in his sober
senses, endeavours to treat his own passion with raillery
and ridicule. It is the only style in which we
care to hear of it; because it is the only style in
which we ourselves are disposed to talk of it. We
grow weary of the grave, pedantic, and long-sentenced
love of Cowley and Propertius, who never
have done with exaggerating the violence of their
attachments; but the gaiety of Ovid, and the gallantry
of Horace, are always agreeable.
But though we feel no proper sympathy with an
attachment of this kind, though we never approach
even in imagination towards conceiving a passion
for that particular person, yet as we either have
conceived, or may be disposed to conceive, passions
of the same kind, we readily enter into those high
hopes of happiness which are proposed from its gratification,
as well as into that exquisite distress which
is feared from its disappointment. It interests us
not as a passion, but as a situation that gives occasion
to other passions which interest us; to hope, to fear,
and to distress of every kind: in the same manner as
in a description of a sea voyage, it is not the hunger
which interests us, but the distress which that hunger
occasions. Though we do not properly enter into
the attachment of the lover, we readily go along
with those expectations of romantic happiness which
43he derives from it. We feel how natural it is for
the mind, in a certain situation, relaxed with indolence,
and fatigued with the violence of desire, to
long for serenity and quiet, to hope to find them in
the gratification of that passion which distracts it,
and to frame to itself the idea of that life of pastoral
tranquillity and retirement which the elegant, the
tender, and the passionate Tibullus takes so much
pleasure in deferring; a life like what the poets describe
in the Fortunate Islands, a life of friendship,
liberty, and repose; free from labour, and from
care, and from all the turbulent passions which attend
them. Even scenes of this kind interest us most,
when they are painted rather as what is hoped, than
as what is enjoyed. The grossness of that passion
which mixes with, and is, perhaps, the foundation
of love, disappears when its gratification is far off
and at a distance; but renders the whole offensive,
when described as what is immediately possessed.
The happy passion, upon this account, interests us
much less than the fearful and the melancholy.
We tremble for whatever can disappoint such natural
and agreeable hopes: and thus enter into all the
anxiety, and concern, and distress of the lover.
Hence it is, that, in some modern tragedies and
romances, this passion appears so wonderfully interesting.
It is not so much the love of Castalio and
Monimia which attaches us in the Orphan, as the distress
which that love occasions. The author who
should introduce two lovers, in a scene of perfect
security, expressing their mutual fondness for one
another, would excite laughter, and not sympathy.
If a scene of this kind is ever admitted into a tragedy,
it is always, in some measure, improper, and
44is endured, not from any sympathy with the passion
that is expressed in it, but from concern for the
dangers and difficulties with which the audience
foresee that its gratification is likely to be attended.
The reserve which the laws of society impose
upon the fair sex, with regard to this weakness, renders
it more peculiarly distressful in them, and, upon
that very account, more deeply interesting. We
are charmed with the love of Phædra, as it is expressed
in the French tragedy of that name, notwithstanding
all the extravagance and guilt which
attends it. That very extravagance and guilt
may be said, in some measure, to recommend it to
us. Her fear, her shame, her remorse, her horror,
her despair, become thereby more natural and interesting.
All the secondary passions, if I may be
allowed to call them so, which arise from the situation
of love, become necessarily more furious and
violent: and it is with these secondary passions only
that we can properly be said to sympathize.
Of all the passions, however, which are so extravagantly
disproportioned to the value of their
objects, love is the only one that appears, even to
the weakest minds, to have any thing in it that is
either graceful or agreeable. In itself, first of all,
though it may be ridiculous, it is not naturally
odious; and though its consequences are often fatal
and dreadful, its intentions are seldom mischievous.
And then, though there is little propriety in the
passion itself, there is a good deal in some of those
which always accompany it. There is in love a
strong mixture of humanity, generality, kindness,
friendship, esteem; passions with which, of all
45others, for reasons which shall be explained immediately,
we have the greatest propensity to sympathize,
even notwithstanding we are sensible that
they are, in some measure, excessive. The sympathy
which we feel with them, renders the passion which
they accompany less disagreeable, and supports it
in our imagination, notwithstanding all the vices
which commonly go along with it; though in the
one sex it necessarily leads to ruin and infamy; and
though in the other, where it is apprehended to be
least fatal, it is almost always attended with an incapacity
for labour, a neglect of duty, a contempt
of fame, and even of common reputation. Notwithstanding
all this, the degree of sensibility and
generosity with which it is supposed to be accompanied,
renders it to many the object of vanity;
and they are fond of appearing capable of feeling
what would do them no honour if they had really
felt it.
It is for a reason of the same kind, that a certain
reserve is necessary when we talk of our own friends,
our own studies, our own professions. All these are
objects which we cannot expect should interest our
companions in the same degree in which they interest
us. And it is for want of this reserve, that the one
half of mankind make bad company to the other.
A philosopher is company to a philosopher only;
the member of a club, to his own little knot of
companions.
46
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Let's Analyse the Pattern
Our deepest personal passions and obsessions naturally isolate us from others who cannot share our emotional experience.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to recognize which emotions will connect with specific audiences and which will create distance.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when someone shares excitement versus struggle—watch how differently people respond and adjust your own sharing accordingly.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"The passion appears to every body, but the man who feels it, entirely disproportioned to the value of the object."
Context: Smith explaining why love seems ridiculous to everyone except the lover
This captures the fundamental disconnect between how love feels from the inside versus how it looks from the outside. It explains why lovers often feel misunderstood and why friends roll their eyes at romantic drama.
In Today's Words:
Everyone thinks you're way too into someone who's just not that special.
"Our imagination not having run in the same channel with that of the lover, we cannot enter into the eagerness of his emotions."
Context: Explaining why we can't truly sympathize with someone else's romantic feelings
Smith shows that sympathy requires shared experience or imagination. Since we haven't fallen for the same person, we can't access that specific emotional intensity.
In Today's Words:
We can't feel what they're feeling because our minds haven't gone down that same path.
"If our friend has been injured, we readily sympathize with his resentment, and grow angry with the very person with whom he is angry."
Context: Contrasting easy sympathy with anger versus difficult sympathy with love
This shows how some emotions are universal and transferable while others are highly personal. We've all been wronged, so we can share that feeling easily.
In Today's Words:
When someone messes with your friend, you automatically want to mess with them back.
Thematic Threads
Social Connection
In This Chapter
Smith shows how our most meaningful experiences can paradoxically disconnect us from others
Development
Builds on earlier chapters about sympathy by revealing its limits
In Your Life:
You might notice how talking about your biggest interests sometimes makes people uncomfortable or distant
Emotional Boundaries
In This Chapter
The necessity of reserve about our deepest feelings to maintain social relationships
Development
Introduced here as a practical social strategy
In Your Life:
You probably already edit what you share based on who you're talking to, even if you don't realize it
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Why we connect more with others' struggles than their pure happiness
Development
Extends the sympathy concept to explain why tragedy resonates more than joy
In Your Life:
You might find yourself more engaged when friends share problems rather than successes
Identity
In This Chapter
The challenge of being fully known when our passions seem excessive to others
Development
Shows how social expectations shape which parts of ourselves we reveal
In Your Life:
You likely have different versions of yourself for different social contexts
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Learning to navigate the gap between internal experience and external expression
Development
Practical wisdom about managing our social presentation
In Your Life:
You might need to develop better strategies for sharing what matters most to you
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
Why can't we truly feel what someone else feels when they're in love, even when we think their choice makes perfect sense?
analysis • surface - 2
According to Smith, why are we more interested in hearing about someone's romantic struggles than their romantic happiness?
analysis • medium - 3
Think about your workplace or social circle. Who gets labeled as 'that person who always talks about...'? What pattern does this reveal?
application • medium - 4
How would you share something you're passionate about with people who don't share that passion, knowing they can't truly feel your excitement?
application • deep - 5
What does this chapter reveal about why we need different friend groups for different parts of our lives?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Map Your Passion Circles
Draw three circles representing your main life areas (work, family, hobbies, etc.). For each circle, write what you're most passionate about in that area. Then honestly assess: which of these passions would bore or alienate people in your other circles? Create a strategy for sharing each passion only with people who can connect with it.
Consider:
- •Notice which passions you've been oversharing with the wrong audiences
- •Identify people in your life who might be doing this same thing to you
- •Consider how this affects your relationships when passion-sharing goes wrong
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when your excitement about something important to you was met with indifference or eye-rolls. How did that feel, and how might you handle it differently now?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 8: When Anger Serves Justice
Smith now turns to examine the darker side of human emotion—those antisocial passions that don't just fail to connect us with others, but actively drive us apart. What happens when our feelings become truly destructive?




