Summary
Smith explores a fundamental truth about human nature: we're naturally better at feeling others' pain than sharing their happiness. While we notice sympathy with sorrow more (it's literally what the word originally meant), our sympathy with joy actually runs deeper when envy isn't involved. The key insight is that pain naturally overwhelms us more than pleasure elevates us - misery can drag us far below our normal state, while happiness can only lift us so high above it. This creates an asymmetry in how we relate to others' experiences. When someone suffers, we struggle to match their intensity of feeling, but we forgive this gap because we understand how hard it is to control grief. When someone celebrates, we expect them to tone it down to our level because joy seems easier to manage. Smith reveals why we admire people who stay calm during disasters (like the stoic Cato facing death) more than those who stay humble during success. The chapter explains everyday social dynamics: why we hide tears at movies but freely laugh, why funeral behavior feels forced while wedding joy feels genuine, why complaining feels shameful while celebrating (without envy) feels natural. Smith argues this isn't a flaw in human nature but a feature - we're designed to help others through pain, not necessarily to amplify their pleasure.
Coming Up in Chapter 12
Having explored how we connect with others' emotions, Smith turns to examine what drives our deepest social ambitions - the hunger for status and recognition that shapes entire societies. He'll reveal why we crave the approval of strangers more than the love of family.
Share it with friends
An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
That though our sympathy with sorrow is generally a more lively sensation than our sympathy with joy, it commonly falls much more short of the violence of what is naturally felt by the person principally concerned. Our sympathy with sorrow, though not more real, has been more taken notice of than our sympathy with joy. The word sympathy, in its most proper and primitive signification, denotes our fellow-feeling with the sufferings, not that with the enjoyments, of others. A late ingenious and subtile philosopher thought it necessary to prove, by arguments, that we had a real sympathy with joy, and that congratulation was a principle of human nature. Nobody, I believe, ever thought it necessary to prove that compassion was such. First of all, our sympathy with sorrow is, in some sense, more universal than that with joy. Though 65sorrow is excessive, we may still have some fellow-feeling with it. What we feel does not, indeed, in this case, amount to that complete sympathy, to that perfect harmony and correspondence of sentiments which constitutes approbation. We do not weep, and exclaim, and lament, with the sufferer. We are sensible, on the contrary, of his weakness, and of the extravagance of his passion, and yet often feel a very sensible concern upon his account. But if we do not entirely enter into, and go along with, the joy of another, we have no sort of regard or fellow-feeling for it. The man who skips and dances about with that intemperate and senseless joy which we cannot accompany him in, is the object of our contempt and indignation. Pain besides, whether of mind or body, is a more pungent sensation than pleasure, and our sympathy with pain, though it falls greatly short of what is naturally felt by the sufferer, is generally a more lively and distinct perception than our sympathy with pleasure, though this last often approaches more nearly, as I shall show immediately, to the natural vivacity of the original passion. Over and above all this, we often struggle to keep down our sympathy with the sorrow of others. Whenever we are not under the observation of the sufferer, we endeavour, for our own sake, to suppress it as much as we can, and we are not always successful. The opposition which we make to it, and the reluctance with which we yield to it, necessarily oblige us to take more particular notice of it. But we never have occasion to make this opposition to our sympathy with joy. If there is any envy in the case, 66we never feel the least propensity towards it; and if there is none, we give way to it without any reluctance. On the contrary, as we are always ashamed of our own envy, we often pretend, and sometimes really wish to sympathize with the joy of others, when by that disagreeable sentiment we are disqualified from doing so. We are glad, we say, on account of our neighbour’s good fortune, when in our...
Master this chapter. Complete your experience
Purchase the complete book to access all chapters and support classic literature
As an Amazon Associate, we earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.
Available in paperback, hardcover, and e-book formats
Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Emotional Inequality - Why We're Better at Sharing Pain Than Joy
People naturally connect more deeply with others' suffering than with their happiness, creating an imbalance in how we share experiences.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches you to recognize the natural asymmetry in how humans respond to others' pain versus pleasure.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when you feel more compelled to help someone struggling than to celebrate someone succeeding, and observe how this plays out in your workplace and family dynamics.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Sympathy
In Smith's time, this meant fellow-feeling or sharing someone's emotions, not just pity. It's our natural ability to imagine ourselves in another person's situation and feel what they feel. Smith argues this is the foundation of all moral judgment.
Modern Usage:
We still talk about 'sympathizing' with someone, though now we often mean feeling sorry for them rather than truly sharing their experience.
Approbation
Approval or praise that comes from complete understanding and agreement with someone's feelings or actions. It's not just saying 'good job' - it's genuinely feeling that their response was exactly right for the situation.
Modern Usage:
When we say someone 'handled that perfectly' or 'I would have done the exact same thing' - that's approbation.
Fellow-feeling
The emotional connection we make when we truly understand what someone else is going through. It's deeper than sympathy because it involves actually sharing the emotion, not just recognizing it.
Modern Usage:
This is what happens when you watch someone get embarrassed and you physically cringe, or when someone's laughter becomes contagious.
Extravagance of passion
Emotional reactions that seem over-the-top or inappropriate for the situation. Smith argues we naturally judge when someone's feelings are too intense compared to what caused them.
Modern Usage:
We see this when someone has a meltdown over a minor inconvenience, or celebrates too wildly for a small achievement.
Correspondence of sentiments
When two people feel exactly the same way about something - their emotions match perfectly. This is rare but creates the strongest bonds and moral approval between people.
Modern Usage:
That moment when you and a friend have the exact same reaction to something, or when couples 'just get each other' completely.
Intemperate joy
Happiness or celebration that's too intense or uncontrolled for the situation. Smith notes we're less tolerant of excessive joy than excessive sorrow because joy seems easier to control.
Modern Usage:
The person who won't stop talking about their promotion, or someone who celebrates too loudly in a quiet space.
Characters in This Chapter
The sufferer
The person experiencing pain or sorrow
Represents anyone going through difficulty. Smith shows how we naturally want to help them but struggle to match the intensity of their pain. We forgive them for being overwhelmed because we understand grief is hard to control.
Modern Equivalent:
The coworker going through a divorce who can't focus at work
The joyful person
The person experiencing happiness or success
Represents anyone celebrating good news. Smith reveals how we expect them to tone down their joy to match our level, and we get annoyed if they don't. We're less patient with excessive happiness than excessive sadness.
Modern Equivalent:
The friend who won't stop posting about their vacation on social media
The late ingenious philosopher
An unnamed thinker Smith references
This philosopher had to prove that humans actually do feel joy with others, showing how our sympathy with happiness is less obvious than our sympathy with pain. Smith uses this to highlight how we take compassion for granted but question congratulation.
Modern Equivalent:
The researcher who has to prove that people actually care about others' success
Key Quotes & Analysis
"Our sympathy with sorrow is, in some sense, more universal than that with joy."
Context: Smith is explaining why we notice and discuss sympathy with pain more than sympathy with happiness
This reveals a fundamental truth about human nature - we're naturally wired to respond to others' pain more readily than their pleasure. It explains why bad news spreads faster than good news and why we remember criticism longer than praise.
In Today's Words:
We're all better at feeling bad for someone than feeling good with them.
"If we do not entirely enter into, and go along with, the joy of another, we have no sort of regard or fellow-feeling for it."
Context: Explaining why we're less tolerant of others' excessive happiness than their excessive sadness
This shows why celebrations can feel awkward or annoying when we don't share the same level of excitement. Unlike with sorrow, where we can still care even if we don't fully understand, joy requires us to actually participate or we tune out completely.
In Today's Words:
If someone's happiness doesn't make sense to us, we just don't care about it at all.
"Nobody, I believe, ever thought it necessary to prove that compassion was such."
Context: Contrasting how obvious our sympathy with sorrow is compared to our sympathy with joy
This highlights how naturally we assume humans will help each other in times of trouble, but we question whether people genuinely celebrate others' success. It reveals our deep understanding that pain is universal while joy can be isolating.
In Today's Words:
Everyone knows people will help you when you're down, but apparently someone had to prove we actually celebrate with others.
Thematic Threads
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Smith reveals why relationships feel easier during crises than during celebrations—we're wired to bond over shared struggle
Development
Builds on earlier chapters about sympathy by showing its limits and asymmetries
In Your Life:
You might notice friends being more available during your problems than your victories
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Society expects us to control our joy but forgives uncontrolled grief, creating different rules for different emotions
Development
Extends previous discussions of social approval by showing how it varies by emotional state
In Your Life:
You probably feel pressure to downplay good news but comfortable sharing bad news
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Understanding emotional asymmetry helps us navigate relationships more skillfully and avoid taking others' responses personally
Development
Continues the theme of self-awareness as a tool for better living
In Your Life:
You can grow by recognizing when your emotional expectations of others are unrealistic
Class
In This Chapter
The wealthy often struggle to gain sympathy because their problems seem manageable compared to survival issues
Development
Adds nuance to earlier class discussions by showing how suffering transcends but joy divides social lines
In Your Life:
You might find it harder to sympathize with someone's 'first world problems' when you're facing real hardship
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
According to Smith, why do we naturally feel more comfortable helping someone who's crying than celebrating with someone who's excited?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Smith argue that pain can drag us much lower than happiness can lift us up, and how does this create different social expectations?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see this 'sympathy gap' playing out in your workplace, family, or social media - people rushing to help during crises but being awkward around success?
application • medium - 4
When you achieve something significant, how could you share your joy in a way that brings people closer rather than pushing them away?
application • deep - 5
What does this emotional asymmetry reveal about how humans are designed to survive and support each other as a community?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Track Your Emotional Responses
For the next few days, notice your gut reactions when people share good news versus bad news. Keep a simple mental note: Do you lean in or pull back? Do you ask follow-up questions or change the subject? Do you feel energized or drained? This isn't about judging yourself - it's about recognizing a universal human pattern that Smith identified 250 years ago.
Consider:
- •Notice the difference between your immediate gut reaction and your chosen response
- •Pay attention to how others react when you share your own highs and lows
- •Consider whether the person's news threatens you in any way (job promotion you wanted, relationship success when you're single)
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when someone's good fortune made you feel uncomfortable or distant. What was really going on beneath your reaction? How might you handle a similar situation differently now?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 12: Why We Chase Status and Fear Obscurity
The coming pages reveal people pursue wealth and status beyond basic needs, and teach us society's attention shapes our self-worth and ambitions. These discoveries help us navigate similar situations in our own lives.