Summary
Montaigne reveals his three essential 'commerces' or ways of engaging with life: relationships with people, love affairs with women, and communion with books. He argues against rigidity, advocating instead for flexibility in how we approach different situations and people. While he values deep, authentic friendships, he recognizes the practical need to adapt our communication style to different audiences - speaking simply with servants, intellectually with scholars, warmly with friends. He's learned to be selective about close relationships but warns against becoming so particular that we isolate ourselves from ordinary human connection. His second commerce involves romantic relationships, where he emphasizes the importance of genuine feeling over mere physical attraction or social climbing. His third and most reliable commerce is with books, which provide constant companionship without the complications of human relationships. Montaigne describes his tower study as his sanctuary - a round room where he can see all his books at once, think freely, and retreat from social obligations. He advocates for everyone having such a private space for self-reflection. The chapter ultimately argues for a balanced approach to life: maintaining our authentic selves while adapting to circumstances, seeking meaningful connections while preserving solitude, and finding reliable sources of wisdom and comfort that don't depend on others' moods or availability.
Coming Up in Chapter 97
Having established his three essential relationships with the world, Montaigne turns to examine how we distract ourselves from life's deeper truths and whether such diversions help or harm us.
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An excerpt from the original text.(~500 words)
F THREE COMMERCES We must not rivet ourselves so fast to our humours and complexions: our chiefest sufficiency is to know how to apply ourselves to divers employments. ‘Tis to be, but not to live, to keep a man’s self tied and bound by necessity to one only course; those are the bravest souls that have in them the most variety and pliancy. Of this here is an honourable testimony of the elder Cato: “Huic versatile ingenium sic pariter ad omnia fuit, ut natum ad id unum diceres, quodcumque ageret.” [“His parts were so pliable to all uses, that one would say he had been born only to that which he was doing.”--Livy, xxxix. 49.] Had I liberty to set myself forth after my own mode, there is no so graceful fashion to which I would be so fixed as not to be able to disengage myself from it; life is an unequal, irregular and multiform motion. ‘Tis not to be a friend to one’s self, much less a master ‘tis to be a slave, incessantly to be led by the nose by one’s self, and to be so fixed in one’s previous inclinations, that one cannot turn aside nor writhe one’s neck out of the collar. I say this now in this part of my life, wherein I find I cannot easily disengage myself from the importunity of my soul, which cannot ordinarily amuse itself but in things of limited range, nor employ itself otherwise than entirely and with all its force; upon the lightest subject offered it expands and stretches it to that degree as therein to employ its utmost power; wherefore it is that idleness is to me a very painful labour, and very prejudicial to my health. Most men’s minds require foreign matter to exercise and enliven them; mine has rather need of it to sit still and repose itself, “Vitia otii negotio discutienda sunt,” [“The vices of sloth are to be shaken off by business.” --Seneca, Ep. 56.] for its chiefest and hardest study is to study itself. Books are to it a sort of employment that debauch it from its study. Upon the first thoughts that possess it, it begins to bustle and make trial of its vigour in all directions, exercises its power of handling, now making trial of force, now fortifying, moderating, and ranging itself by the way of grace and order. It has of its own wherewith to rouse its faculties: nature has given to it, as to all others, matter enough of its own to make advantage of, and subjects proper enough where it may either invent or judge. Meditation is a powerful and full study to such as can effectually taste and employ themselves; I had rather fashion my soul than furnish it. There is no employment, either more weak or more strong, than that of entertaining a man’s own thoughts, according as the soul is; the greatest men make it their whole business, “Quibus vivere est cogitare;” [“To...
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Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Three Doors - Building a Balanced Life Portfolio
Sustainable fulfillment requires diversifying emotional investment across relationships, passion, and solitary reflection rather than depending on any single source.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to identify and prevent dangerous emotional over-dependence on single sources of fulfillment.
Practice This Today
This week, notice if you're putting all your emotional energy into one area - work, family, or romance - and consciously develop one small interest or relationship in a different domain.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Commerce
In Montaigne's usage, this means meaningful exchanges or relationships - not just business dealings, but any way we engage deeply with the world. He identifies three types: with people, with romantic partners, and with books.
Modern Usage:
We still talk about having good 'chemistry' or 'connection' with someone, whether in friendship, romance, or even our relationship with hobbies.
Humours and complexions
16th-century belief that personality came from bodily fluids (blood, phlegm, etc.) that determined your temperament. Montaigne uses this to mean our fixed habits and rigid ways of thinking.
Modern Usage:
Today we might say someone is 'set in their ways' or has a 'fixed mindset' - the idea that some people refuse to adapt or change.
Pliancy
Flexibility and adaptability in how you approach different situations and people. Montaigne sees this as a strength - being able to adjust your communication style without losing your core self.
Modern Usage:
We call this 'emotional intelligence' or 'code-switching' - knowing how to talk to your boss differently than your best friend.
The tower study
Montaigne's private round room in his castle tower, lined with books, where he could think and write in solitude. It represents the importance of having space for self-reflection.
Modern Usage:
Like having a 'man cave,' 'she shed,' or just a corner of your bedroom that's yours alone - somewhere to decompress and think.
Particular friendship
Montaigne's term for deep, authentic friendship based on genuine understanding and mutual respect, as opposed to casual social connections or relationships of convenience.
Modern Usage:
The difference between your 'ride or die' friends and your acquaintances - people who really know you versus people you just hang out with sometimes.
Characters in This Chapter
Cato the Elder
Historical example
Roman statesman Montaigne admires for his adaptability - able to excel at whatever task he took on. Represents the ideal of flexibility without losing your core character.
Modern Equivalent:
The coworker who's equally good with customers, management, and new trainees
Montaigne
Narrator/protagonist
Reflects on his own three ways of engaging with life, admits his struggles with being too particular about relationships, and describes his need for solitude and books as reliable companions.
Modern Equivalent:
The thoughtful friend who's learned to balance social time with alone time
Key Quotes & Analysis
"Life is an unequal, irregular and multiform motion."
Context: Explaining why we need flexibility rather than rigid approaches to living
This captures Montaigne's core insight that life constantly changes and throws us curveballs. If we're too set in our ways, we'll struggle when circumstances shift. Adaptability isn't weakness - it's wisdom.
In Today's Words:
Life is messy and unpredictable, so you've got to roll with it.
"We must not rivet ourselves so fast to our humours and complexions."
Context: Opening argument against being too rigid in our habits and personality
Montaigne warns against becoming so locked into our patterns that we can't adapt to new situations. He's not saying change who you are, but don't let your personality become a prison.
In Today's Words:
Don't get so stuck in your ways that you can't adjust when you need to.
"Those are the bravest souls that have in them the most variety and pliancy."
Context: Praising adaptability as a form of courage
Montaigne reframes flexibility as bravery rather than weakness. It takes courage to step outside your comfort zone and adapt to new people and situations while staying true to yourself.
In Today's Words:
The strongest people are the ones who can handle different situations without losing themselves.
Thematic Threads
Adaptability
In This Chapter
Montaigne adjusts his communication style for different people while maintaining his authentic core
Development
Builds on earlier themes of self-knowledge by showing how authenticity can coexist with social flexibility
In Your Life:
You might code-switch between professional language at work and casual talk with friends without feeling fake
Solitude
In This Chapter
His tower study serves as essential sanctuary for self-reflection and intellectual communion with books
Development
Introduced here as a necessary complement to social engagement rather than escape from it
In Your Life:
You might desperately need alone time to recharge but feel guilty about wanting space from family or friends
Balance
In This Chapter
Three distinct 'commerces' prevent over-dependence on any single source of fulfillment
Development
Evolves from earlier self-examination to practical life structure
In Your Life:
You might notice feeling devastated when one area of life goes wrong because you've invested everything there
Selectivity
In This Chapter
Being choosy about deep relationships while remaining open to ordinary human connection
Development
Builds on themes of self-knowledge to show practical application in relationship choices
In Your Life:
You might struggle with being too picky about friends versus settling for surface-level connections
Authenticity
In This Chapter
Maintaining genuine self while adapting communication style to different situations and people
Development
Deepens earlier exploration of self-knowledge by showing how to apply it socially
In Your Life:
You might worry that adjusting your behavior for different people makes you fake or manipulative
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
Montaigne describes three 'commerces' or ways of engaging with life. What are they, and why does he think having all three matters more than excelling at just one?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Montaigne adapt his communication style with different people - speaking simply with servants, intellectually with scholars - while still staying true to himself? What's the difference between adapting and being fake?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see people today putting all their emotional energy into just one area of life - work, family, or hobbies - and what usually happens when that one thing gets disrupted?
application • medium - 4
Montaigne says everyone needs a private sanctuary for reflection, even if it's just a corner of a room. How would you create your own 'tower study' given your current living situation and schedule?
application • deep - 5
What does Montaigne's approach to balancing solitude and connection teach us about sustainable happiness? Why might putting everything into relationships be just as dangerous as complete isolation?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Design Your Three-Door Life
Draw three doors on paper and label them: People, Passion, and Private Space. Under each door, list what currently fills that area of your life and rate how satisfied you are (1-10). Then identify one specific action you could take this week to strengthen whichever door feels weakest. This isn't about perfection - it's about balance.
Consider:
- •Notice if you're pouring 80% of your energy into one door while neglecting the others
- •Consider how different people require different communication styles, but your core values stay the same
- •Think about what 'private space' means for your situation - it might be time, not physical space
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you lost yourself by investing everything in one relationship, job, or goal. What would you do differently now, knowing Montaigne's three-door approach?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 97: The Art of Diversion
Having established his three essential relationships with the world, Montaigne turns to examine how we distract ourselves from life's deeper truths and whether such diversions help or harm us.
