Evelina, Or, the History of a Young Lady's Entrance into the World

VELINA TO THE REV. MR. VILLARS Queen Ann Street, Thursday morning,
April 14.

BEFORE our dinner was over yesterday Madame Duval came to tea; though
it will lessen your surprise, to hear that it was near five o'clock,
for we never dine till the day is almost over. She was asked into
another room while the table was cleared, and then was invited to
partake of the dessert.

She was attended by a French gentleman, whom she introduced by the
name of Monsieur Du Bois: Mrs. Mirvan received them both with her
usual politeness; but the Captain looked very much displeased; and
after a short silence, very sternly said to Madame Duval, "Pray who
asked you to bring that there spark with you?"

"O," cried she, "I never go no where without him."

Another short silence ensued, which was terminated by the Captain's
turning roughly to the foreigner, and saying, "Do you know, Monseer,
that you are the first Frenchman I ever let come into my house?"

Monsieur Du Bois made a profound bow. He speaks no English, and
understands it so imperfectly, that he might possibly imagine he had
received a compliment.

Mrs. Mirvan endeavourd to divert the Captain's ill-humour,
by starting new subjects: but he left to her all the trouble of
supporting them, and leant back in his chair in gloomy silence,
except when any opportunity offered of uttering some sarcasm upon
the French. Finding her efforts to render the evening agreeable were
fruitless, Mrs. Mirvan proposed a party to Ranelagh. Madame Duval
joyfully consented to it; and the Captain though he railed against
the dissipation of the women, did not oppose it; and therefore Maria
and I ran up stairs to dress ourselves.

Before we were ready, word was brought us that Sir Clement Willoughby
was in the drawing-room. He introduced himself under the pretence
of inquiring after all our healths, and entered the room with the
easy air of an old acquaintance; though Mrs. Mirvan confessed that
he seemed embarrassed when he found how coldly he was received,
not only by the Captain, but by herself.

I was extremely disconcerted at the thoughts of seeing this man again,
and did not go downstairs till I was called to tea. He was then
deeply engaged in a discourse upon French manners with Madame Duval
and the Captain; and the subject seemed so entirely to engross him,
that he did not, at first, observe my entrance into the room. Their
conversation was supported with great vehemence; the Captain roughly
maintaining the superiority of the English in every particular,
and Madame Duval warmly refusing to allow of it in any; while Sir
Clement exerted all his powers of argument and of ridicule, to second
and strengthen whatever was advanced by the Captain: for he had the
sagacity to discover, that he could take no method so effectual for
making the master of the house his friend, as to make Madame Duval his
enemy; and indeed, in a very short time, he had reason to congratulate
himself upon his successful discernment.

As soon as he saw me, he made a most respectful bow, and hoped I had
not suffered from the fatigue of the ridotto: I made no other answer
than a slight inclination of the head, for I was very much ashamed
of that whole affair. He then returned to the disputants; where he
managed the argument so skilfully, at once provoking Madame Duval,
and delighting the Captain, that I could not forbear admiring his
address, though I condemned his subtlety. Mrs. Mirvan, dreading such
violent antagonists, attempted frequently to change the subject; and
she might have succeeded, but for the interposition of Sir Clement,
who would not suffer it to be given up, and supported it with such
humour and satire, that he seems to have won the Captain's heart;
though their united forces so enraged and overpowered Madame Duval,
that she really trembled with passion.

I was very glad when Mrs. Mirvan said it was time to be gone. Sir
Clement arose to take leave; but the Captain very cordially invited
him to join our party: he had an engagement, he said, but would give
it up to have that pleasure.

Some little confusion ensued in regard to our manner of setting
off. Mrs. Mirvan offered Madame Duval a place in her coach, and
proposed that we four females should go all together; however, this
she rejected, declaring she would by no means go so far without a
gentleman, and wondering so polite a lady could make so English a
proposal. Sir Clement Willoughby said, his chariot was waiting at
the door, and begged to know if it could be of any use. It was at
last decided, that a hackney-coach should be called for Monsieur Du
Bois and Madame Duval, in which the Captain, and, at his request,
Sir Clement, went also; Mrs. and Miss Mirvan and I had a peaceful
and comfortable ride by ourselves.

I doubt not but they quarrelled all the way; for when we met at
Ranelagh every one seemed out of humour; and though we joined parties,
poor Madame Duval was avoided as much as possible by all but me.

The room was so very much crowded, that but for the uncommon assiduity
of Sir Clement Willoughby, we should not have been able to procure
a box (which is the name given to the arched recesses that are
appropriated for tea-parties) till half the company had retired. As
we were taking possession of our places, some ladies of Mrs. Mirvan's
acquaintance stopped to speak to her, and persuaded her to take a
round with them. When she returned to us, what was my surprise, to
see that Lord Orville had joined her party! The ladies walked on:
Mrs. Mirvan seated herself, and made a slight, though respectful,
invitation to Lord Orville to drink his tea with us; which, to my no
small consternation, he accepted.

I felt a confusion unspeakable at again seeing him, from the
recollection of the ridotto adventure: nor did my situation lessen it;
for I was seated between Madame Duval and Sir Clement, who seemed
as little as myself to desire Lord Orville's presence. Indeed, the
continual wrangling and ill-breeding of Captain Mirvan and Madame
Duval made me blush that I belonged to them. And poor Mrs. Mirvan
and her amiable daughter had still less reason to be satisfied.

A general silence ensued after he was seated: his appearance, from
different motives, gave an universal restraint to every body. What his
own reasons were for honouring us with his company, I cannot imagine;
unless, indeed, he had a curiosity to know whether I should invent
any new impertinence concerning him.

The first speech was made by Madame Duval, who said, "It's quite a
shocking thing to see ladies come to so genteel a place as Ranelagh
with hats on; it has a monstrous vulgar look: I can't think what they
wear them for. There is no such a thing to be seen in Paris."

"Indeed," cried Sir Clement, "I must own myself no advocate for
hats; I am sorry the ladies ever invented or adopted so tantalizing
a fashion: for, where there is beauty, they only serve to shade it;
and, where there is none, to excite a most unavailing curiosity. I
fancy they were originally worn by some young and whimsical coquette."

"More likely," answered the Captain, "they were invented by some
wrinkled old hag, who'd a mind for to keep the young fellows in chace,
let them be never so weary."

"I don't know what you may do in England," cried Madame Duval, "but
I know in Paris no woman needn't be at such a trouble as that to be
taken very genteel notice of."

"Why, will you pretend for to say," returned the Captain, "that they
don't distinguish the old from the young there as well as here?"

"They don't make no distinguishments at all," said she; "they're
vastly too polite."

"More fools they!" cried the Captain, sneeringly.

"Would to Heaven," cried, Sir Clement, "that, for our own sakes,
we Englishmen too were blest with so accommodating a blindness!"

"Why the devil do you make such a prayer as that?" demanded the
Captain: "them are the first foolish words I've heard you speak;
but I suppose you're not much used to that sort of work. Did you ever
make a prayer before, since you were a sniveler?"

"Ay, now," cried Madame Duval, "that's another of the unpolitenesses
of you English, to go to talking of such things as that: now in Paris
nobody never says nothing about religion, no more than about politics."

"Why then," answered he, "it's a sign they take no more care of
their souls than of their country, and so both one and t'other go to
old Nick."

"Well, if they do," said she, "who's the worse, so long as they don't
say nothing about it? It's the tiresomest thing in the world to be
always talking of them sort of things, and nobody that's ever been
abroad troubles their heads about them."

"Pray then," cried the Captain, "since you know so much of the matter,
be so good as to tell us what they do trouble their heads about?-Hey,
Sir Clement! han't we a right to know that much?"

"A very comprehensive question," said Sir Clement, "and I expect much
instruction from the lady's answer."

"Come, Madam," continued the Captain, "never flinch; speak at once;
don't stop for thinking."

"I assure you I am not going," answered she; "for as to what they
do do, why they've enough to do, I promise you, what with one thing
or another."

"But what, what do they do, these famous Monseers?" demanded the
Captain; "can't you tell us? do they game?-or drink?-or fiddle?-or are
they jockeys?-or do they spend all their time in flummering old women?"

"As to that, Sir-but indeed I shan't trouble myself to answer such a
parcel of low questions, so don't ask me no more about it." And then,
to my great vexation, turning to Lord Orville, she said, "Pray, Sir,
was you ever in Paris?"

He only bowed.

"And pray, Sir, how did you like it?"

This comprehensive question, as Sir Clement would have called it,
though it made him smile, also made him hesitate; however, his answer
was expressive of his approbation.

"I thought you would like it, Sir, because you look so like a
gentleman. As to the Captain, and as to that other gentleman, why
they may very well not like what they don't know: for I suppose, Sir,
you was never abroad?"

"Only three years, Ma'am," answered Sir Clement, drily.

"Well, that's very surprising! I should never have thought it: however,
I dare say you only kept company with the English."

"Why, pray, who should he keep company with?" cried the Captain:
"what I suppose you'd have him ashamed of his own nation, like some
other people not a thousand miles off, on purpose to make his own
nation ashamed of him?"

"I'm sure it would be a very good thing if you'd go abroad yourself."

"How will you make out that, hey, Madam? come, please to tell me,
where would be the good of that?"

"Where! why a great deal. They'd make quite another person of you."

"What, I suppose you'd have me to learn to cut capers?-and dress like
a monkey?-and palaver in French gibberish?-hey, would you?-And powder,
and daub, and make myself up, like some other folks?"

"I would have you learn to be more politer, Sir, and not to talk to
ladies in such a rude, old-fashion way as this. You, Sir, as have been
in Paris," again addressing herself to Lord Orville, "can tell this
English gentleman how he'd be despised, if he was to talk in such an
ungenteel manner as this before any foreigners. Why, there isn't a
hairdresser, nor a shoemaker, nor nobody, that wouldn't blush to be
in your company."

"Why, look ye, Madam," answered the Captain, "as to your hair-pinchers
and shoe-blacks, you may puff off their manners, and welcome; and I
am heartily glad you like 'em so well: but as to me, since you must
needs make so free of your advice, I must e'en tell you, I never kept
company with any such gentry."

"Come, ladies and gentlemen," said Mrs. Mirvan, "as many of you as have
done tea, I invite to walk with me." Maria and I started up instantly;
Lord Orville followed; and I question whether we were not half round
the room ere the angry disputants knew that we had left the box.

As the husband of Mrs. Mirvan had borne so large a share in
the disagreeable altercation, Lord Orville forbore to make any
comments upon it; so that the subject was immediately dropt, and the
conversation became calmly sociable, and politely cheerful, and, to
every body but me, must have been highly agreeable:-but, as to myself,
I was so eagerly desirous of making some apology to Lord Orville,
for the impertinence of which he must have thought me guilty at the
ridotto, and yet so utterly unable to assume sufficient courage to
speak to him, concerning an affair in which I had so terribly exposed
myself, that I hardly ventured to say a word all the time we were
walking. Besides, the knowledge of his contemptuous opinion haunted and
dispirited me, and made me fear he might possibly misconstrue whatever
I should say. So that, far from enjoying a conversation which might, at
any other time, have delighted me, I continued silent, uncomfortable,
and ashamed. O, Sir, shall I ever again involve myself in so foolish
an embarrassment? I am sure that, if I do, I shall deserve greater
mortification.

We were not joined by the rest of the party till we had taken three
or four turns around the room; and then they were so quarrelsome,
that Mrs. Mirvan complained of being fatigued and proposed going
home. No one dissented. Lord Orville joined another party, having first
made an offer of his services, which the gentlemen declined, and we
proceeded to an outward room, where we waited for the carriages. It
was settled that we should return to town in the same manner we came
to Ranelagh; and, accordingly, Monsieur Du Bois handed Madame Duval
into a hackney coach, and was just preparing to follow her, when she
screamed, and jumped hastily out, declaring she was wet through all
her clothes. Indeed, upon examination the coach was found to be in a
dismal condition; for the weather proved very bad, and the rain had,
though I know not how, made its way into the carriage.

Mrs. and Miss Mirvan, and myself, were already disposed of as before;
but no sooner did the Captain hear this account, than, without any
ceremony, he was so civil as to immediately take possession of the
vacant seat in his own coach, leaving Madame Duval and Monsieur
Du Bois to take care of themselves. As to Sir Clement Willoughby,
his own chariot was in waiting.

I instantly begged permission to offer Madame Duval my own place, and
made a motion to get out; but Mrs. Mirvan stopped me, saying, that
I should then be obliged to return to town with only the foreigner,
or Sir Clement.

"O never mind the old beldame," cried the Captain, "she's
weather-proof, I'll answer for her; and besides, as we are all, I hope,
English, why she'll meet with no worse than she expects from us."

"I do not mean to defend her," said Mrs. Mirvan; "but indeed, as she
belongs to our party, we cannot, with any decency, leave the place
till she is, by some means, accommodated."

"Lord, my dear," cried the Captain, whom the distress of Madame Duval
had put into very good humour, "why, she'll break her heart if she
meets with any civility from a filthy Englishman."

Mrs. Mirvan, however, prevailed; and we all got out of the coach, to
wait till Madame Duval could meet with some better carriage. We found
her, attended by Monsieur Du Bois, standing amongst the servants, and
very busy in wiping her negligee, and endeavouring to save it from
being stained by the wet, as she said it was a new Lyons silk. Sir
Clement Willoughby offered her the use of his chariot, but she had been
too much piqued by his raillery to accept it. We waited some time,
but in vain; for no hackney-coach could be procured. The Captain,
at last, was persuaded to accompany Sir Clement himself, and we four
females were handed into Mrs. Mirvan's carriage, though not before
Madame Duval had insisted upon our making room for Monsieur Du Bois,
to which the Captain only consented in preference to being incommoded
by him in Sir Clement's chariot.

Our party drove off first. We were silent and unsociable; for the
difficulties attending this arrangement had made every one languid
and fatigued. Unsociable, I must own, we continued; but very short
was the duration of our silence, as we had not proceeded thirty yards
before every voice was heard at once-for the coach broke down! I
suppose we concluded, of course, that we were all half killed, by
the violent shrieks that seemed to come from every mouth. The chariot
was stopped, the servants came to our assistance, and we were taken
out of the carriage, without having been at all hurt. The night was
dark and wet; but I had scarce touched the ground when I was lifted
suddenly from it by Sir Clement Willoughby, who begged permission to
assist me, though he did not wait to have it granted, but carried me
in his arms back to Ranelagh.

He enquired very earnestly if I was not hurt by the accident? I assured
him I was perfectly safe, and free from injury; and desired he would
leave me, and return to the rest of the party, for I was very uneasy
to know whether they had been equally fortunate. He told me he was
happy in being honoured with my commands, and would joyfully execute
them; but insisted upon first conducting me to a warm room, as I had
not wholly escaped being wet. He did not regard my objections; but
made me follow him to an apartment, where we found an excellent fire,
and some company waiting for carriages. I readily accepted a seat,
and then begged he would go.

And go, indeed, he did; but he returned in a moment, telling me
that the rain was more violent than ever, and that he had sent his
servants to offer their assistance, and acquaint the Mirvans of my
situation. I was very mad that he would not go himself; but as my
acquaintance with him was so very slight, I did not think proper to
urge him contrary to his inclination.

Well, he drew a chair close to mine; and, after again enquiring how
I did, said, in a low voice, "You will pardon me, Miss Anville, if
the eagerness I feel to vindicate myself, induces me to snatch this
opportunity of making sincere acknowledgments for the impertinence
with which I tormented you at the last ridotto. I can assure you,
Madam, I have been a true and sorrowful penitent ever since; but-shall
I tell you honestly what encouraged me to-"

He stopt, but I said nothing; for I thought instantly of the
conversation Miss Mirvan had overheard, and supposed he was going to
tell me himself what part Lord Orville had borne in it; and really
I did not wish to hear it repeated. Indeed, the rest of his speech
convinces me that such was his intention; with what view I know not,
except to make a merit of his defending me.

"And yet," he continued, "my excuse may only expose my own credulity,
and want of judgment and penetration. I will, therefore, merely
beseech your pardon, and hope that some future time-"

Just then the door was opened by Sir Clement's servant, and I had the
pleasure of seeing the Captain, Mrs. and Miss Mirvan, enter the room.

"O ho!" cried the former, "you have got a good warm berth here; but
we shall beat up your quarters. Here, Lucy, Moll, come to the fire,
and dry your trumpery. But, hey-day-why, where's old Madame French?"

"Good God," cried I, "is not Madame Duval then with you?"

"With me! No,-thank God."

I was very uneasy to know what might have become of her; and, if they
would have suffered me, I should have gone in search of her myself;
but all the servants were dispatched to find her; and the Captain said,
we might be very sure her French beau would take care of her.

We waited some time without any tidings, and were soon the only party
in the room. My uneasiness increased so much that Sir Clement now
made a voluntary offer of seeking her. However, the same moment that
he opened the door with this design, she presented herself at it,
attended by Monsieur Du Bois.

"I was this instant, Madam," said he, "coming to see for you."

"You are mighty good, truly," cried she, "to come when all the
mischief's over."

She then entered,-in such a condition!-entirely covered with mud,
and in so great a rage, it was with difficulty she could speak. We all
expressed our concern, and offered our assistance-except the Captain,
who no sooner beheld her than he burst out into a loud laugh.

We endeavoured, by our enquiries and condolements, to prevent her
attending to him; and she was for some time so wholly engrossed by her
anger and her distress, that we succeeded without much trouble. We
begged her to inform us how this accident happened. "How!" repeated
she,-"why it was all along of your all going away,-and there poor
Monsieur Du Bois-but it wasn't his fault,-for he's as bad off as me."

All eyes were then turned to Monsieur Du Bois, whose clothes were in
the same miserable plight with those of Madame Duval; and who, wet,
shivering, and disconsolate, had crept to the fire.

The Captain laughed yet more heartily; while Mrs. Mirvan, ashamed of
his rudeness, repeated her inquiries to Madame Duval; who answered,
"Why, as we were a-coming along, all in the rain, Monsieur Du Bois
was so obliging, though I'm sure it was an unlucky obligingness
for me, as to lift me up in his arms to carry me over a place that
was ankle-deep in mud; but instead of my being ever the better for
it, just as we were in the worst part,-I'm sure I wish we had been
fifty miles off,-for somehow or other his foot slipt,-at least, I
suppose so,-though I can't think how it happened, for I'm so such
great weight;-but, however that was, down we both came, together,
all in the mud; and the more we tried to get up, the more deeper we
got covered with the nastiness-and my new Lyons negligee, too, quite
spoilt!-however, it's well we got up at all, for we might have laid
there till now, for aught you all cared; nobody never came near us."

This recital put the Captain into an ecstasy; he went from the lady to
the gentleman, and from the gentleman to the lady, to enjoy alternately
the sight of their distress. He really shouted with pleasure; and,
shaking Monsieur Du Bois strenuously by the hand, wished him joy of
having touched English ground; and then he held a candle to Madame
Duval, that he might have a more complete view of her disaster,
declaring repeatedly, that he had never been better pleased in
his life.

The rage of poor Madame Duval was unspeakable; she dashed the candle
out of his hand, stamping upon the floor, and, at last, spat in
his face.

This action seemed immediately to calm them both, as the joy of the
Captain was converted into resentment, and the wrath of Madame Duval
into fear: for he put his hands upon her shoulders, and gave her
so violent a shake, that she screamed out for help; assuring her,
at the same time, that if she had been one ounce less old, or less
ugly, she should have had it all returned in her own face.

Monsieur Du Bois, who had seated himself very quietly at the fire,
approached them, and expostulated very warmly with the Captain;
but he was neither understood nor regarded; and Madame Duval was not
released till she quite sobbed with passion.

When they were parted, I intreated her to permit the woman who has
charge of the ladies' cloaks to assist in drying her clothes; she
consented, and we did what was possible to save her from catching
cold. We were obliged to wait in this disagreeable situation near an
hour before a hackney-coach could be found; and then we were disposed
in the same manner as before our accident.

I am going this morning to see poor Madame Duval, and to inquire after
her health, which I think must have suffered by her last night's
misfortunes; though, indeed, she seems to be naturally strong and
hearty.

Adieu, my dear Sir, till to-morrow.