Summary
When Everything Feels Against You
Dark Night of the Soul by Saint John of the Cross
Paradoxically, the soul becomes more capable precisely when it feels most helpless. This isn't just sadness or doubt—it's a profound sense that God himself has turned away, that you've somehow set yourself against everything good and holy. The person experiencing this feels dirty, unworthy, and convinced they'll never escape this darkness. Even worse, they feel cut off from everyone around them, believing that friends and family see them as contemptible. John compares this to sensing 'the shadow and scent of death' and experiencing something like hell itself. This chapter matters because it validates the most intense spiritual suffering many people experience but rarely discuss. John isn't describing clinical depression or mental illness, but rather a specific type of crisis that can occur during profound personal growth. He suggests this overwhelming sense of being against God and abandoned by everyone is actually part of a purification process. The terror that 'this will last forever' is precisely what makes this stage so difficult to endure. By naming these feelings so precisely, John helps readers understand that such experiences, while genuinely painful, can be temporary waypoints rather than permanent destinations. This knowledge can be crucial for anyone going through major life transitions or spiritual questioning.
Coming Up in Chapter 23
After exploring the depths of spiritual abandonment, John will reveal how the soul begins to find its way through this darkness and what signs indicate the worst may be passing.
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An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 123 words)
Of other pains which afflict the soul in this state. In addition to what has been said, the soul feels itself so unclean and miserable that it thinks that God is against it, and that it has set itself up against God. This causes it such pain and grief that when God is purging the soul with this purgative contemplation, it feels the shadow and scent of death and the pains of hell. All this and more the soul feels in this state; for it feels a dreadful fear that it will be thus forever. It has also the same sense of abandonment with respect to all creatures, and that it is an object of contempt to all, and especially to its friends.
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Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Rock Bottom - When Everything Feels Lost
The temporary but intense experience of feeling fundamentally worthless and abandoned during major life transitions.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to distinguish between legitimate self-reflection and destructive shame that lies about your permanent worth.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when self-criticism shifts from 'I made a mistake' to 'I am a mistake'—that's the spiral starting, and you can interrupt it.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Purgative contemplation
A spiritual process where God purifies the soul through intense suffering and darkness. It's like being stripped of all comfort and certainty to make room for deeper growth. This isn't punishment but preparation.
Modern Usage:
We see this in therapy breakthroughs, addiction recovery, or major life transitions where everything feels worse before it gets better.
Dark night
A period of spiritual dryness and abandonment where God feels completely absent. The soul loses all sense of divine presence and feels utterly alone. This is temporary but feels eternal while you're in it.
Modern Usage:
Today we might call this an existential crisis, quarter-life crisis, or that feeling when everything you believed in seems meaningless.
Purification
The painful process of being cleansed of attachments and false comforts. Like cleaning an infected wound, it hurts but removes what's preventing healing. The pain serves a purpose.
Modern Usage:
This shows up in detox programs, ending toxic relationships, or facing hard truths about yourself that ultimately make you stronger.
Abandonment
The feeling that God has completely withdrawn support and presence. The soul feels rejected by the divine and cut off from all spiritual comfort. It's isolation at the deepest level.
Modern Usage:
We experience this when we feel totally alone in our struggles, like no one understands or cares about what we're going through.
Contempt
The belief that others see you as worthless or disgusting. During this crisis, the soul feels that friends and family view them with scorn or pity. This perception may not match reality.
Modern Usage:
This is the shame spiral where you're convinced everyone is judging you, talking about you behind your back, or seeing your failures.
Shadow of death
A metaphor for the overwhelming despair that makes the soul feel like it's dying or already dead. It's not physical death but the death of everything that once gave meaning.
Modern Usage:
This is that crushing depression where you feel like you're just going through the motions, like the real you has died inside.
Characters in This Chapter
The Soul
Protagonist in crisis
The soul is experiencing the deepest point of spiritual suffering, feeling abandoned by God and contemptible to others. It's convinced this darkness will last forever and struggles with overwhelming shame and isolation.
Modern Equivalent:
Someone going through a severe depression or life crisis
God
Absent presence
God appears to have turned away from the soul, creating the central crisis of abandonment. However, John suggests this apparent absence is actually God working through purification, though the soul can't perceive this.
Modern Equivalent:
The universe or life itself when everything goes wrong at once
Friends
Perceived judges
The soul believes its friends view it with contempt and have withdrawn their support. This may be more about the soul's perception than reality, but it deepens the sense of isolation.
Modern Equivalent:
Family and friends who seem to have given up on you
Key Quotes & Analysis
"The soul feels itself so unclean and miserable that it thinks that God is against it, and that it has set itself up against God."
Context: Describing the soul's perception during the dark night crisis
This captures the core delusion of the dark night - feeling not just abandoned by God but actively opposed to God. The soul believes it has somehow made itself God's enemy, creating unbearable guilt and shame.
In Today's Words:
You feel so messed up and worthless that you're convinced the universe is working against you, and it's all your fault.
"It feels the shadow and scent of death and the pains of hell."
Context: Explaining the intensity of suffering during purification
John uses visceral imagery to show this isn't just sadness but something that feels life-threatening. The 'scent of death' suggests something rotting inside, while 'pains of hell' indicates unbearable torment.
In Today's Words:
It feels like you're dying inside and experiencing your own personal hell.
"It has also the same sense of abandonment with respect to all creatures, and that it is an object of contempt to all, and especially to its friends."
Context: Describing how the crisis affects all relationships
The abandonment isn't just spiritual but social. The soul feels rejected by everyone, especially those closest to them. This isolation compounds the spiritual crisis and makes recovery seem impossible.
In Today's Words:
You feel like everyone has given up on you, especially the people who used to care about you most.
Thematic Threads
Identity Crisis
In This Chapter
Complete collapse of self-worth and sense of place in the world
Development
Deepest exploration yet of how spiritual growth can feel like destruction
In Your Life:
You might recognize this during major transitions when you question everything about yourself
Isolation
In This Chapter
Feeling cut off from everyone, convinced they see you as contemptible
Development
Shows how spiritual crisis creates social disconnection beyond earlier chapters
In Your Life:
You might withdraw from friends and family when you're struggling, making everything worse
Shame
In This Chapter
Feeling dirty, unworthy, and fundamentally flawed as a person
Development
Reveals shame as the core emotion driving the spiritual crisis
In Your Life:
You might experience this after making mistakes or facing public failures
Permanence Illusion
In This Chapter
Conviction that this darkness will last forever and never improve
Development
Introduces how crisis distorts time perception and hope
In Your Life:
You might feel trapped in current problems, unable to imagine they could change
Hidden Growth
In This Chapter
John suggests this terrible experience is actually purification in disguise
Development
First hint that the dark night serves a constructive purpose
In Your Life:
You might find that your worst periods later prove to have been necessary for growth
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
John describes feeling completely abandoned by God and worthless. What specific feelings and thoughts does he say characterize this deepest point of spiritual crisis?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does John suggest this experience of feeling 'against God' and abandoned by everyone is actually part of a purification process rather than a permanent state?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see this pattern of 'Dark Night Crisis' - feeling fundamentally broken and convinced everyone sees you as a failure - showing up in modern life?
application • medium - 4
If someone you cared about was experiencing this kind of identity collapse and shame spiral, what specific steps would you suggest they take to navigate through it?
application • deep - 5
What does this chapter reveal about how humans respond when their core story about themselves gets shattered by major life changes?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Map Your Identity Story
Think about the story you tell yourself about who you are - your roles, values, and what makes you 'you'. Write down 5-7 key elements of this identity story. Then consider: what would happen if one or more of these elements suddenly disappeared? How would you feel about yourself? What new story might you need to build?
Consider:
- •Notice which parts of your identity feel most fragile or dependent on external circumstances
- •Consider how losing one element might actually reveal strengths you didn't know you had
- •Think about people you know who've rebuilt their identity after major losses - what did they do?
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when something you thought was permanent about your life suddenly changed. How did it feel to lose that piece of your identity? What did you discover about yourself in the process of rebuilding?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 23: Why Darkness Leads to Light
What lies ahead teaches us difficult periods can actually prepare you for better things, and shows us letting go of attachments creates more freedom, not less. These patterns appear in literature and life alike.