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Alice Adams - The Weight of Expectations

Booth Tarkington

Alice Adams

The Weight of Expectations

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The Weight of Expectations

Alice Adams by Booth Tarkington

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Mr. Lamb, Adams's elderly employer, visits the recovering patient with characteristic warmth and generosity. The dignified old gentleman, dressed in his timeless style, reassures Adams that his job will wait as long as needed for his full recovery. Adams basks in the attention from such an important man, seeing it as validation of his worth and place in the world. His spirits soar after the visit, and he grows stronger, even coming downstairs for dinner. Meanwhile, Alice has prepared the house with flowers and dressed carefully, ostensibly for her father's recovery but actually hoping Arthur Russell might visit. When Russell finally arrives, their conversation crackles with wit and mutual attraction. Alice playfully mocks his cousin Mildred while revealing her own insecurities about social position. Russell asks her to attend Henrietta Lamb's upcoming dance with him, but Alice refuses, claiming her father's illness prevents her from going. The real reason—her family's financial situation makes attending such events problematic—remains unspoken. Mrs. Adams, eavesdropping from upstairs, recognizes the pain in her daughter's voice and grows angry at their circumstances. The chapter reveals the cruel irony of Adams's situation: while his employer's kindness sustains his dignity and hope, the very social world that employer represents remains largely closed to Adams's family, trapping Alice between her desires and her reality.

Coming Up in Chapter 13

Mrs. Adams's anger over Alice's sacrifice reaches a boiling point, leading to a confrontation that will force the family to face hard truths about their situation and consider desperate measures for change.

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An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 5587 words)

T

he fine old gentleman revealed when she opened the door was probably
the last great merchant in America to wear the chin beard. White as
white frost, it was trimmed short with exquisite precision, while his
upper lip and the lower expanses of his cheeks were clean and rosy from
fresh shaving. With this trim white chin beard, the white waistcoat,
the white tie, the suit of fine gray cloth, the broad and brilliantly
polished black shoes, and the wide-brimmed gray felt hat, here was a
man who had found his style in the seventies of the last century, and
thenceforth kept it. Files of old magazines of that period might show
him, in woodcut, as, “Type of Boston Merchant”; Nast might have drawn
him as an honest statesman. He was eighty, hale and sturdy, not aged;
and his quick blue eyes, still unflecked, and as brisk as a boy's, saw
everything.

“Well, well, well!” he said, heartily. “You haven't lost any of your
good looks since last week, I see, Miss Alice, so I guess I'm to take
it you haven't been worrying over your daddy. The young feller's getting
along all right, is he?”

“He's much better; he's sitting up, Mr. Lamb. Won't you come in?”

“Well, I don't know but I might.” He turned to call toward twin disks of
light at the curb, “Be out in a minute, Billy”; and the silhouette of a
chauffeur standing beside a car could be seen to salute in response, as
the old gentleman stepped into the hall. “You don't suppose your daddy's
receiving callers yet, is he?”

“He's a good deal stronger than he was when you were here last week, but
I'm afraid he's not very presentable, though.”

“'Presentable?'” The old man echoed her jovially. “Pshaw! I've seen lots
of sick folks. I know what they look like and how they love to kind of
nest in among a pile of old blankets and wrappers. Don't you worry about
THAT, Miss Alice, if you think he'd like to see me.”

“Of course he would--if----” Alice hesitated; then said quickly, “Of
course he'd love to see you and he's quite able to, if you care to come
up.”

She ran up the stairs ahead of him, and had time to snatch the crocheted
wrap from her father's shoulders. Swathed as usual, he was sitting
beside a table, reading the evening paper; but when his employer
appeared in the doorway he half rose as if to come forward in greeting.

“Sit still!” the old gentleman shouted. “What do you mean? Don't you
know you're weak as a cat? D'you think a man can be sick as long as you
have and NOT be weak as a cat? What you trying to do the polite with ME
for?”

Adams gratefully protracted the handshake that accompanied these
inquiries. “This is certainly mighty fine of you, Mr. Lamb,” he said.
“I guess Alice has told you how much our whole family appreciate your
coming here so regularly to see how this old bag o' bones was getting
along. Haven't you, Alice?”

“Yes, papa,” she said; and turned to go out, but Lamb checked her.

“Stay right here, Miss Alice; I'm not even going to sit down. I know
how it upsets sick folks when people outside the family come in for the
first time.”

“You don't upset me,” Adams said. “I'll feel a lot better for getting a
glimpse of you, Mr. Lamb.”

The visitor's laugh was husky, but hearty and re-assuring, like his
voice in speaking. “That's the way all my boys blarney me, Miss Alice,”
he said. “They think I'll make the work lighter on 'em if they can
get me kind of flattered up. You just tell your daddy it's no use; he
doesn't get on MY soft side, pretending he likes to see me even when
he's sick.”

“Oh, I'm not so sick any more,” Adams said. “I expect to be back in my
place ten days from now at the longest.”

“Well, now, don't hurry it, Virgil; don't hurry it. You take your time;
take your time.”

This brought to Adams's lips a feeble smile not lacking in a kind of
vanity, as feeble. “Why?” he asked. “I suppose you think my department
runs itself down there, do you?”

His employer's response was another husky laugh. “Well, well, well!” he
cried, and patted Adams's shoulder with a strong pink hand. “Listen to
this young feller, Miss Alice, will you! He thinks we can't get along
without him a minute! Yes, sir, this daddy of yours believes the whole
works 'll just take and run down if he isn't there to keep 'em wound up.
I always suspected he thought a good deal of himself, and now I know he
does!”

Adams looked troubled. “Well, I don't like to feel that my salary's
going on with me not earning it.”

“Listen to him, Miss Alice! Wouldn't you think, now, he'd let me be the
one to worry about that? Why, on my word, if your daddy had his way, I
wouldn't be anywhere. He'd take all my worrying and everything else off
my shoulders and shove me right out of Lamb and Company! He would!”

“It seems to me I've been soldiering on you a pretty long while, Mr.
Lamb,” the convalescent said, querulously. “I don't feel right about it;
but I'll be back in ten days. You'll see.”

The old man took his hand in parting. “All right; we'll see, Virgil. Of
course we do need you, seriously speaking; but we don't need you so bad
we'll let you come down there before you're fully fit and able.” He went
to the door. “You hear, Miss Alice? That's what I wanted to make the old
feller understand, and what I want you to kind of enforce on him. The
old place is there waiting for him, and it'd wait ten years if it took
him that long to get good and well. You see that he remembers it, Miss
Alice!”

She went down the stairs with him, and he continued to impress this upon
her until he had gone out of the front door. And even after that, the
husky voice called back from the darkness, as he went to his car, “Don't
forget, Miss Alice; let him take his own time. We always want him, but
we want him to get good and well first. Good-night, good-night, young
lady!”

When she closed the door her mother came from the farther end of the
“living-room,” where there was no light; and Alice turned to her.

“I can't help liking that old man, mama,” she said. “He always sounds
so--well, so solid and honest and friendly! I do like him.”

But Mrs. Adams failed in sympathy upon this point. “He didn't say
anything about raising your father's salary, did he?” she asked, dryly.

“No.”

“No. I thought not.”

She would have said more, but Alice, indisposed to listen, began to
whistle, ran up the stairs, and went to sit with her father. She found
him bright-eyed with the excitement a first caller brings into a slow
convalescence: his cheeks showed actual hints of colour; and he was
smiling tremulously as he filled and lit his pipe. She brought the
crocheted scarf and put it about his shoulders again, then took a chair
near him.

“I believe seeing Mr. Lamb did do you good, papa,” she said. “I sort of
thought it might, and that's why I let him come up. You really look a
little like your old self again.”

Adams exhaled a breathy “Ha!” with the smoke from his pipe as he waved
the match to extinguish it. “That's fine,” he said. “The smoke I had
before dinner didn't taste the way it used to, and I kind of wondered if
I'd lost my liking for tobacco, but this one seems to be all right. You
bet it did me good to see J. A. Lamb! He's the biggest man that's ever
lived in this town or ever will live here; and you can take all the
Governors and Senators or anything they've raised here, and put 'em in
a pot with him, and they won't come out one-two-three alongside o' him!
And to think as big a man as that, with all his interests and everything
he's got on his mind--to think he'd never let anything prevent him from
coming here once every week to ask how I was getting along, and then
walk right upstairs and kind of CALL on me, as it were well, it makes
me sort of feel as if I wasn't so much of a nobody, so to speak, as your
mother seems to like to make out sometimes.”

“How foolish, papa! Of COURSE you're not 'a nobody.'”

Adams chuckled faintly upon his pipe-stem, what vanity he had seeming to
be further stimulated by his daughter's applause. “I guess there aren't
a whole lot of people in this town that could claim J. A. showed that
much interest in 'em,” he said. “Of course I don't set up to believe
it's all because of merit, or anything like that. He'd do the same for
anybody else that'd been with the company as long as I have, but still
it IS something to be with the company that long and have him show he
appreciates it.”

“Yes, indeed, it is, papa.”

“Yes, sir,” Adams said, reflectively. “Yes, sir, I guess that's so. And
besides, it all goes to show the kind of a man he is. Simon pure, that's
what that man is, Alice. Simon pure! There's never been anybody work
for him that didn't respect him more than they did any other man in the
world, I guess. And when you work for him you know he respects you,
too. Right from the start you get the feeling that J. A. puts absolute
confidence in you; and that's mighty stimulating: it makes you want to
show him he hasn't misplaced it. There's great big moral values to the
way a man like him gets you to feeling about your relations with the
business: it ain't all just dollars and cents--not by any means!”

He was silent for a time, then returned with increasing enthusiasm to
this theme, and Alice was glad to see so much renewal of life in him; he
had not spoken with a like cheerful vigour since before his illness. The
visit of his idolized great man had indeed been good for him, putting
new spirit into him; and liveliness of the body followed that of the
spirit. His improvement carried over the night: he slept well and
awoke late, declaring that he was “pretty near a well man and ready for
business right now.” Moreover, having slept again in the afternoon,
he dressed and went down to dinner, leaning but lightly on Alice, who
conducted him.

“My! but you and your mother have been at it with your scrubbing and
dusting!” he said, as they came through the “living-room.” “I don't know
I ever did see the house so spick and span before!” His glance fell upon
a few carnations in a vase, and he chuckled admiringly. “Flowers, too!
So THAT'S what you coaxed that dollar and a half out o 'me for, this
morning!”

Other embellishments brought forth his comment when he had taken his old
seat at the head of the small dinner-table. “Why, I declare, Alice!” he
exclaimed. “I been so busy looking at all the spick-and-spanishness
after the house-cleaning, and the flowers out in the parlour--'living
room' I suppose you want me to call it, if I just GOT to be
fashionable--I been so busy studying over all this so-and-so, I declare
I never noticed YOU till this minute! My, but you ARE all dressed up!
What's goin' on? What's it about: you so all dressed up, and flowers in
the parlour and everything?”

“Don't you see, papa? It's in honour of your coming downstairs again, of
course.”

“Oh, so that's it,” he said. “I never would 'a' thought of that, I
guess.”

But Walter looked sidelong at his father, and gave forth his sly and
knowing laugh. “Neither would I!” he said.

Adams lifted his eyebrows jocosely. “You're jealous, are you, sonny? You
don't want the old man to think our young lady'd make so much fuss over
him, do you?”

“Go on thinkin' it's over you,” Walter retorted, amused. “Go on and
think it. It'll do you good.”

“Of course I'll think it,” Adams said. “It isn't anybody's birthday.
Certainly the decorations are on account of me coming downstairs. Didn't
you hear Alice say so?”

“Sure, I heard her say so.”

“Well, then----”

Walter interrupted him with a little music. Looking shrewdly at Alice,
he sang:

“I was walkin' out on Monday with my sweet thing.
She's my neat thing,
My sweet thing:
I'll go round on Tuesday night to see her.
Oh, how we'll spoon----”

“Walter!” his mother cried. “WHERE do you learn such vulgar songs?”
However, she seemed not greatly displeased with him, and laughed as she
spoke.

“So that's it, Alice!” said Adams. “Playing the hypocrite with your old
man, are you? It's some new beau, is it?”

“I only wish it were,” she said, calmly. “No. It's just what I said:
it's all for you, dear.”

“Don't let her con you,” Walter advised his father. “She's got
expectations. You hang around downstairs a while after dinner and you'll
see.”

But the prophecy failed, though Adams went to his own room without
waiting to test it. No one came.

Alice stayed in the “living-room” until half-past nine, when she went
slowly upstairs. Her mother, almost tearful, met her at the top, and
whispered, “You mustn't mind, dearie.”

“Mustn't mind what?” Alice asked, and then, as she went on her way,
laughed scornfully. “What utter nonsense!” she said.

Next day she cut the stems of the rather scant show of carnations and
refreshed them with new water. At dinner, her father, still in high
spirits, observed that she had again “dressed up” in honour of his
second descent of the stairs; and Walter repeated his fragment of
objectionable song; but these jocularities were rendered pointless by
the eventless evening that followed; and in the morning the carnations
began to appear tarnished and flaccid.

Alice gave them a long look, then threw them away; and neither Walter
nor her father was inspired to any rallying by her plain costume for
that evening. Mrs. Adams was visibly depressed.

When Alice finished helping her mother with the dishes, she went
outdoors and sat upon the steps of the little front veranda. The night,
gentle with warm air from the south, surrounded her pleasantly, and the
perpetual smoke was thinner. Now that the furnaces of dwelling-houses
were no longer fired, life in that city had begun to be less like life
in a railway tunnel; people were aware of summer in the air, and in
the thickened foliage of the shade-trees, and in the sky. Stars were
unveiled by the passing of the denser smoke fogs, and to-night they
could be seen clearly; they looked warm and near. Other girls sat upon
verandas and stoops in Alice's street, cheerful as young fishermen along
the banks of a stream.

Alice could hear them from time to time; thin sopranos persistent in
laughter that fell dismally upon her ears. She had set no lines or nets
herself, and what she had of “expectations,” as Walter called them, were
vanished. For Alice was experienced; and one of the conclusions she drew
from her experience was that when a man says, “I'd take you for anything
you wanted me to,” he may mean it or, he may not; but, if he does, he
will not postpone the first opportunity to say something more. Little
affairs, once begun, must be warmed quickly; for if they cool they are
dead.

But Alice was not thinking of Arthur Russell. When she tossed away the
carnations she likewise tossed away her thoughts of that young man. She
had been like a boy who sees upon the street, some distance before him,
a bit of something round and glittering, a possible dime. He hopes it is
a dime, and, until he comes near enough to make sure, he plays that it
is a dime. In his mind he has an adventure with it: he buys something
delightful. If he picks it up, discovering only some tin-foil which has
happened upon a round shape, he feels a sinking. A dulness falls upon
him.

So Alice was dull with the loss of an adventure; and when the laughter
of other girls reached her, intermittently, she had not sprightliness
enough left in her to be envious of their gaiety. Besides, these
neighbours were ineligible even for her envy, being of another caste;
they could never know a dance at the Palmers', except remotely, through
a newspaper. Their laughter was for the encouragement of snappy young
men of the stores and offices down-town, clerks, bookkeepers, what
not--some of them probably graduates of Frincke's Business College.

Then, as she recalled that dark portal, with its dusty stairway mounting
between close walls to disappear in the upper shadows, her mind drew
back as from a doorway to Purgatory. Nevertheless, it was a picture
often in her reverie; and sometimes it came suddenly, without sequence,
into the midst of her other thoughts, as if it leaped up among them from
a lower darkness; and when it arrived it wanted to stay. So a traveller,
still roaming the world afar, sometimes broods without apparent reason
upon his family burial lot: “I wonder if I shall end there.”

The foreboding passed abruptly, with a jerk of her breath, as the
street-lamp revealed a tall and easy figure approaching from the north,
swinging a stick in time to its stride. She had given Russell up--and he
came.

“What luck for me!” he exclaimed. “To find you alone!”

Alice gave him her hand for an instant, not otherwise moving. “I'm glad
it happened so,” she said. “Let's stay out here, shall we? Do you think
it's too provincial to sit on a girl's front steps with her?”

“'Provincial?' Why, it's the very best of our institutions,” he
returned, taking his place beside her. “At least, I think so to-night.”

“Thanks! Is that practice for other nights somewhere else?”

“No,” he laughed. “The practicing all led up to this. Did I come too
soon?”

“No,” she replied, gravely. “Just in time!”

“I'm glad to be so accurate; I've spent two evenings wanting to come,
Miss Adams, instead of doing what I was doing.”

“What was that?”

“Dinners. Large and long dinners. Your fellow-citizens are immensely
hospitable to a newcomer.”

“Oh, no,” Alice said. “We don't do it for everybody. Didn't you find
yourself charmed?”

“One was a men's dinner,” he explained. “Mr. Palmer seemed to think I
ought to be shown to the principal business men.”

“What was the other dinner?”

“My cousin Mildred gave it.”

“Oh, DID she!” Alice said, sharply, but she recovered herself in the
same instant, and laughed. “She wanted to show you to the principal
business women, I suppose.”

“I don't know. At all events, I shouldn't give myself out to be so much
feted by your 'fellow-citizens,' after all, seeing these were both done
by my relatives, the Palmers. However, there are others to follow, I'm
afraid. I was wondering--I hoped maybe you'd be coming to some of them.
Aren't you?”

“I rather doubt it,” Alice said, slowly. “Mildred's dance was almost the
only evening I've gone out since my father's illness began. He seemed
better that day; so I went. He was better the other day when he wanted
those cigars. He's very much up and down.” She paused. “I'd almost
forgotten that Mildred is your cousin.”

“Not a very near one,” he explained. “Mr. Palmer's father was my
great-uncle.”

“Still, of course you are related.”

“Yes; that distantly.”

Alice said placidly, “It's quite an advantage.”

He agreed. “Yes. It is.”

“No,” she said, in the same placid tone. “I mean for Mildred.”

“I don't see----”

She laughed. “No. You wouldn't. I mean it's an advantage over the rest
of us who might like to compete for some of your time; and the worst of
it is we can't accuse her of being unfair about it. We can't prove she
showed any trickiness in having you for a cousin. Whatever else she
might plan to do with you, she didn't plan that. So the rest of us must
just bear it!”

“The 'rest of you!'” he laughed. “It's going to mean a great deal of
suffering!”

Alice resumed her placid tone. “You're staying at the Palmers', aren't
you?”

“No, not now. I've taken an apartment. I'm going to live here; I'm
permanent. Didn't I tell you?”

“I think I'd heard somewhere that you were,” she said. “Do you think
you'll like living here?”

“How can one tell?”

“If I were in your place I think I should be able to tell, Mr. Russell.”

“How?”

“Why, good gracious!” she cried. “Haven't you got the most perfect
creature in town for your--your cousin? SHE expects to make you like
living here, doesn't she? How could you keep from liking it, even if you
tried not to, under the circumstances?”

“Well, you see, there's such a lot of circumstances,” he explained; “I'm
not sure I'll like getting back into a business again. I suppose most
of the men of my age in the country have been going through the same
experience: the War left us with a considerable restlessness of spirit.”

“You were in the War?” she asked, quickly, and as quickly answered
herself, “Of course you were!”

“I was a left-over; they only let me out about four months ago,” he
said. “It's quite a shake-up trying to settle down again.”

“You were in France, then?”

“Oh, yes; but I didn't get up to the front much--only two or three
times, and then just for a day or so. I was in the transportation
service.”

“You were an officer, of course.”

“Yes,” he said. “They let me play I was a major.”

“I guessed a major,” she said. “You'd always be pretty grand, of
course.”

Russell was amused. “Well, you see,” he informed her, “as it happened,
we had at least several other majors in our army. Why would I always be
something 'pretty grand?'”

“You're related to the Palmers. Don't you notice they always affect the
pretty grand?”

“Then you think I'm only one of their affectations, I take it.”

“Yes, you seem to be the most successful one they've got!” Alice said,
lightly. “You certainly do belong to them.” And she laughed as if at
something hidden from him. “Don't you?”

“But you've just excused me for that,” he protested. “You said nobody
could be blamed for my being their third cousin. What a contradictory
girl you are!”

Alice shook her head. “Let's keep away from the kind of girl I am.”

“No,” he said. “That's just what I came here to talk about.”

She shook her head again. “Let's keep first to the kind of man you are.
I'm glad you were in the War.”

“Why?”

“Oh, I don't know.” She was quiet a moment, for she was thinking that
here she spoke the truth: his service put about him a little glamour
that helped to please her with him. She had been pleased with him during
their walk; pleased with him on his own account; and now that pleasure
was growing keener. She looked at him, and though the light in which
she saw him was little more than starlight, she saw that he was looking
steadily at her with a kindly and smiling seriousness. All at once it
seemed to her that the night air was sweeter to breathe, as if a distant
fragrance of new blossoms had been blown to her. She smiled back to him,
and said, “Well, what kind of man are you?”

“I don't know; I've often wondered,” he replied. “What kind of girl are
you?”

“Don't you remember? I told you the other day. I'm just me!”

“But who is that?”

“You forget everything;” said Alice. “You told me what kind of a girl
I am. You seemed to think you'd taken quite a fancy to me from the very
first.”

“So I did,” he agreed, heartily.

“But how quickly you forgot it!”

“Oh, no. I only want YOU to say what kind of a girl you are.”

She mocked him. “'I don't know; I've often wondered!' What kind of a
girl does Mildred tell you I am? What has she said about me since she
told you I was 'a Miss Adams?'”

“I don't know; I haven't asked her.”

“Then DON'T ask her,” Alice said, quickly.

“Why?”

“Because she's such a perfect creature and I'm such an imperfect one.
Perfect creatures have the most perfect way of ruining the imperfect
ones.”

“But then they wouldn't be perfect. Not if they----”

“Oh, yes, they remain perfectly perfect,” she assured him. “That's
because they never go into details. They're not so vulgar as to come
right out and TELL that you've been in jail for stealing chickens.
They just look absent-minded and say in a low voice, 'Oh, very; but I
scarcely think you'd like her particularly'; and then begin to talk of
something else right away.”

His smile had disappeared. “Yes,” he said, somewhat ruefully. “That
does sound like Mildred. You certainly do seem to know her! Do you know
everybody as well as that?”

“Not myself,” Alice said. “I don't know myself at all. I got to
wondering about that--about who I was--the other day after you walked
home with me.”

He uttered an exclamation, and added, explaining it, “You do give a man
a chance to be fatuous, though! As if it were walking home with me that
made you wonder about yourself!”

“It was,” Alice informed him, coolly. “I was wondering what I wanted to
make you think of me, in case I should ever happen to see you again.”

This audacity appeared to take his breath. “By George!” he cried.

“You mustn't be astonished,” she said. “What I decided then was that I
would probably never dare to be just myself with you--not if I cared
to have you want to see me again--and yet here I am, just being myself
after all!”

“You ARE the cheeriest series of shocks,” Russell exclaimed, whereupon
Alice added to the series.

“Tell me: Is it a good policy for me to follow with you?” she asked, and
he found the mockery in her voice delightful. “Would you advise me to
offer you shocks as a sort of vacation from suavity?”

“Suavity” was yet another sketch of Mildred; a recognizable one, or it
would not have been humorous. In Alice's hands, so dexterous in this
work, her statuesque friend was becoming as ridiculous as a fine figure
of wax left to the mercies of a satirist.

But the lively young sculptress knew better than to overdo: what she did
must appear to spring all from mirth; so she laughed as if unwillingly,
and said, “I MUSTN'T laugh at Mildred! In the first place, she's
your--your cousin. And in the second place, she's not meant to be funny;
it isn't right to laugh at really splendid people who take themselves
seriously. In the third place, you won't come again if I do.”

“Don't be sure of that,” Russell said, “whatever you do.”

“'Whatever I do?'” she echoed. “That sounds as if you thought I COULD be
terrific! Be careful; there's one thing I could do that would keep you
away.”

“What's that?”

“I could tell you not to come,” she said. “I wonder if I ought to.”

“Why do you wonder if you 'ought to?'”

“Don't you guess?”

“No.”

“Then let's both be mysteries to each other,” she suggested. “I mystify
you because I wonder, and you mystify me because you don't guess why I
wonder. We'll let it go at that, shall we?”

“Very well; so long as it's certain that you DON'T tell me not to come
again.”

“I'll not tell you that--yet,” she said. “In fact----” She paused,
reflecting, with her head to one side. “In fact, I won't tell you not
to come, probably, until I see that's what you want me to tell you.
I'll let you out easily--and I'll be sure to see it. Even before you do,
perhaps.”

“That arrangement suits me,” Russell returned, and his voice held no
trace of jocularity: he had become serious. “It suits me better if
you're enough in earnest to mean that I can come--oh, not whenever I
want to; I don't expect so much!--but if you mean that I can see you
pretty often.”

“Of course I'm in earnest,” she said. “But before I say you can come
'pretty often,' I'd like to know how much of my time you'd need if you
did come 'whenever you want to'; and of course you wouldn't dare
make any answer to that question except one. Wouldn't you let me have
Thursdays out?”

“No, no,” he protested. “I want to know. Will you let me come pretty
often?”

“Lean toward me a little,” Alice said. “I want you to understand.” And
as he obediently bent his head near hers, she inclined toward him as if
to whisper; then, in a half-shout, she cried,

“YES!”

He clapped his hands. “By George!” he said. “What a girl you are!”

“Why?”

“Well, for the first reason, because you have such gaieties as that one.
I should think your father would actually like being ill, just to be in
the house with you all the time.”

“You mean by that,” Alice inquired, “I keep my family cheerful with my
amusing little ways?”

“Yes. Don't you?”

“There were only boys in your family, weren't there, Mr. Russell?”

“I was an only child, unfortunately.”

“Yes,” she said. “I see you hadn't any sisters.”

For a moment he puzzled over her meaning, then saw it, and was more
delighted with her than ever. “I can answer a question of yours, now,
that I couldn't a while ago.”

“Yes, I know,” she returned, quietly.

“But how could you know?”

“It's the question I asked you about whether you were going to like
living here,” she said. “You're about to tell me that now you know you
WILL like it.”

“More telepathy!” he exclaimed. “Yes, that was it, precisely. I suppose
the same thing's been said to you so many times that you----”

“No, it hasn't,” Alice said, a little confused for the moment. “Not at
all. I meant----” She paused, then asked in a gentle voice, “Would you
really like to know?”

“Yes.”

“Well, then, I was only afraid you didn't mean it.”

“See here,” he said. “I did mean it. I told you it was being pretty
difficult for me to settle down to things again. Well, it's more
difficult than you know, but I think I can pull through in fair spirits
if I can see a girl like you 'pretty often.'”

“All right,” she said, in a business-like tone. “I've told you that you
can if you want to.”

“I do want to,” he assured her. “I do, indeed!”

“How often is 'pretty often,' Mr. Russell?”

“Would you walk with me sometimes? To-morrow?”

“Sometimes. Not to-morrow. The day after.”

“That's splendid!” he said. “You'll walk with me day after to-morrow,
and the night after that I'll see you at Miss Lamb's dance, won't I?”

But this fell rather chillingly upon Alice. “Miss Lamb's dance? Which
Miss Lamb?” she asked.

“I don't know--it's the one that's just coming out of mourning.”

“Oh, Henrietta--yes. Is her dance so soon? I'd forgotten.”

“You'll be there, won't you?” he asked. “Please say you're going.”

Alice did not respond at once, and he urged her again: “Please do
promise you'll be there.”

“No, I can't promise anything,” she said, slowly. “You see, for one
thing, papa might not be well enough.”

“But if he is?” said Russell. “If he is you'll surely come, won't you?
Or, perhaps----” He hesitated, then went on quickly, “I don't know the
rules in this place yet, and different places have different rules; but
do you have to have a chaperone, or don't girls just go to dances with
the men sometimes? If they do, would you--would you let me take you?”

Alice was startled. “Good gracious!”

“What's the matter?”

“Don't you think your relatives----Aren't you expected to go with
Mildred--and Mrs. Palmer?”

“Not necessarily. It doesn't matter what I might be expected to do,” he
said. “Will you go with me?”

“I----No; I couldn't.”

“Why not?”

“I can't. I'm not going.”

“But why?”

“Papa's not really any better,” Alice said, huskily. “I'm too worried
about him to go to a dance.” Her voice sounded emotional, genuinely
enough; there was something almost like a sob in it. “Let's talk of
other things, please.”

He acquiesced gently; but Mrs. Adams, who had been listening to the
conversation at the open window, just overhead, did not hear him. She
had correctly interpreted the sob in Alice's voice, and, trembling
with sudden anger, she rose from her knees, and went fiercely to her
husband's room.

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Let's Analyse the Pattern

Pattern: The Borrowed Dignity Trap
This chapter reveals a devastating pattern: when we derive our worth from external validation, we become trapped between gratitude and resentment. Adams glows under Mr. Lamb's attention because it confirms his value in a world that usually ignores him. But this same validation system creates the very barriers that limit his family. The mechanism works like this: Adams needs his employer's approval to feel worthy, so he cannot challenge the system that keeps his family on the margins. His gratitude becomes a chain. Meanwhile, Alice refuses Russell's invitation not because she doesn't want to go, but because attending would expose their financial limitations. She chooses invisible suffering over visible shame. Both father and daughter are caught in the same trap—seeking validation from a world that will never fully accept them. This pattern dominates modern life. The employee who works unpaid overtime hoping the boss will notice their dedication, while the company profits from their insecurity. The parent who goes into debt buying name-brand clothes so their child fits in at school. The person who stays silent about workplace discrimination because they need the job reference. The family that pretends everything is fine on social media while struggling with real problems behind closed doors. When you recognize this pattern, ask yourself: Am I seeking worth from people who benefit from my insecurity? The navigation framework is simple but difficult—find validation sources that don't require you to diminish yourself. Build skills and relationships that increase your options rather than your dependence. Alice could have said, 'I'd love to go, but formal events aren't in our budget right now.' Honesty often commands more respect than pretense. When you can name the pattern, predict where it leads, and navigate it successfully—that's amplified intelligence.

Seeking worth from external sources that benefit from keeping you dependent creates a cycle of gratitude and limitation.

Why This Matters

Connect literature to life

Skill: Reading Power Dynamics

This chapter teaches how to identify when someone's kindness serves their interests more than yours.

Practice This Today

This week, notice when praise or attention comes with unstated expectations—ask yourself what the other person gains from your gratitude.

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Now let's explore the literary elements.

Key Quotes & Analysis

"You haven't lost any of your good looks since last week, I see, Miss Alice, so I guess I'm to take it you haven't been worrying over your daddy."

— Mr. Lamb

Context: Mr. Lamb greets Alice when she opens the door for his visit

Shows Mr. Lamb's old-fashioned gallantry and genuine concern for the family. His compliment acknowledges Alice as a young lady worthy of attention, not just an employee's daughter.

In Today's Words:

You look great, so I'm guessing your dad's doing better and you're not too stressed about it.

"Well, well, well! The young feller's getting along all right, is he?"

— Mr. Lamb

Context: Inquiring about Adams's recovery with characteristic warmth

His hearty, informal speech shows genuine affection for Adams despite their class difference. The repetition reveals his pleasure at making this personal visit.

In Today's Words:

So how's your dad doing? Things are looking up, right?

"I don't know but I might"

— Mr. Lamb

Context: Responding to Alice's invitation to come inside

His modest, understated way of accepting shows old-fashioned politeness. He doesn't want to impose but is clearly pleased to be welcomed into their home.

In Today's Words:

Well, I suppose I could come in for a minute.

Thematic Threads

Class

In This Chapter

Mr. Lamb's kindness highlights the family's dependence on his goodwill while Alice's refusal exposes their financial constraints

Development

The class divide becomes more personal and painful as relationships deepen

In Your Life:

You might feel this when you're grateful for opportunities that others take for granted.

Pride

In This Chapter

Adams swells with importance from his employer's visit while Alice chooses invisible suffering over visible shame

Development

Pride continues to shape both characters' choices, often working against their interests

In Your Life:

You might recognize this when you turn down help or opportunities to avoid appearing needy.

Deception

In This Chapter

Alice creates false reasons for refusing the dance invitation rather than admitting financial constraints

Development

Deception becomes more elaborate as social pressures increase

In Your Life:

You might find yourself making excuses to avoid situations that would expose your limitations.

Identity

In This Chapter

Adams defines himself through his employer's approval while Alice struggles between her desires and her reality

Development

Both characters increasingly depend on external validation for self-worth

In Your Life:

You might notice this when your mood depends heavily on how others treat you.

Relationships

In This Chapter

Alice and Russell's attraction grows despite the unspoken barriers between their social worlds

Development

Romantic connection deepens while class differences become more problematic

In Your Life:

You might experience this tension when you connect with someone from a different background or economic situation.

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You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.

Discussion Questions

  1. 1

    Why does Adams feel so good after Mr. Lamb's visit, and what does this reveal about what he needs from other people?

    analysis • surface
  2. 2

    Alice refuses Russell's invitation to the dance - what's the real reason, and why can't she say it directly?

    analysis • medium
  3. 3

    Where do you see people today seeking validation from those who hold power over them? What happens when that validation becomes necessary for self-worth?

    application • medium
  4. 4

    If you were Alice, how would you handle Russell's invitation differently? What would be the risks and benefits of being more direct?

    application • deep
  5. 5

    What does this chapter reveal about how social class creates invisible barriers, even in seemingly friendly relationships?

    reflection • deep

Critical Thinking Exercise

10 minutes

Map Your Validation Sources

Draw two columns: 'People whose approval I seek' and 'What they get from my need for approval.' List 3-5 relationships where you find yourself working for validation. Next to each, honestly assess what the other person gains from your insecurity or dependence. This isn't about judging anyone - it's about seeing patterns clearly.

Consider:

  • •Some validation-seeking is healthy - focus on relationships where the imbalance feels problematic
  • •Consider both professional and personal relationships
  • •Notice if you're avoiding honest conversations to maintain someone's good opinion

Journaling Prompt

Write about one relationship where you could experiment with being more direct about your limitations or needs. What would you say differently, and what do you fear would happen?

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Coming Up Next...

Chapter 13: The Breaking Point

Mrs. Adams's anger over Alice's sacrifice reaches a boiling point, leading to a confrontation that will force the family to face hard truths about their situation and consider desperate measures for change.

Continue to Chapter 13
Previous
The Mirror's Truth
Contents
Next
The Breaking Point

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