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←etter 115. On the superficial blessingsMoral letters to Luciliusby Seneca, translated by Richard Mott GummereLetter 116. On self-controlLetter 117. On real ethics as superior to syllogistic subtleties→484067Moral letters to Lucilius — Letter 116. On self-controlRichard Mott GummereSeneca CXVI. ON SELF-CONTROL 1. The question has often been raised whether it is better to have moderate emotions, or none at all.[1] Philosophers of our school reject the emotions; the Peripatetics keep them in check. I, however, do not understand how any half-way disease can be either wholesome or helpful. Do not fear; I am not robbing you of any privileges which you are unwilling to lose! I shall be kindly and indulgent towards the objects for which you strive—those which you hold to be necessary to our existence, or useful, or pleasant; I shall simply strip away the vice. For after I have issued my prohibition against the desires, I shall still allow you to wish that you may do the same things fearlessly and with greater accuracy of judgment, and to feel even the pleasures more than before; and how can these pleasures help coming more readily to your call, if you are their lord rather than their slave! 2. “But,” you object, “it is natural for me to suffer when I am bereaved of a friend; grant some privileges to tears which have the right to flow! It is also natural to be affected by men’s opinions and to be cast down when they are unfavourable; so why should you not allow me such an honourable aversion to bad opinion?” There is no vice which lacks some plea; there is no vice that at the start is not modest and easily entreated; but afterwards the trouble spreads more widely. If you allow it to begin, you cannot make sure of its ceasing. 3. Every emotion at the start is weak. Afterwards, it rouses itself and gains strength by progress; it is more easy to forestall it than to forgo it. Who does not admit that all the emotions flow as it were from a certain natural source? We are endowed by Nature with an interest in our own well-being; but this very interest, when overindulged, becomes a vice. Nature has intermingled pleasure with necessary things—not in order that we should seek pleasure, but in order that the addition of pleasure may make the indispensable means of existence attractive to our eyes. Should it claim rights of its own, it is luxury. Let us therefore resist these faults when they are demanding entrance, because, as I have said, it is easier to deny them admittance than to make them depart. 4. And if you cry: “One should be allowed a certain amount of grieving, and a certain amount of fear,” I reply that the “certain amount” can be too long-drawn-out, and that it will refuse to stop short when you so desire. The wise man can safely control himself without becoming over-anxious; he can halt his tears and his pleasures at will; but in our case, because it is not easy to retrace our steps, it is best not to push ahead at all. 5. I think that Panaetius[2] gave a very neat answer to a certain youth who asked him whether the wise man should become a lover: “As to the wise man, we shall see later; but you and I, who are as yet far removed from wisdom, should not trust ourselves to fall into a state that is disordered, uncontrolled, enslaved to another,[3] contemptible to itself. If our love be not spurned, we are excited by its kindness; if it be scorned, we are kindled by our pride. An easily-won love hurts us as much as one which is difficult to win; we are captured by that which is compliant, and we struggle with that which is hard. Therefore, knowing our weakness, let us remain quiet. Let us not expose this unstable spirit to the temptations of drink, or beauty, or flattery, or anything that coaxes and allures.” 6. Now that which Panaetius replied to the question about love may be applied, I believe, to all the emotions. In so far as we are able, let us step back from slippery places; even on dry ground it is hard enough to take a sturdy stand. 7. At this point, I know, you will confront me with that common complaint against the Stoics: “Your promises are too great, and your counsels too hard. We are mere manikins, unable to deny ourselves everything. We shall sorrow, but not to any great extent; we shall feel desires, but in moderation; we shall give way to anger, but we shall be appeased.” 8. And do you know why we have not the power to attain this Stoic ideal? It is because we refuse to believe in our power. Nay, of a surety, there is something else which plays a part: it is because we are in love with our vices; we uphold them and prefer to make excuses for them rather than shake them off. We mortals have been endowed with sufficient strength by nature, if only we use this strength, if only we concentrate our powers and rouse them all to help us or at least not to hinder us. The reason is unwillingness, the excuse, inability. Farewell. ↑ For a discussion of ἀπάθεια see Epp. ix. 2 ff. and lxxxv. 3 ff. ↑ Frag. 56 Fowler. ↑ Literally, “out of our possession” (from mancipium, “ownership”).
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Let's Analyse the Pattern
The false belief that destructive emotions can be safely maintained at low levels, when they actually grow stronger through any feeding.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to identify when 'justified' emotions are becoming destructive habits that control your behavior.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when you tell yourself you're entitled to 'just a little' anger, resentment, or jealousy - then ask if this emotion is serving you or enslaving you.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"I do not understand how any half-way disease can be either wholesome or helpful."
Context: Responding to the argument that moderate emotions are healthy
This challenges our modern belief that 'everything in moderation' applies to destructive patterns. Seneca argues some things can't be moderated - they must be eliminated entirely.
In Today's Words:
You can't be a little bit toxic and call it healthy.
"I shall still allow you to wish that you may do the same things fearlessly and with greater accuracy of judgment."
Context: Explaining what life looks like after eliminating destructive emotions
This shows Stoicism isn't about becoming emotionless, but about acting from clarity rather than compulsion. You still want things, but you're not desperate or panicked about them.
In Today's Words:
You'll still want things, but you won't be a mess about getting them.
"It is natural for me to suffer when I am bereaved of a friend; grant some privileges to tears which have the right to flow!"
Context: Arguing against Seneca's advice by appealing to what feels natural
This captures how we defend our emotional reactions by calling them natural or justified. It's the voice of resistance to changing patterns that feel normal.
In Today's Words:
Come on, anyone would be upset about this - it's only human!
Thematic Threads
Self-Control
In This Chapter
Seneca argues that complete emotional prevention is easier than partial emotional management
Development
Building on earlier letters about discipline, now focusing specifically on the impossibility of moderate vice
In Your Life:
You might recognize this in trying to 'just check' your ex's social media or having 'just one drink' when stressed
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Growth requires abandoning the comfortable lie that we can control our worst impulses through moderation
Development
Evolving from general self-improvement advice to specific strategies for emotional mastery
In Your Life:
You might see this in any habit you've tried to moderate rather than eliminate completely
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Seneca uses love and romantic obsession as examples of emotions that can't be safely moderated
Development
Expanding relationship wisdom to include emotional boundaries and self-protection
In Your Life:
You might recognize this in maintaining contact with toxic people because 'family is family' or 'we have history'
Class
In This Chapter
The letter challenges the working-class belief that we don't have the luxury of avoiding emotional triggers
Development
Continuing the theme that wisdom is available to everyone regardless of circumstances
In Your Life:
You might think you can't avoid workplace drama or family dysfunction because you need the job or relationship
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
Seneca argues against the social expectation that certain emotions are natural and should be indulged moderately
Development
Building on themes about rejecting conventional wisdom that doesn't serve your wellbeing
In Your Life:
You might feel pressure to 'be understanding' of people who consistently drain or hurt you
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
Seneca argues that trying to keep 'just a little' of destructive emotions is like having 'just a little' disease. What examples does he give to support this claim?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Seneca believe that emotions like grief, fear, and anger always spiral out of control once we start feeding them, even in small amounts?
analysis • medium - 3
Think about modern workplace drama, family conflicts, or social media arguments. Where do you see people telling themselves they can handle 'just a little' of something destructive?
application • medium - 4
Seneca suggests complete prevention over partial control when dealing with destructive emotional patterns. What would this look like in practice for someone dealing with workplace resentment or family drama?
application • deep - 5
Seneca claims our real problem isn't inability to control emotions, but unwillingness - that we're secretly attached to our emotional drama. What does this reveal about why people stay stuck in destructive patterns?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Track Your Emotional Feeding Patterns
Choose one negative emotion you've been 'managing' rather than eliminating - workplace frustration, family resentment, or social comparison. Map out how you've been feeding it in small doses: the conversations you have, the thoughts you rehearse, the situations you put yourself in. Then identify the specific triggers you could avoid completely.
Consider:
- •Notice how the emotion feels 'justified' or 'reasonable' at first
- •Track how 'small doses' of feeding this emotion have grown over time
- •Identify the difference between healthy processing and destructive rehearsal
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you successfully stopped a destructive emotional pattern before it grew. What did you do differently? How did complete avoidance work better than trying to manage small amounts?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 117: Stop Overthinking, Start Living
Next, Seneca shifts from emotional control to intellectual honesty, exploring why getting caught up in clever arguments and logical puzzles can actually make us worse people. He'll reveal the difference between showing off your smarts and actually becoming wise.
