Gulliver's Travels

he author sent for to court. The queen buys him of his master the
farmer, and presents him to the king. He disputes with his majesty’s
great scholars. An apartment at court provided for the author. He is in
high favour with the queen. He stands up for the honour of his own
country. His quarrels with the queen’s dwarf.

The frequent labours I underwent every day, made, in a few weeks, a
very considerable change in my health: the more my master got by me,
the more insatiable he grew. I had quite lost my stomach, and was
almost reduced to a skeleton. The farmer observed it, and concluding I
must soon die, resolved to make as good a hand of me as he could. While
he was thus reasoning and resolving with himself, a sardral, or
gentleman-usher, came from court, commanding my master to carry me
immediately thither for the diversion of the queen and her ladies. Some
of the latter had already been to see me, and reported strange things
of my beauty, behaviour, and good sense. Her majesty, and those who
attended her, were beyond measure delighted with my demeanour. I fell
on my knees, and begged the honour of kissing her imperial foot; but
this gracious princess held out her little finger towards me, after I
was set on the table, which I embraced in both my arms, and put the tip
of it with the utmost respect to my lip. She made me some general
questions about my country and my travels, which I answered as
distinctly, and in as few words as I could. She asked, “whether I could
be content to live at court?” I bowed down to the board of the table,
and humbly answered “that I was my master’s slave: but, if I were at my
own disposal, I should be proud to devote my life to her majesty’s
service.” She then asked my master, “whether he was willing to sell me
at a good price?” He, who apprehended I could not live a month, was
ready enough to part with me, and demanded a thousand pieces of gold,
which were ordered him on the spot, each piece being about the bigness
of eight hundred moidores; but allowing for the proportion of all
things between that country and Europe, and the high price of gold
among them, was hardly so great a sum as a thousand guineas would be in
England. I then said to the queen, “since I was now her majesty’s most
humble creature and vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch,
who had always tended me with so much care and kindness, and understood
to do it so well, might be admitted into her service, and continue to
be my nurse and instructor.”

Her majesty agreed to my petition, and easily got the farmer’s consent,
who was glad enough to have his daughter preferred at court, and the
poor girl herself was not able to hide her joy. My late master
withdrew, bidding me farewell, and saying he had left me in a good
service; to which I replied not a word, only making him a slight bow.

The queen observed my coldness; and, when the farmer was gone out of
the apartment, asked me the reason. I made bold to tell her majesty,
“that I owed no other obligation to my late master, than his not
dashing out the brains of a poor harmless creature, found by chance in
his fields: which obligation was amply recompensed, by the gain he had
made in showing me through half the kingdom, and the price he had now
sold me for. That the life I had since led was laborious enough to kill
an animal of ten times my strength. That my health was much impaired,
by the continual drudgery of entertaining the rabble every hour of the
day; and that, if my master had not thought my life in danger, her
majesty would not have got so cheap a bargain. But as I was out of all
fear of being ill-treated under the protection of so great and good an
empress, the ornament of nature, the darling of the world, the delight
of her subjects, the phœnix of the creation, so I hoped my late
master’s apprehensions would appear to be groundless; for I already
found my spirits revive, by the influence of her most august presence.”

This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties and
hesitation. The latter part was altogether framed in the style peculiar
to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from Glumdalclitch,
while she was carrying me to court.

The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in speaking,
was, however, surprised at so much wit and good sense in so diminutive
an animal. She took me in her own hand, and carried me to the king, who
was then retired to his cabinet. His majesty, a prince of much gravity
and austere countenance, not well observing my shape at first view,
asked the queen after a cold manner “how long it was since she grew
fond of a splacnuck?” for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay
upon my breast in her majesty’s right hand. But this princess, who has
an infinite deal of wit and humour, set me gently on my feet upon the
scrutoire, and commanded me to give his majesty an account of myself,
which I did in a very few words: and Glumdalclitch who attended at the
cabinet door, and could not endure I should be out of her sight, being
admitted, confirmed all that had passed from my arrival at her father’s
house.

The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his dominions,
had been educated in the study of philosophy, and particularly
mathematics; yet when he observed my shape exactly, and saw me walk
erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might be a piece of
clock-work (which is in that country arrived to a very great
perfection) contrived by some ingenious artist. But when he heard my
voice, and found what I delivered to be regular and rational, he could
not conceal his astonishment. He was by no means satisfied with the
relation I gave him of the manner I came into his kingdom, but thought
it a story concerted between Glumdalclitch and her father, who had
taught me a set of words to make me sell at a better price. Upon this
imagination, he put several other questions to me, and still received
rational answers: no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and
an imperfect knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases which
I had learned at the farmer’s house, and did not suit the polite style
of a court.

His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their
weekly waiting, according to the custom in that country. These
gentlemen, after they had a while examined my shape with much nicety,
were of different opinions concerning me. They all agreed that I could
not be produced according to the regular laws of nature, because I was
not framed with a capacity of preserving my life, either by swiftness,
or climbing of trees, or digging holes in the earth. They observed by
my teeth, which they viewed with great exactness, that I was a
carnivorous animal; yet most quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and
field mice, with some others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I
should be able to support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other
insects, which they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that
I could not possibly do. One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I
might be an embryo, or abortive birth. But this opinion was rejected by
the other two, who observed my limbs to be perfect and finished; and
that I had lived several years, as it was manifest from my beard, the
stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a magnifying glass. They
would not allow me to be a dwarf, because my littleness was beyond all
degrees of comparison; for the queen’s favourite dwarf, the smallest
ever known in that kingdom, was near thirty feet high. After much
debate, they concluded unanimously, that I was only relplum scalcath,
which is interpreted literally lusus naturæ; a determination exactly
agreeable to the modern philosophy of Europe, whose professors,
disdaining the old evasion of occult causes, whereby the followers of
Aristotle endeavoured in vain to disguise their ignorance, have
invented this wonderful solution of all difficulties, to the
unspeakable advancement of human knowledge.

After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or two.
I applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, “that I came
from a country which abounded with several millions of both sexes, and
of my own stature; where the animals, trees, and houses, were all in
proportion, and where, by consequence, I might be as able to defend
myself, and to find sustenance, as any of his majesty’s subjects could
do here; which I took for a full answer to those gentlemen’s
arguments.” To this they only replied with a smile of contempt, saying,
“that the farmer had instructed me very well in my lesson.” The king,
who had a much better understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent
for the farmer, who by good fortune was not yet gone out of town.
Having therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him
with me and the young girl, his majesty began to think that what we
told him might possibly be true. He desired the queen to order that a
particular care should be taken of me; and was of opinion that
Glumdalclitch should still continue in her office of tending me,
because he observed we had a great affection for each other. A
convenient apartment was provided for her at court: she had a sort of
governess appointed to take care of her education, a maid to dress her,
and two other servants for menial offices; but the care of me was
wholly appropriated to herself. The queen commanded her own
cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for a bedchamber,
after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should agree upon. This man
was a most ingenious artist, and according to my direction, in three
weeks finished for me a wooden chamber of sixteen feet square, and
twelve high, with sash-windows, a door, and two closets, like a London
bed-chamber. The board, that made the ceiling, was to be lifted up and
down by two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished by her majesty’s
upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made it
with her own hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the roof
over me. A nice workman, who was famous for little curiosities,
undertook to make me two chairs, with backs and frames, of a substance
not unlike ivory, and two tables, with a cabinet to put my things in.
The room was quilted on all sides, as well as the floor and the
ceiling, to prevent any accident from the carelessness of those who
carried me, and to break the force of a jolt, when I went in a coach. I
desired a lock for my door, to prevent rats and mice from coming in.
The smith, after several attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen
among them, for I have known a larger at the gate of a gentleman’s
house in England. I made a shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own,
fearing Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the
thinnest silks that could be gotten, to make me clothes, not much
thicker than an English blanket, very cumbersome till I was accustomed
to them. They were after the fashion of the kingdom, partly resembling
the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a very grave and decent
habit.

The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not dine without
me. I had a table placed upon the same at which her majesty ate, just
at her left elbow, and a chair to sit on. Glumdalclitch stood on a
stool on the floor near my table, to assist and take care of me. I had
an entire set of silver dishes and plates, and other necessaries,
which, in proportion to those of the queen, were not much bigger than
what I have seen in a London toy-shop for the furniture of a
baby-house: these my little nurse kept in her pocket in a silver box,
and gave me at meals as I wanted them, always cleaning them herself. No
person dined with the queen but the two princesses royal, the eldest
sixteen years old, and the younger at that time thirteen and a month.
Her majesty used to put a bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of
which I carved for myself, and her diversion was to see me eat in
miniature: for the queen (who had indeed but a weak stomach) took up,
at one mouthful, as much as a dozen English farmers could eat at a
meal, which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would
craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all, between her teeth, although
it were nine times as large as that of a full-grown turkey; and put a
bit of bread into her mouth as big as two twelve-penny loaves. She
drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at a draught. Her knives
were twice as long as a scythe, set straight upon the handle. The
spoons, forks, and other instruments, were all in the same proportion.
I remember when Glumdalclitch carried me, out of curiosity, to see some
of the tables at court, where ten or a dozen of those enormous knives
and forks were lifted up together, I thought I had never till then
beheld so terrible a sight.

It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed, is
their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both sexes,
dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I was now become
a great favourite; and at these times, my little chair and table were
placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars. This prince
took a pleasure in conversing with me, inquiring into the manners,
religion, laws, government, and learning of Europe; wherein I gave him
the best account I was able. His apprehension was so clear, and his
judgment so exact, that he made very wise reflections and observations
upon all I said. But I confess, that, after I had been a little too
copious in talking of my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by
sea and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the
prejudices of his education prevailed so far, that he could not forbear
taking me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently with the other,
after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, “whether I was a whig or
tory?” Then turning to his first minister, who waited behind him with a
white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the Royal Sovereign, he
observed “how contemptible a thing was human grandeur, which could be
mimicked by such diminutive insects as I: and yet,” says he, “I dare
engage these creatures have their titles and distinctions of honour;
they contrive little nests and burrows, that they call houses and
cities; they make a figure in dress and equipage; they love, they
fight, they dispute, they cheat, they betray!” And thus he continued
on, while my colour came and went several times, with indignation, to
hear our noble country, the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of
France, the arbitress of Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and
truth, the pride and envy of the world, so contemptuously treated.

But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after
having been accustomed several months to the sight and converse of this
people, and observed every object upon which I cast my eyes to be of
proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first conceived from
their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I had then beheld a
company of English lords and ladies in their finery and birth-day
clothes, acting their several parts in the most courtly manner of
strutting, and bowing, and prating, to say the truth, I should have
been strongly tempted to laugh as much at them as the king and his
grandees did at me. Neither, indeed, could I forbear smiling at myself,
when the queen used to place me upon her hand towards a looking-glass,
by which both our persons appeared before me in full view together; and
there could be nothing more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I
really began to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual
size.

Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen’s dwarf; who
being of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I verily
think he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent at seeing a
creature so much beneath him, that he would always affect to swagger
and look big as he passed by me in the queen’s antechamber, while I was
standing on some table talking with the lords or ladies of the court,
and he seldom failed of a smart word or two upon my littleness; against
which I could only revenge myself by calling him brother, challenging
him to wrestle, and such repartees as are usually in the mouths of
court pages. One day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was so
nettled with something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon
the frame of her majesty’s chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was
sitting down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large
silver bowl of cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell
over head and ears, and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it might
have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that instant happened
to be at the other end of the room, and the queen was in such a fright,
that she wanted presence of mind to assist me. But my little nurse ran
to my relief, and took me out, after I had swallowed above a quart of
cream. I was put to bed: however, I received no other damage than the
loss of a suit of clothes, which was utterly spoiled. The dwarf was
soundly whipt, and as a farther punishment, forced to drink up the bowl
of cream into which he had thrown me: neither was he ever restored to
favour; for soon after the queen bestowed him on a lady of high
quality, so that I saw him no more, to my very great satisfaction; for
I could not tell to what extremities such a malicious urchin might have
carried his resentment.

He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing,
although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and would have
immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so generous as to
intercede. Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone upon her plate, and,
after knocking out the marrow, placed the bone again in the dish erect,
as it stood before; the dwarf, watching his opportunity, while
Glumdalclitch was gone to the side-board, mounted the stool that she
stood on to take care of me at meals, took me up in both hands, and
squeezing my legs together, wedged them into the marrow bone above my
waist, where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous figure.
I believe it was near a minute before any one knew what was become of
me; for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as princes seldom get
their meat hot, my legs were not scalded, only my stockings and
breeches in a sad condition. The dwarf, at my entreaty, had no other
punishment than a sound whipping.

I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my fearfulness;
and she used to ask me whether the people of my country were as great
cowards as myself? The occasion was this: the kingdom is much pestered
with flies in summer; and these odious insects, each of them as big as
a Dunstable lark, hardly gave me any rest while I sat at dinner, with
their continual humming and buzzing about mine ears. They would
sometimes alight upon my victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement,
or spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the
natives of that country, whose large optics were not so acute as mine,
in viewing smaller objects. Sometimes they would fix upon my nose, or
forehead, where they stung me to the quick, smelling very offensively;
and I could easily trace that viscous matter, which, our naturalists
tell us, enables those creatures to walk with their feet upwards upon a
ceiling. I had much ado to defend myself against these detestable
animals, and could not forbear starting when they came on my face. It
was the common practice of the dwarf, to catch a number of these
insects in his hand, as schoolboys do among us, and let them out
suddenly under my nose, on purpose to frighten me, and divert the
queen. My remedy was to cut them in pieces with my knife, as they flew
in the air, wherein my dexterity was much admired.

I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a box upon a
window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air (for I durst not
venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the window, as we do
with cages in England), after I had lifted up one of my sashes, and sat
down at my table to eat a piece of sweet cake for my breakfast, above
twenty wasps, allured by the smell, came flying into the room, humming
louder than the drones of as many bagpipes. Some of them seized my
cake, and carried it piecemeal away; others flew about my head and
face, confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost
terror of their stings. However, I had the courage to rise and draw my
hanger, and attack them in the air. I dispatched four of them, but the
rest got away, and I presently shut my window. These insects were as
large as partridges: I took out their stings, found them an inch and a
half long, and as sharp as needles. I carefully preserved them all; and
having since shown them, with some other curiosities, in several parts
of Europe, upon my return to England I gave three of them to Gresham
College, and kept the fourth for myself.