Summary
Epictetus presents one of his most practical tools for daily life: every situation has two handles—one that makes it unbearable, and one that makes it manageable. When someone wrongs you, you can grab the 'injustice handle' and torture yourself with anger and resentment, or you can grab the 'relationship handle' and remember your shared history, their humanity, or your own values. This isn't about excusing bad behavior or being a doormat. It's about choosing the mental approach that gives you power instead of leaving you powerless. A coworker takes credit for your idea? You can focus on the unfairness (unbearable handle) or on protecting your work going forward (manageable handle). Your teenager breaks curfew? You can focus on disrespect (unbearable) or on their safety and your relationship (manageable). The key insight is that you always have a choice in how you mentally 'pick up' any situation. The facts don't change, but your relationship to those facts—and therefore your ability to respond effectively—transforms completely. This principle works because it shifts you from victim to strategist, from reactive to responsive. It doesn't eliminate problems, but it eliminates the additional suffering we create by approaching problems from the wrong angle. Every challenge becomes more bearable when you find the right handle.
Coming Up in Chapter 43
Next, Epictetus tackles a dangerous illusion that trips up almost everyone: the belief that having more stuff or better skills makes you a better person. He's about to expose why this thinking keeps us trapped in endless comparison.
Share it with friends
An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 71 words)
Everything has two handles: one by which it may be borne, another by which it cannot. If your brother acts unjustly, do not lay hold on the affair by the handle of his injustice, for by that it cannot be borne, but rather by the opposite—that he is your brother, that he was brought up with you; and thus you will lay hold on it as it is to be borne.
Master this chapter. Complete your experience
Purchase the complete book to access all chapters and support classic literature
As an Amazon Associate, we earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.
Available in paperback, hardcover, and e-book formats
Intelligence Amplifier™ Analysis
The Road of Two Handles - How Your Mental Grip Determines Your Power
Every situation offers multiple mental approaches, and your choice of perspective determines whether you become powerless or strategic.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to recognize that the same situation can be approached from multiple angles, some empowering and others disempowering.
Practice This Today
This week, when something frustrating happens, pause and ask: 'What's the handle that gives me power to respond effectively?' before reacting.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Terms to Know
Stoic Philosophy
A practical philosophy focused on controlling what you can control and accepting what you can't. Stoics believed wisdom came from understanding the difference between external events and your response to them.
Modern Usage:
We see this in cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness practices, and self-help advice about 'choosing your attitude.'
Handle Metaphor
Epictetus's image of every situation having two ways to 'pick it up'—one that makes it unbearable and one that makes it manageable. The facts stay the same, but your mental approach changes everything.
Modern Usage:
This shows up in reframing techniques, choosing your battles, and the idea that 'it's not what happens to you, it's how you respond.'
Roman Brotherhood
In Roman culture, family bonds were considered sacred and permanent, creating lifelong obligations of loyalty and support. Brothers shared not just blood but social status and family honor.
Modern Usage:
We see this in tight-knit families, military units, or work teams where shared history creates lasting bonds despite conflicts.
Practical Ethics
Philosophy focused on daily decision-making rather than abstract theories. Epictetus taught tools you could use immediately in real situations.
Modern Usage:
This appears in life coaching, workplace training on conflict resolution, and parenting advice that gives specific strategies.
Mental Discipline
The practice of training your thoughts and reactions just like you'd train your body. Stoics believed the mind needed daily exercise to stay strong and focused.
Modern Usage:
We see this in meditation apps, therapy homework, and the idea that you can 'rewire' your brain through conscious practice.
Perspective Shift
Deliberately changing the angle from which you view a problem. Instead of seeing yourself as a victim, you look for ways to regain agency and control.
Modern Usage:
This shows up in therapy techniques, motivational speaking, and advice about 'flipping the script' on difficult situations.
Characters in This Chapter
Epictetus
Teacher and narrator
He presents the two-handle principle as a practical tool for daily life. His focus on the brother relationship shows he understands real family dynamics and conflicts.
Modern Equivalent:
The wise therapist who gives you actual tools instead of just listening
The Unjust Brother
Example of difficult family member
Represents someone close to you who has wronged you. Epictetus uses this example because family conflicts are the hardest to handle wisely.
Modern Equivalent:
The family member who always causes drama at gatherings
Key Quotes & Analysis
"Everything has two handles: one by which it may be borne, another by which it cannot."
Context: Opening the chapter with his central teaching principle
This is the core insight that transforms how you approach any problem. It's not about the situation itself, but about how you mentally 'pick it up' and carry it forward.
In Today's Words:
Every problem has a way to deal with it that'll drive you crazy, and a way that won't.
"If your brother acts unjustly, do not lay hold on the affair by the handle of his injustice."
Context: Giving a specific example of choosing the wrong mental approach
He's showing how focusing on the unfairness itself makes you powerless and bitter. The injustice becomes the whole story, leaving no room for solutions.
In Today's Words:
When someone in your family screws you over, don't make their bad behavior the center of your thinking.
"But rather by the opposite—that he is your brother, that he was brought up with you."
Context: Showing the alternative, manageable approach to family conflict
This shifts focus from what they did wrong to the relationship foundation that still exists. It opens possibilities for repair and forward movement.
In Today's Words:
Instead, remember your history together and what still connects you.
Thematic Threads
Personal Agency
In This Chapter
Epictetus reveals that mental freedom comes from recognizing you always have choice in how you interpret events
Development
Builds on earlier themes of focusing on what you control, now showing how perception itself is controllable
In Your Life:
You might notice feeling trapped by circumstances until you realize you're choosing the perspective that traps you
Practical Wisdom
In This Chapter
The two handles concept provides an immediate, actionable tool for any difficult situation
Development
Continues Stoic emphasis on practical philosophy that works in real-world scenarios
In Your Life:
You could use this framework tonight when something goes wrong, asking which handle serves you better
Emotional Regulation
In This Chapter
Shows how changing your mental approach to a situation changes your emotional response without denying reality
Development
Deepens earlier lessons about not being controlled by external events
In Your Life:
You might recognize how your emotional reactions depend more on your interpretation than the actual facts
Strategic Thinking
In This Chapter
Frames every challenge as a choice between reactive and strategic responses
Development
Builds on Stoic themes of rationality and self-discipline
In Your Life:
You could start evaluating your responses based on effectiveness rather than just emotional satisfaction
Relationship Navigation
In This Chapter
Demonstrates how choosing the right mental handle preserves relationships while maintaining boundaries
Development
Expands Stoic principles into interpersonal dynamics
In Your Life:
You might notice how your interpretation of others' actions affects your ability to respond constructively
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
Epictetus says every situation has two handles - one bearable and one unbearable. Can you think of a recent frustrating situation and identify both handles?
analysis • surface - 2
Why do you think our brains automatically reach for the most emotionally charged interpretation of events? What purpose might this serve, and when does it backfire?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see this 'two handles' pattern playing out in your workplace, family relationships, or community interactions?
application • medium - 4
If you practiced choosing the 'bearable handle' consistently for a month, how might your relationships and stress levels change? What would be the biggest challenge?
application • deep - 5
What does this concept reveal about the difference between being a victim of circumstances versus being a strategist in your own life?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Handle Inventory
Think of a current situation that's causing you stress or frustration. Write down the 'unbearable handle' - how you're currently thinking about it that makes you feel powerless. Then brainstorm at least three different 'bearable handles' for the same situation - ways of thinking about it that give you agency and options for moving forward.
Consider:
- •The bearable handle doesn't have to minimize the problem or excuse bad behavior
- •Look for handles that focus on what you can control or influence
- •Consider what handle would help you respond most effectively long-term
Journaling Prompt
Write about a time when you unconsciously switched from an unbearable to a bearable handle. What caused the shift, and how did your actions change as a result?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 43: You Are Not Your Stuff
What lies ahead teaches us to spot false measures of human worth, and shows us comparing possessions misses the point entirely. These patterns appear in literature and life alike.