An excerpt from the original text.(complete · 661 words)
egin by prescribing to yourself some character and demeanor, such as you
may preserve both alone and in company.
Be mostly silent, or speak merely what is needful, and in few words. We
may, however, enter sparingly into discourse sometimes, when occasion
calls for it; but let it not run on any of the common subjects, as
gladiators, or horse races, or athletic champions, or food, or drink—the
vulgar topics of conversation—and especially not on men, so as either to
blame, or praise, or make comparisons. If you are able, then, by your own
conversation, bring over that of your company to proper subjects; but if
you happen to find yourself among strangers, be silent.
Let not your laughter be loud, frequent, or abundant.
Avoid taking oaths, if possible, altogether; at any rate, so far as you
are able.
Avoid public and vulgar entertainments; but if ever an occasion calls you
to them, keep your attention upon the stretch, that you may not
imperceptibly slide into vulgarity. For be assured that if a person be
ever so pure himself, yet, if his companion be corrupted, he who
converses with him will be corrupted likewise.
Provide things relating to the body no further than absolute need
requires, as meat, drink, clothing, house, retinue. But cut off
everything that looks toward show and luxury.
Before marriage guard yourself with all your ability from unlawful
intercourse with women; yet be not uncharitable or severe to those who
are led into this, nor boast frequently that you yourself do otherwise.
If anyone tells you that a certain person speaks ill of you, do not make
excuses about what is said of you, but answer: “He was ignorant of my
other faults, else he would not have mentioned these alone.”
It is not necessary for you to appear often at public spectacles; but if
ever there is a proper occasion for you to be there, do not appear more
solicitous for any other than for yourself—that is, wish things to be
only just as they are, and only the best man to win; for thus nothing
will go against you. But abstain entirely from acclamations and derision
and violent emotions. And when you come away, do not discourse a great
deal on what has passed and what contributes nothing to your own
amendment. For it would appear by such discourse that you were dazzled by
the show.
Be not prompt or ready to attend private recitations; but if you do
attend, preserve your gravity and dignity, and yet avoid making yourself
disagreeable.
When you are going to confer with anyone, and especially with one who
seems your superior, represent to yourself how Socrates or Zeno[6] would
behave in such a case, and you will not be at a loss to meet properly
whatever may occur.
When you are going before anyone in power, fancy to yourself that you may
not find him at home, that you may be shut out, that the doors may not be
opened to you, that he may not notice you. If, with all this, it be your
duty to go, bear what happens and never say to yourself, “It was not
worth so much”; for this is vulgar, and like a man bewildered by
externals.
In company, avoid a frequent and excessive mention of your own actions
and dangers. For however agreeable it may be to yourself to allude to the
risks you have run, it is not equally agreeable to others to hear your
adventures. Avoid likewise an endeavor to excite laughter, for this may
readily slide you into vulgarity, and, besides, may be apt to lower you
in the esteem of your acquaintance. Approaches to indecent discourse are
likewise dangerous. Therefore, when anything of this sort happens, use
the first fit opportunity to rebuke him who makes advances that way, or,
at least, by silence and blushing and a serious look show yourself to be
displeased by such talk.
Master this chapter. Complete your experience
Purchase the complete book to access all chapters and support classic literature
As an Amazon Associate, we earn a small commission from qualifying purchases at no additional cost to you.
Available in paperback, hardcover, and e-book formats
Let's Analyse the Pattern
Social interactions that feel connecting but actually drain your focus and damage your reputation through gossip, complaints, and empty chatter.
Why This Matters
Connect literature to life
This chapter teaches how to identify conversations and interactions that deplete your mental resources while damaging your reputation.
Practice This Today
This week, notice when someone tries to pull you into gossip, complaints, or drama—practice responding with strategic silence or redirection instead of engagement.
Now let's explore the literary elements.
Key Quotes & Analysis
"Begin by prescribing to yourself some character and demeanor, such as you may preserve both alone and in company."
Context: Opening advice on how to approach social interactions
This establishes the foundation of intentional living - you decide who you want to be, then maintain that identity consistently. It's about authenticity through conscious choice rather than just reacting to circumstances.
In Today's Words:
Figure out who you want to be, then be that person whether anyone's watching or not.
"Be mostly silent, or speak merely what is needful, and in few words."
Context: Guidance on conversation and social interaction
This isn't about being antisocial - it's about being strategic with your energy and words. Every conversation either builds your reputation or damages it, so make your words count.
In Today's Words:
Talk less, listen more, and when you do speak, make it matter.
"If a person be ever so pure himself, yet, if his companion be corrupted, he who converses with him will be corrupted likewise."
Context: Warning about the influence of negative people
This recognizes that we absorb the energy and attitudes of people around us, even when we think we're strong enough to resist. It's about protecting your mental space.
In Today's Words:
You become like the people you hang around with, even if you think you're above their influence.
"Cut off everything that looks toward show and luxury."
Context: Advice on material possessions and lifestyle choices
This focuses on distinguishing between what you need and what you want for status. It's about not letting material desires distract from personal growth and financial stability.
In Today's Words:
Stop buying stuff just to impress people - focus on what you actually need.
Thematic Threads
Identity
In This Chapter
Epictetus demands you choose your character deliberately and maintain it consistently across all social contexts
Development
Builds on earlier themes of self-control by extending it to social presentation and reputation management
In Your Life:
You might notice how differently you act at work versus home versus social media, and wonder which version is really you
Social Expectations
In This Chapter
The chapter provides specific scripts for handling social pressure to gossip, complain, or engage in meaningless chatter
Development
Evolves from general principles about external control to practical social navigation tools
In Your Life:
You probably feel pressure to participate in workplace gossip or family drama to fit in, even when it makes you uncomfortable
Personal Growth
In This Chapter
Strategic silence and intentional social engagement become tools for character development rather than just social skills
Development
Connects earlier lessons about focusing on what you control to the specific challenge of social environments
In Your Life:
You might realize that certain friends or coworkers consistently leave you feeling drained or negative after interactions
Class
In This Chapter
Epictetus teaches how to interact with people of different social status without losing your dignity or focus
Development
Introduced here as practical guidance for navigating power dynamics
In Your Life:
You likely adjust your behavior around bosses, doctors, or authority figures, sometimes in ways that don't feel authentic
Human Relationships
In This Chapter
Relationships are viewed through the lens of mutual character building rather than just emotional connection
Development
Builds on earlier relationship themes by adding the dimension of social strategy and boundary setting
In Your Life:
You might struggle with setting boundaries with family or friends who want to involve you in drama or negativity
You now have the context. Time to form your own thoughts.
Discussion Questions
- 1
Epictetus says to decide who you want to be and stick to that identity in all situations. What specific behaviors does he recommend to protect your character and energy?
analysis • surface - 2
Why does Epictetus warn against gossip, complaints, and empty chatter? What's the deeper mechanism he's identifying about how these conversations affect your mind?
analysis • medium - 3
Where do you see people getting pulled into energy-draining conversations today? Think about workplaces, social media, or family gatherings—what patterns do you notice?
application • medium - 4
When someone criticizes you or tries to pull you into drama, how would you apply Epictetus's advice about not defending yourself and maintaining your boundaries?
application • deep - 5
What does this chapter reveal about the relationship between your social choices and your personal growth? How do the people and conversations you engage with shape who you become?
reflection • deep
Critical Thinking Exercise
Audit Your Social Energy
Track your conversations for one day and categorize them: Which ones built you up or moved something forward? Which ones drained your energy or pulled you into negativity? Which ones were neutral? Look for patterns in who initiates what type of conversation and how you typically respond.
Consider:
- •Notice if certain people or settings consistently lead to energy-draining conversations
- •Pay attention to how you feel after different types of interactions—energized, neutral, or depleted
- •Consider whether you're initiating positive conversations or just reacting to what others bring to you
Journaling Prompt
Write about a recent situation where you got pulled into gossip, complaints, or drama. How could you have redirected or exited that conversation while maintaining relationships? What would your 'ideal self' have done differently?
Coming Up Next...
Chapter 33: The Pleasure Trap
The next chapter tackles one of life's biggest challenges: resisting immediate pleasures that we know will hurt us later. Epictetus reveals a mental technique for weighing short-term gratification against long-term consequences, giving us a framework for making better decisions when temptation strikes.
