Don Quixote

F THE TROUBLOUS END AND TERMINATION SANCHO PANZA’S GOVERNMENT CAME TO
To fancy that in this life anything belonging to it will remain for
ever in the same state is an idle fancy; on the contrary, in it
everything seems to go in a circle, I mean round and round. The spring
succeeds the summer, the summer the fall, the fall the autumn, the
autumn the winter, and the winter the spring, and so time rolls with
never-ceasing wheel. Man’s life alone, swifter than time, speeds onward
to its end without any hope of renewal, save it be in that other life
which is endless and boundless. Thus saith Cide Hamete the Mahometan
philosopher; for there are many that by the light of nature alone,
without the light of faith, have a comprehension of the fleeting nature
and instability of this present life and the endless duration of that
eternal life we hope for; but our author is here speaking of the
rapidity with which Sancho’s government came to an end, melted away,
disappeared, vanished as it were in smoke and shadow. For as he lay in
bed on the night of the seventh day of his government, sated, not with
bread and wine, but with delivering judgments and giving opinions and
making laws and proclamations, just as sleep, in spite of hunger, was
beginning to close his eyelids, he heard such a noise of bell-ringing
and shouting that one would have fancied the whole island was going to
the bottom. He sat up in bed and remained listening intently to try if
he could make out what could be the cause of so great an uproar; not
only, however, was he unable to discover what it was, but as countless
drums and trumpets now helped to swell the din of the bells and shouts,
he was more puzzled than ever, and filled with fear and terror; and
getting up he put on a pair of slippers because of the dampness of the
floor, and without throwing a dressing gown or anything of the kind
over him he rushed out of the door of his room, just in time to see
approaching along a corridor a band of more than twenty persons with
lighted torches and naked swords in their hands, all shouting out, “To
arms, to arms, señor governor, to arms! The enemy is in the island in
countless numbers, and we are lost unless your skill and valour come to
our support.”

Keeping up this noise, tumult, and uproar, they came to where Sancho
stood dazed and bewildered by what he saw and heard, and as they
approached one of them called out to him, “Arm at once, your lordship,
if you would not have yourself destroyed and the whole island lost.”

“What have I to do with arming?” said Sancho. “What do I know about
arms or supports? Better leave all that to my master Don Quixote, who
will settle it and make all safe in a trice; for I, sinner that I am,
God help me, don’t understand these scuffles.”

“Ah, señor governor,” said another, “what slackness of mettle this is!
Arm yourself; here are arms for you, offensive and defensive; come out
to the plaza and be our leader and captain; it falls upon you by right,
for you are our governor.”

“Arm me then, in God’s name,” said Sancho, and they at once produced
two large shields they had come provided with, and placed them upon him
over his shirt, without letting him put on anything else, one shield in
front and the other behind, and passing his arms through openings they
had made, they bound him tight with ropes, so that there he was walled
and boarded up as straight as a spindle and unable to bend his knees or
stir a single step. In his hand they placed a lance, on which he leant
to keep himself from falling, and as soon as they had him thus fixed
they bade him march forward and lead them on and give them all courage;
for with him for their guide and lamp and morning star, they were sure
to bring their business to a successful issue.
“How am I to march, unlucky being that I am?” said Sancho, “when I
can’t stir my knee-caps, for these boards I have bound so tight to my
body won’t let me. What you must do is carry me in your arms, and lay
me across or set me upright in some postern, and I’ll hold it either
with this lance or with my body.”

“On, señor governor!” cried another, “it is fear more than the boards
that keeps you from moving; make haste, stir yourself, for there is no
time to lose; the enemy is increasing in numbers, the shouts grow
louder, and the danger is pressing.”

Urged by these exhortations and reproaches the poor governor made an
attempt to advance, but fell to the ground with such a crash that he
fancied he had broken himself all to pieces. There he lay like a
tortoise enclosed in its shell, or a side of bacon between two
kneading-troughs, or a boat bottom up on the beach; nor did the gang of
jokers feel any compassion for him when they saw him down; so far from
that, extinguishing their torches they began to shout afresh and to
renew the calls to arms with such energy, trampling on poor Sancho, and
slashing at him over the shield with their swords in such a way that,
if he had not gathered himself together and made himself small and
drawn in his head between the shields, it would have fared badly with
the poor governor, as, squeezed into that narrow compass, he lay,
sweating and sweating again, and commending himself with all his heart
to God to deliver him from his present peril. Some stumbled over him,
others fell upon him, and one there was who took up a position on top
of him for some time, and from thence as if from a watchtower issued
orders to the troops, shouting out, “Here, our side! Here the enemy is
thickest! Hold the breach there! Shut that gate! Barricade those
ladders! Here with your stink-pots of pitch and resin, and kettles of
boiling oil! Block the streets with feather beds!” In short, in his
ardour he mentioned every little thing, and every implement and engine
of war by means of which an assault upon a city is warded off, while
the bruised and battered Sancho, who heard and suffered all, was saying
to himself, “O if it would only please the Lord to let the island be
lost at once, and I could see myself either dead or out of this
torture!” Heaven heard his prayer, and when he least expected it he
heard voices exclaiming, “Victory, victory! The enemy retreats beaten!
Come, señor governor, get up, and come and enjoy the victory, and
divide the spoils that have been won from the foe by the might of that
invincible arm.”

“Lift me up,” said the wretched Sancho in a woebegone voice. They
helped him to rise, and as soon as he was on his feet said, “The enemy
I have beaten you may nail to my forehead; I don’t want to divide the
spoils of the foe, I only beg and entreat some friend, if I have one,
to give me a sup of wine, for I’m parched with thirst, and wipe me dry,
for I’m turning to water.”

They rubbed him down, fetched him wine and unbound the shields, and he
seated himself upon his bed, and with fear, agitation, and fatigue he
fainted away. Those who had been concerned in the joke were now sorry
they had pushed it so far; however, the anxiety his fainting away had
caused them was relieved by his returning to himself. He asked what
o’clock it was; they told him it was just daybreak. He said no more,
and in silence began to dress himself, while all watched him, waiting
to see what the haste with which he was putting on his clothes meant.
He got himself dressed at last, and then, slowly, for he was sorely
bruised and could not go fast, he proceeded to the stable, followed by
all who were present, and going up to Dapple embraced him and gave him
a loving kiss on the forehead, and said to him, not without tears in
his eyes, “Come along, comrade and friend and partner of my toils and
sorrows; when I was with you and had no cares to trouble me except
mending your harness and feeding your little carcass, happy were my
hours, my days, and my years; but since I left you, and mounted the
towers of ambition and pride, a thousand miseries, a thousand troubles,
and four thousand anxieties have entered into my soul;” and all the
while he was speaking in this strain he was fixing the pack-saddle on
the ass, without a word from anyone. Then having Dapple saddled, he,
with great pain and difficulty, got up on him, and addressing himself
to the majordomo, the secretary, the head-carver, and Pedro Recio the
doctor and several others who stood by, he said, “Make way, gentlemen,
and let me go back to my old freedom; let me go look for my past life,
and raise myself up from this present death. I was not born to be a
governor or protect islands or cities from the enemies that choose to
attack them. Ploughing and digging, vinedressing and pruning, are more
in my way than defending provinces or kingdoms. Saint Peter is very
well at Rome; I mean each of us is best following the trade he was born
to. A reaping-hook fits my hand better than a governor’s sceptre; I’d
rather have my fill of gazpacho than be subject to the misery of a
meddling doctor who kills me with hunger, and I’d rather lie in summer
under the shade of an oak, and in winter wrap myself in a double
sheepskin jacket in freedom, than go to bed between holland sheets and
dress in sables under the restraint of a government. God be with your
worships, and tell my lord the duke that ‘naked I was born, naked I
find myself, I neither lose nor gain;’ I mean that without a farthing I
came into this government, and without a farthing I go out of it, very
different from the way governors commonly leave other islands. Stand
aside and let me go; I have to plaster myself, for I believe every one
of my ribs is crushed, thanks to the enemies that have been trampling
over me to-night.”

“That is unnecessary, señor governor,” said Doctor Recio, “for I will
give your worship a draught against falls and bruises that will soon
make you as sound and strong as ever; and as for your diet I promise
your worship to behave better, and let you eat plentifully of whatever
you like.”

“You spoke late,” said Sancho. “I’d as soon turn Turk as stay any
longer. Those jokes won’t pass a second time. By God I’d as soon remain
in this government, or take another, even if it was offered me between
two plates, as fly to heaven without wings. I am of the breed of the
Panzas, and they are every one of them obstinate, and if they once say
‘odds,’ odds it must be, no matter if it is evens, in spite of all the
world. Here in this stable I leave the ant’s wings that lifted me up
into the air for the swifts and other birds to eat me, and let’s take
to level ground and our feet once more; and if they’re not shod in
pinked shoes of cordovan, they won’t want for rough sandals of hemp;
‘every ewe to her like,’ ‘and let no one stretch his leg beyond the
length of the sheet;’ and now let me pass, for it’s growing late with
me.”

To this the majordomo said, “Señor governor, we would let your worship
go with all our hearts, though it sorely grieves us to lose you, for
your wit and Christian conduct naturally make us regret you; but it is
well known that every governor, before he leaves the place where he has
been governing, is bound first of all to render an account. Let your
worship do so for the ten days you have held the government, and then
you may go and the peace of God go with you.”

“No one can demand it of me,” said Sancho, “but he whom my lord the
duke shall appoint; I am going to meet him, and to him I will render an
exact one; besides, when I go forth naked as I do, there is no other
proof needed to show that I have governed like an angel.”

“By God the great Sancho is right,” said Doctor Recio, “and we should
let him go, for the duke will be beyond measure glad to see him.”

They all agreed to this, and allowed him to go, first offering to bear
him company and furnish him with all he wanted for his own comfort or
for the journey. Sancho said he did not want anything more than a
little barley for Dapple, and half a cheese and half a loaf for
himself; for the distance being so short there was no occasion for any
better or bulkier provant. They all embraced him, and he with tears
embraced all of them, and left them filled with admiration not only at
his remarks but at his firm and sensible resolution.

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